Monday, July 05, 2010

The Origins of My Blogging: A Historical Review

On Friday January 15, 2010 two officers from the U.S. Department of Justice interviewed me at my residence about a law enforcement matter. One of the officers asked me what it was that motivated me to write my blog, My Daily Struggles.

I find that to be an interesting question that merits a historical examination. I started My Daily Struggles in the late summer of 2005. But actually there were precursor activities that foreshadowed the writing of my blog.

In fact, I have been writing almost daily about my activities since June 2001. In June 2001 I formed the opinion that the resident manager of my apartment building, David Castleberry, was entering my apartment from time to time surreptitiously, looking around, and reporting back to my former employer, the law firm of Akin, Gump, Strauss, Hauer & Feld.

Ten years earlier, in 1991, while I was employed at Akin Gump, I formed the belief that the then resident manager, Elaine Wranik, surreptitiously entered my apartment every morning after I left for work, inspected the apartment, and reported back to firm management about what she saw. At that time I decided to take opportunistic advantage of Elaine Wranik's activities by leaving a note for her every morning. The notes were frequently humorous; sometimes the notes were directed expressly to firm management. I believe that firm supervisors were infuriated that I had created a direct line of communication with the firm's managers that allowed me to say things that could not be challenged by those supervisors.

On June 13, 2001 I decided to take opportunistic advantage of David Castleberry's activity by leaving daily notes taped to the inside of my apartment door that Mr. Castleberry might read and communicate to Akin Gump. I continued this activity until August 19, 2003, when Mr. Castleberry ended his tenure at 3801 Connecticut Avenue, the apartment building where I live.


The messages were addressed to "Friend." I pretended that I didn't know it was David Castleberry who was reading the notes. I further believed that Akin Gump's attorney managers informed Branch Manager Brian P. Brown at the Cleveland Park Neighborhood Library of the content of the daily message.

So for the entire period mid-June 2001 to mid-August 2003, about two years, I was writing daily. All of the messages are reprinted below. (All of the messages were previously published on my blog The Freedman Archives in the fall of 2005.)

In April 2003 I began writing messages every day on the public access computers at the Cleveland Park Neighborhood library, and saving those messages to the computer hard drive. I believed that Brian Brown was reading those messages and transmitting them back to Akin Gump's attorney managers. One of my blogs is devoted to some of the messages I was writing to Brian Brown and saving to the public access computers at the Cleveland Park Neighborhood Library: Group Therapy (February to March 2004).


In mid-April 2004 Brian Brown discovered one of my letters, was alarmed by the content of the message, and contacted the Metropolitan Police of the District of Columbia. The D.C. Police banned me from the library for a six-month period beginning mid-April 2004. Brian Brown told the D.C. Police (in mid-April 2004) that he never read any of the letters I saved to the library's computers, but I don't find that credible. If we are to believe Brian Brown, he read none of the letters that I wrote during the entire one-year period April 2003 to April 2004; but he just happened to read the one letter in which I called him a "fag," from mid-April 2004!

I was so full of my experiences that I felt I could not desist from my activity of writing regular messages -- even after I was banned from my local library. So I hit upon the idea, in April 2004, of creating an email account on Netscape with the username: lettheworldseewh (Let the World See What I Have Seen) and the password: showtime. Every week I wrote a letter "to Brian" and saved the letter to that email account. I returned to the Cleveland Park Neighborhood Library in April 2005 (one year after I had been banned), but I continued writing messages and saving them to the above mentioned email account until late summer 2005. I advised my then treating psychiatrist, Betsy Jane Cooper, MD, of the existence of the netscape email account I created.

The letters I wrote to Brian Brown and saved to an email account between April 2004 and April 2005 are contained in blogs of their own: The Freedman Archives: Part I and The Freedman Archives: Part II.

In the late summer of 2005 I learned about something called "blogs" in a television news report. I knew nothing about blogs before this news report. The idea of creating my own account on which I could write messages, essays, or anything for that matter, and have those writings accessible and searchable on the internet intrigued me. I set up a blog account on blogger as soon as I learned of the internet vehicle of blogs in the late summer of 2005. I named my blog My Daily Struggles. But as you see, my idea of writing daily messages has historical precedent.  In the early fall of 2005 I posted documents about my employment problems at Akin Gump on a blog titled Background Information.

In the fall of 2009 I decided to devote my blog My Daily Struggles to documents and writings concerning my job termination by my former employer, Akin Gump. Since the mid-1990s, I had wanted the FBI -- a law enforcement branch of the Justice Department -- to investigate my job termination. The Bureau consistently refused to initiate an investigation, despite my persistent letter writing to the FBI. (In the mid-1990s, it got to a point where the FBI would return my letters to me unopened, which was humiliating and frustrating for me). In the fall of 2009 it occurred to me that I could devote My Daily Struggles to my job termination, advise the FBI of the existence of my blog, and the FBI could peruse my blog at it's convenience. Perhaps the FBI would eventually see the need to initiate a criminal or civil rights investigation of the circumstances of my job termination

Of course, I am sure that my blogging activity is overdetermined -- multiple unconscious factors motivate me to blog. There is a good chance that I have what is called a Nobel Prize Complex. Many of my activities are motivated by a desire for notoriety and fame. I suspect the fact that it was announced in October 2009 that President Obama had been awarded a Nobel Peace Prize lent impetus to my desire to seek notoriety through my blog in the fall of 2009. The so-called "Balloon Boy Hoax" of mid-October 2009 was probably an additional factor that motivated me to gain notoriety through my blog. "There was, I now began to see, the chance to be an actor in a drama of historical importance."

The fact that a federal official who I had greatly admired for years had made public statements that seemed to echo my own feelings about my employment situation -- that my case had been "overlooked for years" by The Justice Department and that what I had been subjected to was an "outrage" -- was terrifically exciting for me

In November 2009 I noticed by way of the service statcounter.com, which discloses the individuals and organizations that visit my blog, that someone at the U.S. Department of Justice was reading my blog every day. I noticed in particular that on the Friday following Thanksgiving 2009 someone at the DOJ read my blog all morning, from about 9:30 AM to 12:30 PM. This was further motivation for me to continue my blog devoted to matters related to my job termination.


THE DIARIES: June 2001 to August 2003



6-13-01 I hope you enjoyed your visit. This is where [imaginary] Brian and I have hot passionate sex. You know the great thing about Lewinskying a guy with a two-inch penis? No gagging! Get it? Come back now, hear?

[At the outset of the diaries, I refer to librarian Brian Brown as "the librarian." I pretend that I do not know his name. At the beginning of the diaries, the individual identified as "Brian" is an imaginary figure.]

6-14-01 I've decided to communicate with you every day. Tell your friends to look into Sally. Crackpot Sally is a volunteer who waters the plants in the library. She climbs up on chairs and takes other risks, and if she slips and falls, and proceeds to sue the city -- Well, I'm sure Tony would love that. She seems to be granted unusual privileges. The librarian [Brian Brown] lets crackpot Sally use his computer in his private office. What's up with that? Some time ago Sally sneered at me prominently the Monday after I told law enforcement about "Mr. Intellectual" and identified him by one of the books he had returned. She had a look of "How dare you!" Lady, maybe you should douche your brain instead of watering the plants. Happy Flag Day! God Bless America. They should have fried TMV [Timothy McVeigh] -- literally.

[Attached is message from the Tenants Association with my marginal notes:] Hi, 3801 Residents! The very last line of the recent Tenants Association newsletter said: "Please remit to Jeannette Smoot, Treasurer in Apartment 9." It should have said "Apartment 920." Also, should you wish to join the Tenants Association, your check should be made payable to 3801 Connecticut Tenants Association. Thank you for your interest and attention! Julie Sherman, Association President. [My marginal note reads:] Left outside my Apt on 6-14-01 (AM) not left in front of any other apartments.

["Mr. Intellectual" is a middle-aged patron who lives in the neighborhood. He visits the library several days each week and borrows numerous books. He is tall and thin. He has the serious, piercing gaze of an intellectual or highly-intelligent person. I've sensed for years that he knows who I am. He doesn't appear to hold a conventional job.]

6-15-01 I have nothing to report today. Sorry. Yesterday was a slow news day. One thing -- [the library patron named] Dave (Mr. Washington Times) gave me that "invisible look" when he passed by me in the street. Dave--that's [library patron] Frank Green's friend. Dave used to be friendly with [the librarian] Bruce Snyder. Enjoy the weekend.

[Frank Green is now deceased. "Dave" still lives in the neighborhood. Bruce Snyder now works at the Chevy Chase Branch of the DC Library.]

6-14-01 Look into Richard [Peyton Howard]. I have picked up vibes on him since at least 1990, when I was still working. I have the feeling he knows all about me -- confidential stuff. He is a graduate of Brown University; I think he works for the U.S. Information Agency. He plays tennis and goes to church. I think he's active with the Tenants Association. I think he's creepy. What's his story? Say, aren't we coming up on the anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo? More tomorrow.

6-19-01 The library staff were icy yesterday. I think they've been ordered to have a more professional demeanor -- I owe that to you, friend. But it won't last. I guarantee it. Did you look into Richard [Peyton Howard]? What does he know? If Elizabeth Joyce doesn't come clean, I will report her to the British Embassy. Riverside dinner with riparian entertainment -- my ass ! ! Later, Dude. (Yosh [Shirazzi, co-owner of the Brookville Supermarket,] looked angry yesterday.)

6-20-01 This morning, while I was riding on the elevator, here at 3801, a tenant, David Grady, got on and pushed the button for the 2d floor -- using his middle finger. I'm still thinking about whether that was intended as a message to me. David Grady is an attorney at Hogan & Hartson, where I used to work. I told federal authorities about him. Later, Dude.

6-21-01 Here's something to look into. Last spring and summer, a young man used to visit the Cleveland Park Library to use the computer. His name was Brad. Medium height, very good-looking, blondish hair, curly hair, athletic appearance. He used to chat with Dave (Bruce Snyder's friend). I used to think of Brad as "Dave's Boy-Toy." The librarian [Brian] knew him by name. I can recall the librarian talking for some time to Brad on one occasion. I think Brad used the computer as part of a job search. I'm thinking of getting a masturbator for [the imaginary] Brian -- but they don't sell his size -- extra-small. Bye-bye.

6-22-01 Look into the tenants in 247. He's Indian, about 50 years old. His wife [Barbara D'Jebbour] is European stock. She's creative & histrionic. They're very friendly with Elizabeth Joyce. The husband chats with Joyce, and a few weeks ago, when Joyce was ill, the wife comforted Joyce be stroking Joyce's cheek with her hand (THAT'S intimacy). They travel a great deal. I think his car was stolen a time ago. I may be mistaken, but I think the husband owns a liquor store in Southeast, DC. See the connection? Note that Cleveland Park Liquor & Wine (Where I make beer purchases) is owned by Indians. They may be part of a subcontinental Mafia. Anyway, I get funny vibes from both tenants in 247. This is serious. (Don't let those people fuck around with you.)

[My impression of Frank and Barbara D'Jebbour is that they are a pair of grifters.]

6-23-01 Stop back on Monday.

6-25-01 Several startling developments: Early on Saturday afternoon, about 1:00 PM, I was walking up Connecticut Avenue. "Mr. Intellectual" was leaving the Brookville Supermarket. He saw me, had a slight startle response, then looked straight ahead, with that invisible look. Upon seeing me, he started to whistle. He ("Mr. Intellectual") has never reacted to me like this before. I believe he was angry about my letter to you dated 6-14-01 (that talked about him & Crackpot Sally). I have been thinking about contacting the FBI for my own protection -- these people may gang up on me -- I can't rule out physical violence against me. At least Freeh (Clinton's lackey) is gone. Tom Pickard is in charge for now. In another development I have discovered that Dr. Lawrence C. Sack may be a Communist. He subscribes to a publication "The New Federalist" -- very anti-American. To think I paid over $300 to Dr. Sack in 1991, before the party breakdown in Moscow. My money probably went straight to party headquarters in the Kremlin via Comrade Sack. ([Imaginary] Brian and I went to Seaworld this weekend. I got lucky with a hot female and Brian -- well, let's just say, Brian probably won't be sitting down for a while.) Dolphin sex -- the phenom of the future.

6-26-01 Things were quiet in the library yesterday. An uneasy calm, though. I feel they don't like my letters to you, and they feel helpless about them. -- They would like me to stop, but they have no control in the matter. -- A quiet desperation. They don't even try to elicit evidence of paranoia, as if some authority has told them my powers are real. Barbara largely ignored me. The librarian [Brian Brown] (who, for some reason, didn't sit down at the information desk) also ignored me; he chatted briefly with Peter (the aging fag volunteer). I picked up negative vibes from Charles [Davis], the brother. [The patron named] Tanner sat at my table; THAT was exciting. The double entendres centered on "zoo animals" and "Judge Judy" and a person named "Peoples." What will today bring? Parting is such sweet sorrow, friend.

6-27-01 Another quiet day yesterday. The librarians were at a meeting while I was there. Hillary (the children's librarian) took the information desk responsibilities. Double-entendres from Hillary were "Nobel Prize," "fiction" (referring to the defamation of my character), and "shipwreck" (a reference to Jack London's Sea-Wolf?) As I was standing up and leaving the computer, "Mr. Intellectual" was entering the library. He spotted me, and smiled -- He usually doesn't smile when he sees me. Background on Caprice -- She was born in Mexico. She spent time in a red Chinese prison. Trotsky was a family friend.

6-28-01 They were supposed to clean the windows yesterday. My windows are still dirty -- another promise broken. No wonder I don't trust people. Saw Dr. Shaffer for first time at Spring Road. Thought she was fishing around for fears that she thinks I have about my SSA benefits being cut off. Sign that she knows about these letters to you. She thinks I write these letters (which I have never told her about) to make a case that I'm crazy, so that SSA will continue my benefits -- as if anybody who was under surveillance would not be concerned. I think the thing is SHE'S afraid of her own job getting cut, especially in view of the recent restructuring at P Street. Sat next to [library patron] Carlos [Chalbaud] at the computer yesterday. I ejaculated in my pants -- quietly, of course, after all, it's a library! June 28, 1914 -- Francis Ferdinand assassinated in Sarajevo. June 28, 1984 -- complaint filed in Fed Court by David Tatel in Milwaukee School Desegregation case. Moral: Whatever you start on 6-28 will never come to an end.

[Appended is page 845 of the August 2000 issue of "American Psychologist" that lists my former therapist (August 1998 to June 1999), Lisa A. Osborn, as having received her psychologist certification. Includes handwritten note:] I took this from a journal left in the library magazine exchange -- coincidence?

Interestingly, Dr. Shaffer was in fact later cut from the staff of the DC Mental Health Department, in February 2003. She was unhappy with the action, as evidenced by her filing a grievance with the union. My suspicions about Dr. Shaffer's fear of termination, described in the message on 6/28/01, may not have been unfounded.

I continue to see Carlos Chalbaud in the neighborhood. He seems to live on Macomb Street. He is originally from Venezuela. He has the appearance of a sweet, sensitive individual. He may be a student.]

6-29-01 Yesterday, someone left a gay (homosexual) publication ("The Advocate") in the magazine exchange in the library. It's a special issue of the magazine dealing with "The Millennium March on Washington," on Wed 6-27-01. I told Dr. Shaffer about Aristotle [my name for "Ari" (last name?)], the good-looking young guy who used to live here at 3801. I described Aristotle to Dr. Shaffer as "A Walker." -- that he appeared to take long walks [which I associated to "The Millennium March" for homosexuals]. -- As I was sitting at the computer, the custodian [Alex Chandler] who replaced Keith Peoples, bent down next to me and said: "Does that feel better?" He was talking about the air conditioning that had just been fixed. -- But I knew what he really meant. If he wanted to ask me out, he should have just said so! Oh, brother!

7-2-01 This is [imaginary] Brian's idea of protection. I keep telling him "It's not going to work, man!" [Attached is page from "Vanity Fair" magazine that features a photo of a nude male model with an inflated rubber toy covering "the area of interest."]

[Imaginary] Brian was here this weekend. You can never be too safe with that guy. "He sleeps with the dolphins." Brian charges me a late fee if I don't come on time. [Attached is a "LifeStyles" condom wrapper.] Did you ever hear of such a thing? Brian's balls are in the shop right now -- beyond repair.

7-3-01 Have the home office look into Richard & his wife -- I think they live on the sixth floor. They are middle-aged, with grown children -- both previously married. He is stocky and has white hair (a perfect running mate for Ross Perot, I might add). They moved in while John Reuss was still manager. Get the home office to look into them. I thought I heard he was in real estate -- maybe I am wrong. Dr. Shaffer was in a state yesterday. I thought she was especially aggressive, and looking for an argument. I think these letters are getting to her. The librarians have a noticeably different way of interacting around me. Very cold, frigid. It's since I started communicating to you. It's obvious to me they are reacting to something. -- That tells me my letters are being read. (Richard's wife works out in the ex[ercise] room.)

["Richard & his wife" later moved to 3701 Connecticut Avenue, a condominium.]

7-5-01 Elizabeth Joyce is very circumspect around me, knowing I will report anything of interest that she says. I noticed in the library on 7-3-01 that Barbara seems really different. No more of that sucking-up crap, like: "Oh, Mr. Freedman is our most conscientious patron. If we can trust anyone, it's Mr. Freedman." What a passive-aggressive ass-licker she is!! [The circulation desk employee] Pauline Jones was back on Tuesday. The sister looked admiringly at me. She was using heterosexual double-entendres. Carlos was there. I think somebody talked to him about me. He no longer gives me that look like I'm gonna pull him behind the stacks and hump his ass. -- Poor Carlos, I sure did give him a scare for a while. The bricks [I stole from the building site at 3883 Connecticut Avenue] are in the oven -- makes great pizza.

7-6-01 Tell David Castleberry that he's got a problem with the tenant in 436. 436 has two bird feeders attached to the outside window. First, that's a lease violation. Two, there's a potential negligence problem for WRIT if those things fall off and bop somebody on the head or crash through Elizabeth Joyce's windshield (especially, since it's a lease violation that David has acquiesced in). Third, birdseed falls down on my window ledge, and I get birds pecking on my window. Do I have to contact WRIT to get management here to enforce leases? -- Find out why the branch librarian [Brian Brown] has allowed, for years now, a patron named J. Connolly to sleep at a table in the library. Connolly is middle-aged. Gray hair. Uses (or sleeps in) library every day.

7-9-01 Here's your assignment for today: 1. Look into David Dickinson on the 9th floor. He is a lawyer who's admitted to practice in California. What's his story -- give me a report. -- 2. There used to be a married couple on the first floor. They were both obese and had a little girl named "May." Elizabeth would remember them. The woman once said to her little girl (as she pointed to me) "May, that man doesn't like children." (They were goof balls). Well, in April -- wouldn't you know, I heard the woman chatting in a familiar way with Bruce Snyder, who's now stationed at the Chevy Chase Branch of the DC Library System. Yesterday I saw them at the Giant Supermarket. They moved from 3801 in about 1995.

7-10-01 1. I was thinking of contacting Judy Glassie [a management employee at WRIT, which runs 3801 Connecticut Avenue] about a covenant not to sue WRIT. Quid pro quo -- I agree not to sue, and WRIT lowers my rent. What do you think? Talk to David Castleberry. It could, in the end, be a good investment. I was thinking of contacting WRIT's accountancy firm. 2. If I'm summoned for jury duty, I'm going to submit the entire "archives" [that is, these messages] to the chief Judge as material to the evidence placed in controversy by Chuck Reischel (Esq.) about my mental state. Wait till Judge Johnson reads these letters: "Who the hell is Brian?" [Imaginary] Brian was here last night. He said to me: "Where do you want me to put the cigar?" I said: "In the ashtray." He said: "Is that what you call it?" [A reference to President Clinton's use of a cigar to stimulate Monica Lewinsky sexually.]

7-11-01 Went to the library yesterday. While Carlos was there, the branch librarian [Brian Brown] was talking to Justin (who used to volunteer at that branch). They talked about Rock Hudson -- and his movies with Doris Day. Justin talked about being on a train -- there was a drunk on the train -- The conductor was calling Justin's name over the P.A. System. I might have all this confused, but I see it as related to me. Then, the branch librarian was talking on the telephone to somebody about the children's librarian at that branch. I thought that was a reference to Anna Freud and her work as a child analyst. Just days before I had added material to my autobiography about Anna Freud. [The patron] J. Connolly mentioned that he lived in Brazil as a Peace Corps volunteer. It just occurred to me that there were some other odd things in the conversation yesterday (7-10-01) between Justin & the branch librarian. Justin used the word "proclivities" a number of times and mentioned "young boys." All the while, Carlos Chalbaud was at the computer. Tell me that's just a coincidence!

[Attached is something cut out of a magazine: an ad for the year 1916 Tournament of Roses, Brown University vs. State College of Washington. Includes my handwritten note:] The one bending over to receive is [Akin Gump managing partner] Larry Hoffman. Brown class of 1918. Half-man, half-amazing!

[Note that the phrase "the one bending over to receive" is a symbolic reference to anal intercourse. Hoffman was the managing partner at Akin Gump during my tenure. The sexual allusion to Hoffman suggests my psychological act of discharging feelings of overstimulation by fantasizing about Hoffman being anally raped.

Note a significant contemporaneous event: The CBS-TV reality show "Big Brother 2" began airing on 7-5-01. The show has aired every summer since the year 2000. "Big Brother 2" featured my favorite contestant, Hardy Ames Hill -- an individual who might be termed a "moral narcissist." Hill protected the weaker contestants against the aggression of the stronger contestants. A newspaper article about the show referred to Hill as "The Enforcer." At a later point in the season, an aggressive contestant (who was angry with Hill) used Hill's toothbrush to scrub the toilet in the guest house. Hill was enraged, and said at one point: "You're fucking with the wrong bull, I'm telling you. You're fucking with the wrong bull." My handwritten note "Half-man, half-amazing" is a quote from a statement made by "Big Brother 2" contestant Will Kirby, MD, about himself.]

7-12-01 The date today 7-12 reminds me of my 7th grade homeroom class (712) -- the homeroom teacher was Miss Lillian Camaioni (pronounced CA - ME - OH - NEE). She told my mama at a parent/teacher conference that I was a "scholar and a gentleman" -- that was then (1965-1966). Look at me now! -- Now, down to business. So, what's the story with Michael Ellsberg (146) -- the Ellsberg kid? He graduated from Brown [University]. Couldn't he get into Harvard? The Ellsberg smart genes skip a generation? Maybe the kid's got toy trains on the brain. [Michael Ellsberg's mother, Patricia Marx Ellsberg, was the daughter of Louis Marx, the toy train manufacturer.] -- Dr. Shaffer is a nincompoop ! ! ! -- Interesting thing happened at the library yesterday (7-11). Insight into Barbara. There were two good-looking jocks in the library, using the computer (Chris Block & Mike Doyle). I noticed Barbara eyeing Doyle. She seemed to get sexual pleasure out of it. (Personally I thought Chris Block was the hot one). Then later, Barbara says to me: "Oh, Mr. Freedman, this young man (pointing to Doyle's name on the computer sign out sheet) just stepped out. I'm saving the computer for him." THAT VIOLATES THE LIBRARY RULES. Then, I came back to the library later in the afternoon. A guy named "Pablo" signed up for the computer, then stepped out, and in the interim, Barbara the librarian called out his (Pablo's) name. She put him down as a "no show" on the sign out sheet (correct procedure). I guess if you're young, hot and f---able, Barbara gives special privileges. Does this fit the profile of a vindictive, passive-aggressive wench? -- Ask [former FBI profiler] Jack Douglas. [Blocked off in corner of page:] The shit hits the fan corner. I'm thinking of driving Dennis Race up the wall by sending out inquiries to major law firms, requesting legal counsel to negotiate my covenant not to sue WRIT -- mentioning that [former Akin Gump partner and later Treasury Department General Counsel] Ed Knight approved the burglary of my apt.

[Note that this is the first message that mentions Dennis Race. The reference is associated with a negative comment about my psychologist, Nancy Shaffer, Ph.D. This tends to confirm that whenever I'm feeling angry (overstimulated) about anything (particularly my therapists), I redirect (or discharge) my hostility (or overstimulation) to Dennis Race in a passive-aggressive manner.

Psychoanalytically, note the association of the phrase "young, hot and f---able" to the remote idea of burglary of my apartment (symbolically, a violation or rape). The association to the idea of rape is related to Daniel Ellsberg: the Nixon White House approved the burglary of Ellsberg's psychiatrist's office. Ed Knight, a former Akin Gump partner, was General Counsel of the Treasury Department (the rectum? [psychoanalytically, gold = feces]) in the Clinton Administration. Note the reference to "shit" [hits the fan] and the reference to Dr. Shaffer as a nincom"poop."

Compare the message on 7-10 that refers to President Clinton's use of a cigar to stimulate a vagina. Note my apparent confusion of vagina and anus: an ashtray is a waste receptacle (like the anus or a toilet). The joking reference (in the message on 7-10) confuses "ashtray" with "vagina" (a receptacle for a penis or, in the case of Monica Lewinsky, a cigar).

Oddly enough (or "oddly enough") it would be weeks later that, on the CBS-TV series "Big Brother 2," a contestant used an implement (toothbrush) that is intended for use in the mouth to scrub the toilet (a receptacle for anal material). It is not beyond the realm of possibility that I unconsciously identified the interpersonal relations of the "Big Brother 2" contestants with early childhood relations in my family, and, at some level, foresaw (or fantasized) the interpersonal outcome of those disturbed relations. In any event, I subjectively experience this material as uncanny. It's as if these messages in early July symbolically adumbrate the later events on the TV series "Big Brother 2," namely the action of the contestant Shannon in using Hardy Hill's toothbrush to scrub the guest house toilet.

Perhaps Dr. Shengold would see this message (and those immediately preceding it) as a significant expression of feelings of "too-muchness," overstimulation, and anal violation. See message on 7-11 that contains a symbolic reference to the rape of Larry Hoffman, a graduate of "Brown" University. The Branch Librarian at the Cleveland Park division is Brian Brown.

In any event, this material supports the view that as early as the year 2001 I associated my experiences at the Cleveland Park Library to feelings of overstimulation and anal rape.]

7-13-01 Yesterday (7-12) Elizabeth Joyce gave me, what I would call, an exasperated look -- as if she wanted to say something, but, felt she had to restrain herself and say nothing [note the projection of feelings of "overstimulation" to Elizabeth Joyce, the front desk manager at my apartment building]. I infer that something has been going on. Well, was I right about [the library volunteer] Justin, or not? Amazing, eh? Assignment: There used to be a front desk person here (I specifically recall she was here in mid-1997) -- her name was Beverly -- She was a sister. She seemed to fit Drew Weston's Type I personality: Good language skills, perfectionistic, diligent, self-motivated, preoccupied with food & eating. She was especially friendly with Elizabeth, the tenant from Australia (Rickey's honey). What's Bev's story?

7-16-01 Yesterday morning (7-15-01) about 9:30 AM, walking home from the supermarket I walked past one of the former volunteers at the Cleveland Park Library. It was in front of 3801 Connecticut. She gave me an obscene look -- as only someone who knew about me would do. I don't know her name. She is short, pudgy, walks around with a Walkman radio, light hair & looks like a mongoloid (Down's Syndrome). Also last week, someone left the following issue of Smithsonian in the library magazine exchange. Was it a reference to Paul Bloom, Ph.D., or Harold Bloom -- or both? [Attached is Smithsonian magazine cover for the April 2000 issue featuring a picture of a flower with the caption "The Art of the Flower." I don't recall now who Paul Bloom, Ph.D. is.]

[The library volunteer, identified as a Down's Syndrome victim, still lives in the neighborhood.]

7-17-01 The atmosphere in the library yesterday was FRIGID -- and I'm not talking about the air temperature. Barbara was acting out in her passive aggressive way.

[Imaginary] Brian was here last night. He said to me: "Would you be angry with me if I cracked your head open with this carpet sweeper." (Brian swings carpet sweeper). I said: "Does this mean you don't want to sweep with me anymore?"

[Parody of both "Big Brother 2" and a Seinfeld episode.]

7-18-01 I sat across from Julian Bond on the northbound Red Line, yesterday afternoon (about 1:45 PM). He was wearing light tan pants, yellow print tie, and a seersucker jacket. He was reading the "Science" section of the NY Times. I thought: "There's one brother who doesn't buy custom-made shirts." But as Vernon Jordan would say: "Maybe he should."

7-19-01 This is a [vacation] postcard that my dear friend Jesse Raben sent back to the folks at my old firm [Akin Gump]. He says that all he does is sleep, ski, and eat. Of course, he left out the most important thing -- [the] flossing.

[Attached is postcard from Killington, Vermont addressed to Constance Brown: "Dear Constance & the file room -- Skiing is wonderful. Vermont is beautiful. I really hope you guys are not working too hard while all I do is sleep and ski and eat. Anyway -- I hope to see you Tuesday -- Jesse"].

[Fortunately, Raben didn't say: "P.S. Enjoyed the cabin." Then -- THEN -- I'd start to worry.]

-- In Memoriam -- Katherine Graham -- She outlived John Mitchell and she kept her tits after all.

[Refers to the death of Washington Post owner, Katherine Graham. Former Attorney General John Mitchell had made a crude remark about Graham during the Watergate matter, to which the message alludes.]

7-20-01 I have noticed that since I communicated to you about J. Connolly (the middle-aged white male who sleeps in the library), he looks intently at me when he sees me -- not angrily, or with any emotion, just the appearance of the physical behavior of looking. As I say, he didn't look at me this way in the past. Why do you think that is? Thelma (a tenant here) [now deceased] was talking to Elizabeth Joyce yesterday (7-19) -- You know, Thelma? She's friendly with that nut job, Anne Gaddis (is that her name? -- I think even Elizabeth Joyce, who is friendly with everyone, finds Anne Gaddis hard to take) -- well, Elizabeth was talking to Thelma about Thelma's dental and eye problems, and Thelma said she'd talk to Elizabeth on Sunday -- that's what I think I heard. Is Elizabeth working on Sunday? Did I hear correctly? Listen, I have a complaint. There are these couple of young people (girl and guy) -- I think one or both moved in a couple of months or weeks ago -- they drive a dark green SUV and sometimes park out under my window. Well, I had previously formed the impression that they were unusually loud -- even rowdy -- well, late yesterday afternoon or early evening (around 6:20 PM), they were drunk and rowdy, they drove up the driveway hooting and hollering, and dropped off a couple of Styrofoam coolers, numerous beer cans, what looks like a wine bottle with a cork in it -- I'm looking at the crap right now (8:00 AM 7/20). Well, they dumped that crap by the driveway side of the tool shed. Ask Sergio [one of the housekeepers] about it, -- he's parked just next to it. Well, I don't care about the mess (I can be a pig myself) -- but, the crows got to it, and, man, you would not believe how those crows went at that stuff -- like a bunch of kids at Disneyworld!! I thought it was a person out there. I looked, and it was like I was in some Hitchcock movie [with all the crows pecking at the trash]. Dark green SUV -- Check it out -- Hope to get lucky this weekend. Later, --

7-23-01 The pigs with the dark green SUV dumped a bit more trash out by the tool shed on Saturday. The clean-up guy who came Sunday morning (7-22) had to clean it up. I caught the license no. -- TEXAS LICENSE NO. RCZ 52L -- It's a jeep Grand Cherokee -- (Dark Green) -- probably friends of Bob Strauss. Friday afternoon Jerry Zwirn came to visit at the library & chatted with Velvel Dacosta. Jerry used to be a librarian at Cleveland Park -- till he retired earlier this year. The branch librarian [Brian Brown] talks in hushed tones when he talks about where Jerry went -- obviously, the branch librarian (I think his name is Brown) doesn't want me to know where Jerry is. Anyway, in the conversation between Dacosta and Jerry Z., Dacosta used words and phrases that I thought were directed at me, symbolically.

Dacosta used the phrases:

The Central Library -- [a manifest reference to MLK] which I took to be a [symbolic] reference to my old high school

Brian is going on vacation (whoever "Brian" is) Jesse Raben's vacation in Vermont?

I don't know where he's going. He's not going to Italy (I went to Italy 23 years ago) Jesse Raben's vacation in Vermont?

10-mile hike -- possible reference to Aristotle [Ari], who used to be a tenant at 3801

Hold -- masturbation

Cute -- something sexual there -- Jesse Raben was not cute -- he was smooth but masculine, his hands were milky white

"For the birds" -- Jesse Raben (Raben = Raven) [Raben = Raven = Crow, see message at 7/20/01]

7-24-01 Yesterday (7-23), at the library, somebody ripped-off Barbara's wallet. Don't you know, Hillary asks ME and only ME if I saw anything. So if I'm observant and see things, I'm labeled "paranoid." But if I don't see anything -- like who it was who stole Barbara's wallet, then I'm no good either. Did you have David Castleberry talk to those pigs from Texas who dumped their trash by the tool shed? You should do that. Let that be your assignment for today. Pauline [Jones] & Charles Davis in the library had good feelings about me yesterday -- I could tell -- it's one of my powers.

7-25-01 Yesterday, at the library another strange coincidence occurred. In the magazine exchange someone had left a magazine on top of the others. The magazine was the March 2000 issue of "Outside" -- a sports magazine for outdoorsmen. The magazine was folded in a way that the contents of two pages were revealed. Over to the side [pointing arrow], I show you how it appeared. One page has the words "It's not a feeling you can get" -- the facing page depicts a man swimming with dolphins. [See message dated 6/20/01.] Incidentally, the head librarian started his vacation on Monday -- I think his name is Brown. Do you believe them -- they are so blatant! I'm thinking of sending this to the FBI ("Freaks Behind the Instigating").

7-26-01 This past weekend (7/20-7/21) I heard David Dickinson (or the person I think is David Dickinson -- I don't really know who he is)-- well, Dickinson was in the lobby talking to a young lady about "Matsui." I had no idea who that was. All I heard was "Matsui, Matsui," -- and references to the internment of Japanese-Americans during WWII. Then, yesterday, I found out that "Matsui" is Robert Matsui, a Congressman from California. -- Your assignment for today -- Find out what David Dickinson has to do with Matsui -- and what Matsui has to do with all this. Get on it! David Dickinson is openly bi-coastal.

[Dickinson is originally from California, and is licensed to practice law there.]

7-27-01 Not much to report. I picked up a possible reference to Toni Morrison at the library yesterday. --"It's not LIKE anything else." That's what Professor Morrison says: "I'm not LIKE Faulkner, I'm not LIKE -- etc." When I was at Cleveland Park Liquor yesterday to pick up a six-pack -- the chief guy -- the "Nabob" -- he had that admiring quality and Robbie had a funny quality to his "Thank you." Elizabeth Joyce has been in this "walking-on-eggshells" state since I've been writing to you. Does she know she'll be prosecuted if the authorities find out about her activities? -- It would be a shame if she spends the last years of her life behind steel bars. ASSIGNMENT: What does Darla know? -- She's Elizabeth's bosom buddy.

[Darla used to work in the rental office at 3801.]

7-30-01 Brief message -- But it's a major assignment: Neil Sagot's first wife, Lois Sagot, had a close friend named Flossie -- find out what she knows. FOR THE COINCIDENCE FILE: A day after I mentioned Robert Matsui to you, the following issue of Sports Illustrated made its way to the top of the magazine pile at the library. [Attached is cover of Sports Illustrated for May 28, 2001 featuring a photo with caption: "Red Hot. Japanese sensation Ichiro Suzuki of the Seattle Mariners."]

7-31-01 Mailing in my attorney license form, I got to thinking about what happens when I send these documents ("The Archives") to the U.S. District Court -- as submit them I perforce must.-- If I am summoned for jury duty. As you know Neil Sagot (a Pennsylvania lawyer) filed a fraudulent lawsuit on behalf of my brother-in-law in 1977. That's fraud. Is there a statute of limitations to that? When Judge Johnson reads these documents, what will she do? Can I direct her not to read certain passages? Can I make it known that I never colluded in insurance fraud, illegality, or any act of moral turpitude (other than masturbating on the roof of 3801 Connecticut Avenue)?
8-1-01 My brother-in-law had a friend Arthur Calhoun ("Art") -- they rented office space in the same suite. Art attended my mother's funeral in 1980. Art liked to dabble in homosexual liaisons. He and his wife, Joy Calhoun, divorced. Find out what Joy knows -- they had a son named Chris who would be about 30 years old now.

"For the German-Jewish Emigre File." In the early 1940's my mother worked with a young female German-Jewish immigrant named Hertha. In about 1945, Hertha married another German-Jewish immigrant named Helmut Haas. They got married on a Saturday evening (after sundown -- of course!). My mother attended the wedding. Helmut & Hertha Haas later lived down the street from us on the 1600 block of Barringer Street in Philadelphia. They had a young daughter. Hertha said that Claire Brister [1613 Barringer Street] tried to befriend her. I think Hertha said she didn't care for Claire -- Can you imagine? Maybe Chuck Strauss knew the Haas family.

I have a theory that Elizabeth Joyce is actually the illegitimate daughter of Adolf Hitler and the Queen Mother (Elizabeth Bowles). If you think about it, it all begins to make sense.

Joyce was born in 1930

She speaks with a British accent

She's from London

She doesn't talk about her father (Let's face it -- if Hitler were your father, would you be talking about him?)

She works in a confined area behind the front desk -- and seems happy doing it (consistent with her being raised in the basement of Windsor Castle).

She won't retire, just like her half-sister, Elizabeth Windsor

She used to manage properties -- again, like the Queen.

8-2-01 I've been watching a summer TV show called "Big Brother" -- on CBS 3x/week. It's been on since July 5, 2001. Tuesday July 31, 2001, I talked about the show for the first time with Dr. Shaffer, my psychologist. I offered Dr. Shaffer some of my observations and insights about the show. The show was on last summer -- last summer, the show featured a consultant (Dr. [David Drew] Pinsky) who gave his observations about the interpersonal stuff on the show. Where is this leading you ask? Yesterday, at the library (8-1-2001), on the top of the magazine exchange was the attached issue of the NY Times Book Review (7/29/01) folded in such a way, as shown below, that the phrase "Reviewed by Robert Pinsky" appears noticeably.

8-3-01 In early October 1987, Daniel Cutler told me that, sometime previous, he had been to a party where he witnessed local TV anchorman Jim Vance using cocaine. Check this out. It was Daniel Cutler who I believe purchased marijuana on company time [at Hogan & Hartson] and distributed it to selected coworkers in about April 1987. Message for Judge Johnson -- Ignore this page!

8-6-01 I had a really paranoid experience at the barber on Friday (8-3). First of all, the owner "The Maestro" (Puglisi) wasn't there. A young, good-looking (but slightly chubby), Spanish-speaking guy cut my hair. By the way, excellent haircut, dude! But, anyway, the young barber used words and phrases that seemed aimed at me personally, and [it seemed] that he knew about my personal background, and [that he was] referring to personal facts. (The possibility is that someone who read my dream "Prelude to a Bris" -- about Jerry Seinfeld (May '98), [and] mentions Il Maestro (Puglisi) -- and that someone contacted the shop. Anyway, I thought the barber was testing me -- trying to see if he could get me hot and bothered. I could give you the words and phrases he used, but that would be meaningless to an outsider, like you. Later--

8-7-01 A few interesting developments yesterday. I saw Carlos [Chalbaud] yesterday, as I was walking home from the library. He averted his gaze. But he had a pained expression on his face. (It reminded me of the expression that David Callet, Esq. had, sometimes, when I saw him). Why would that be? What is Carlos reacting to? You tell me!

Earlier, I had confirmation of my insightfulness about Barbara, the librarian. A young man (with his small child) wanted to use the library telephone at the information desk. His name was Robert. -- Like it was something really important. Barbara said: "We're really not supposed to let patrons use the phone -- but go ahead. Make it brief." Robert proceeded to use the phone to place an order for Mexican food! -- So she lets the young attractive guy break the rules. A brief time later, an old woman (nanny) with a couple [of] small children asked Barbara if she would place a call for the old woman for a cab. Barbara turned her away -- and suggested the old woman use the pay phone at CVS across the street. Do I know Barbara? You tell me! Exactly as I pointed out before. If you're not young, male, and fuckable, don't bother asking Barbara for a favor. As Anna Freud would say: "He was right the first time."

8-9-01 Slow news day yesterday. I had the feeling, though, that Barbara the librarian knew what I wrote about her to you. I have to tell you, -- after my morning shower -- especially in the summer, I like to walk around my apartment naked -- totally nudam -- as the ancient Romans would say. I think it gets to those Clark construction guys -- I like to fuck with their heads. By the way, I got the message about the WRIT survey. I can't promise I won't tell them about Elaine Wranik and the other related & crazy goings on here. Sorry, dude.

[At the time Clark Construction Company was building an apartment adjacent to 3801 Connecticut Avenue. My apartment window was directly across from the construction site.

The Washington Real Estate Investment Trust (WRIT) sent a resident satisfaction survey to residents to fill out.]

8-9-01 Pardon the mess in here, but I'm on a roll. In fact, I'm too busy to write today.

8-10-01 I filled out that survey & gave it to David Castleberry to mail in. We really need on-line rent payment! Could you talk to David or Judy [Glassie] about that? Yesterday, I assigned special meaning to certain phrases the librarians used. Barbara referred, in a loud tone to "CIA" or "Central Intelligence Agency" & Velvel used the word "scenario." In the magazine box, there were a lot of magazines about astronomy. (Galileo, Berendson?)

[Richard Berendson, an astronomer, is the past president of American University, where I earned an LL.M. degree. He was a victim of child sexual abuse, and wrote a book about his experiences. I formed the impression that Akin Gump managers had contacted Berendson.]

8-13-01 Yesterday (Sunday) I went to the Brookville market to buy a tomato. [The owner] Mike Shirazzi saw me, and noticeably and unmistakably turned away & avoided eye contact. He usually says hello. Assignment for today: My brother-in-law had a friend named Bert Shaman, who, I believe, was a few years older than my brother-in-law. Bert's wife's name was Esther. Bert had a brother who was religious and moved to Israel. Find out more about the Shaman meshpuchah. Incidentally, Wednesday is Vernon Jordan's birthday -- what do we get him?

8-14-01 This is background on my sister -- specifically, her romantic involvements prior to her meeting her future husband in February 1965 -- when she was 17 years old. It won't take more than a page. My sister met her future husband by way of a friend at my sister's high school (an all-girls school). Coincidentally, my brother-in-law had previously "dated" the older sister of Alice Diamond, who was a classmate of mine in the 7th grade (Wagner Jr. High). I guess you could say the Diamond family's gain was the Freedman family's loss. Alice Diamond played violin in the school orchestra. I once told her that she resembled Queen Victoria. My sister had one previous "boyfriend." He was the cousin of my sister's close friend Nedda Weiss (nee Cohen). He was a few years older than my sister, and was a student at the University of Pennsylvania -- my sister was in the 11th grade at the time. I don't remember his name. I have to laugh when my psychologist, Dr. Shaffer, praises my sister's social adjustment. Basically, my sister was conned by a psychopath at age 17.

8-15-01 Brief note -- but big assignment. Gabriella Komlos. Pennsylvania State University, BS, May 1975 (Nutrition Major). Parents were concentration camp survivors from Hungary (Magyar). (Note the preoccupation with food, as evidenced by her field of study). [See Freedman, M. "Survivor Guilt and the Pathogenesis of Anorexia Nervosa, "Psychiatry," February 1985.] We attended the same Junior High School (Wagner Jr. High). She played violin in the school Orchestra. She spotted me once at Penn State -- during a performance of Handel's Messiah at Christmas time. She noticed I didn't stand during the singing of the Hallelujah Chorus.

8-16-01 So, what did you end up getting Vernon Jordan for his birthday? I didn't get him anything. What did he ever do for me? We all know the answer to that. I don't have much to talk about today. I saw Carlos on the street yesterday. I don't see him in the library anymore. What happened? Did Carlos get his own computer? I have a funny feeling about that tenant who lives with his young son. He used to smile when he saw me. Now he looks at me really strangely. You know who I mean? He speaks with a British-like accent -- Like South African or something. Where do you get these creeps?

[The son's name was "Sebastian."]

8-17-01 I had a big one this morning -- man, did that white sticky stuff fly! I don't have any material left to share-- See ya.

8-20-01 I have another different assignment for you, but I know you can do it, brother. As you know, in 1990 I told Dr. Palombo that I had a classmate in elementary school named Susan Marks; she had a genius level IQ. Well, of course, Dr. Palombo told "The Powers that Be" and they contacted Susan Marks (in 1990 & perhaps thereafter). Susan Marks would have graduated from the Philadelphia High School for Girls ("Girls High") in the year 1970 (211th graduating class). What I never told anyone is that Susan Marks had a female cousin, the same age as she, who was in my seventh grade homeroom class at Wagner Junior High School. I do not recall the cousin's name. The cousin's mother (Susan Marks' aunt) died when the Marks cousins were about 11 years old. (Cancer, I believe).

8-21-01 This is just a reminder. As you know I had two school mates in elementary school (K-6) (Rowan Elementary School -- "Education is not a mere means to Life -- Education is Life" -- if you don't get it, you don't get it.) They were fraternal twins -- Steven and Howard Chanin. [Central High School, 229th class, 1970.] I knew them in high school. Their parents owned a grill eatery in the neighborhood. They majored in psychology at Penn State. What you may not know is that they had two older brothers. One of their older brothers was a mathematical genius (literally). -- Robert Chanin. He went to Penn State as a Guggenheim Scholar (225th Class CHS). He was smarter than [Stanford University Math Professor] Robert Osserman -- but probably not as smart as Earl Segal. (Yea, sure!)

8-22-01 Who's the new guy in apt 137? Is he an orgy guy? Do you think David Castleberry would let me punch a hole through the wall between 136 & 137? Invite some folks over -- and let the good times roll. Plenty of egress and ingress. Know what I mean? I could invite my [imaginary] friend Brian -- his two-inch penis would be a real conversation piece (Message for Blair -- Give my regards to Tootie and Mrs. Garrett -- Thanks).

8-23-01 As you know I had a friend in elementary school named Lee Fuiman and that on one occasion I went to Lee Fuiman's birthday party at his house. What I never told anybody was that there was another kid at the party -- another classmate named Raymond Weisbein (a smartass). Weisbein also went to my high school. At the Fuiman birthday party Weisbein said to me: "I wish you hadn't been invited, Freedman," and he proceeded to tell me how he disliked me. Then in September 1967 -- freshman algebra in high school, Weisbein complained to the teacher (Mr. Nicholas Grant) that he (Weisbein) thought the teacher assigned too much homework. (As I said: --Smartass). Well, the teacher blew up at Weisbein -- "If you want less homework, there are a lot of other high schools where you can get less homework -- Go to Olney, or Germantown, or South Philadelphia." I thought: "Payback time, baby, payback time." By the way, did you ever stop to think that Urbana spelled backwards is "Anabru" -- if you don't get it, you don't get it.

[Lee Fuiman, Ph.D. is now a marine biologist.]

8-24-01 Someone I forgot to mention from High School freshman algebra: Joe Breitman. He's now a dentist and a member, a proud member, a proud, card-carrying member of the Scottish-Jewish Defense League. Arlen Specter truly represents Breitman's interests in the U.S. Senate. Also, please don't tell Elizabeth Joyce that I steal tea bags & Sweet & Low. She doesn't know and doesn't need to know.

[Breitman played the bagpipes in high school.]

8-30-01 I had a session with my psychologist, Dr. Shaffer yesterday. It was a wild scene. She became really discombobulated. If you heard a tape of it you'd really be shocked by her behavior -- she regressed really bad. She doesn't seem to understand I could really screw her. I was thinking of starting up a "pen pal" relationship with a staff attorney (anyone would do -- maybe Ross Wiener, Esq.) at the Justice Department. Not any inflammatory things -- Just my thoughts and feelings. That guy is going to wonder -- "What the hell is going on here--? Why can't he discuss these things with his therapist?" It will be the beginning of the end for Dr. Sh--. Believe me that crap is neither beyond me nor behind me (no pun intended). I can fire the missiles from the silo at any time. Anyway, I couldn't even talk about anything that was on my mind yesterday. And Dr. Sh-- is the only outlet I have. Can you say EXTREME LACK OF EMPATHY boys and girls? Help me! HELP ME! It may be my imagination, or my projection -- but it just seems to me that she becomes really difficult to work with at some sessions immediately preceding a holiday. The last session where she went off, coincidentally, was in late June -- just before July 4th. Then THE WORST session I ever had with her was one just before Christmas in 1999 (I think it was Dec. 22, 1999). She spent the whole session bitching about a letter I had written to Dr. [Albert H.] Taub in late October '99 -- which she had just received. She was in a terrible state about that. Talk about hypersensitive. I have more to say -- But, I'll save it for tomorrow. By the way, do you have the address for the Justice Department?

[Ross Wiener, Esq., practiced law at The Department of Justice. I suspected (but never confirmed) that he was the son of the late Jerry M. Wiener, MD, former head of the psychiatry department at GW. Dr. Wiener had a son named Ross who would have been the same age as Ross Wiener, Esq.]

8-27-01 Assignment. My brother-in-law had a cousin Joyce Norman (nee Robbins). She was divorced from her first husband, Freddie Norman. Freddie Norman, I believe, graduated from Penn State. My brother-in-law's parents resided in a duplex apartment -- Joyce Norman's parents, Sam & Francis Robbins, lived upstairs. Look into Freddie Norman -- what does he know, and when did he know it? Report back to me. Message for Carlos -- Hector is very lonely. Won't you come and play with Hector?

8-28-01 Fall 1971 -- 30 years ago -- Freshman year at college (Penn State -- Abington campus). I took a course in philosophy taught by George Frederick Rieman -- (Yes, just like the famous mathematician of the same name). In that class were two people I had known previously-- William ("Bill") DeVuono -- Central High School (230th class) [and] Gloria Goldsmith -- Wagner Junior High School, 7th & 8th grades. Get me a report! ASAP

8-29-01 I thought I'd give you a break today. I know you've been working hard. -- I've given you some major assignments. I'm still waiting for your reports. Get them to me ASAP. By the way, I noticed this morning that Elizabeth Joyce has a new attitude about my tea bag/Sweet-Low proclivities. A hands-off policy. So you talked -- when I asked you not to!

8-31-01 Ninth grade English class. Elliott Cades ("Ming the Merciless") was the teacher (1903-1986). This was school year 1967-68. A student named Elliott Feldman sat next to me. He was supersmart. We didn't say anything to each other all year. But in about June 1968 I came to school in bright yellow pants (canary-shit color). Feldman said: "Wow." There's a lawyer in Philadelphia named Elliott R. Feldman (born 4-15-54) BA/JD Temple U (summa cum laude/cum laude). Do you think it's the same person? Look into that -- will you please? Thanks. I'm fed up with Dr. Sh-- for now.

9-3-01 How was your holiday? I gave you a break yesterday. I hope you appreciate that! Now let's get down to business: from August 1980 - August 1983 I resided at an apartment house in downtown Philadelphia, "The Sylvania House." Address -- 1324 Locust Street -- Apartment 415,. (I lived there immediately prior to relocating to 3801 Connecticut, DC). My next-door neighbor during the (ran out of ink--sorry) entire period (8/80-8/83) was an individual named E. Chambers Fowler (E. = Edward). Subject was a white male, between 35-45 years of age. A practicing homosexual. Worked at PSFS -- a local bank (Philadelphia Saving Fund Society). Subject was a Navy veteran. Subject visited mother every weekend. Left after work, Friday afternoon and returned Sunday night. Apartment manager was a woman named "Claire" (last name unknown) -- appeared to be Jewish.

9-5-01 This is going back a ways. I don't know if you will find anything on this: During the period August 1979 - August 1980 I lived in Spokane, Washington (then represented in Congress by Akin Gump partner Thomas Foley.) I resided at E15 1/2 Augusta, Spokane 99207. My next-door neighbor was an older gentleman who rode a motorcycle. His name was Dale Green. The rental agent was James T. Bertis Realty. My telephone no. was (509) 322-2017. I ran a drug-smuggling operation from that site. Did a lot of business with the Pacific rim.

9-6-01 I saw Dr. Ruttenberg for the first time yesterday (9-5). She recommended that I take anti-psychotic medication (Zyprexa). She says you don't really come into my apartment every day. Silly Lady!! I think I'll try it (the med). It won't work, because my ideas are not delusions. I'm going to send out letters soliciting legal counsel for a lawsuit against Akin Gump. Put down in writing the whole crap about the guns, the fears of homicide. The "purely coincidental" fact that the U.S. Secret Service refused to investigate while at the same time a former Akin Gump partner (Ed Knight) was General Counsel of Treasury. This is going to every major law firm -- with Dennis Race's telephone number on it. But hey -- If my thinking is delusional & the meds work, of course, I'll stop writing the letters -- get it? Dr. Ruttenberg is going to have heck to pay!!!

[Note again that my anger toward my psychiatrist is redirected to Dennis Race.]

9-7-01 I gave a lot of thought to the matter and have decided on the following course of action. I will forward to Dennis Race and Dr. Ruttenberg (and the U.S. Attorney) a copy of (1) the informed consent statement I submitted to Dr. Taub & (2) the statement affirming my continued adherence to a body of beliefs, placed in controversy by the Corporation Counsel, -- beliefs termed delusional. I will include a Consent to Release confidential psychiatric information to Akin Gump. I will request Dennis Race to review the documents & advise Dr. Ruttenberg of any facts about which he or his partners have first-hand knowledge that would affect Dr. Ruttenberg's diagnostic determination that my beliefs are delusional and her medical recommendation (which I will accept) that I take anti-psychotic drug(s). -- If Dennis Race does not provide to Dr. Ruttenberg information material to her decision to prescribe a neuroleptic (which I will take) -- that's the material current harm. I will then advise D. Race that I plan to find a lawyer & sue Akin Gump. To make a long story short -- I vote to evict Dennis Race.

9-10-01 Here are some more people you may want to look into: I believe one or more of the following persons have been contacted by Akin Gump:

Michael Strong, MD: Cardiothoracic surgeon, now affiliated with Hahneman Hospital in Philadelphia. Operated on my father in 1976. Born in 1941.

Gerald Lemole, MD: Cardiologist -- Head of my father' surgical team. Nationally prominent cardiologist.

Mehmet Oz, MD: Nationally prominent cardiologist -- son-in-law of Dr. Lemole. Article about Dr. Oz in The NY Times Magazine in about the year 1995.

[Arrow pointing left.] This is a mint condition $4.00 magazine. Take it back if you want it. It's a "sin" to throw these things away. What about poor sick people in hospitals?

9-11-01 Do you notice that it's getting darker and darker in here? I think Clark [Construction Company] just got it's own little easement -- Ask Earl about that. Did they pay you for that? You know the electric usage is going to go up here, because this entire side of the building [will be dark] -- Tenants will have to have their lights on all day long when they're home. Suggestion, don't rent any apartments on this side of the building to retired people or psychotics like me. If you ask me, Judy [Glassie] ought to call Clark and tell them: "Just pull the whole thing down, put the dirt back where you found it -- and replant the trees!!"

9-12-01 The bombing in New York yesterday reminded me of an additional person you need to look into: During the summers of 1975 & 1976 I worked at The Franklin Institute in Philadelphia with a young woman named Joan Fleischman. Subject was a college student enrolled at Temple University. I believe Akin Gump contacted subject in the spring or summer of 1991. Akin Gump was probably alerted to subject by Sid Dorfman (Central High School, 1966, 225th class) (Temple U., B.S., 1970). Ask Dorfman about the great snow storm on Christmas eve 1966. Anyway, Fleischman's parents were Jewish immigrants from Nazi Germany. She stated that from her parent's stories she herself was terrified of bombings and flying glass. Remember 1938? Very bad year.

9-12-01 [supplement] You may not believe this, but I wrote the following note before I heard about the buildings being leveled in NYC yesterday -- Amazing, huh?

[Refers back to statement in message dated 9-11-01 -- "If you ask me, Judy [Glassie] ought to call Clark and tell them: "Just pull the whole thing down, put the dirt back where you found it -- and replant the trees!!"]

9-13-01 I have uncovered what may prove to be an important lead in this case. This concerns Jerrold Zwirn ("Jerry"). Subject was employed as a full-time librarian at the Cleveland Park Branch of the DC library system from at least 1991 until his resignation from the system earlier this year. He now works for an as yet unidentified employer. Subject worked closely with the head librarian [Brian Brown] (a nice young man, whose name escapes me). I believe subject (Zwirn) had full access to all the information about me that was channeled to the library staff. I have just learned that subject served as a "community observer," for a study of the DC Superior Court carried out by the Council for Court Excellence. Subject is also a veteran of the U.S. Army and is originally from New York City. Your assignment -- Look into this.

[Attached is cover of report "Council for Court Excellence. Report and Recommendations of the Court Community Observers Project in the District of Columbia Superior Court and its Civil Division. July 2001." Includes handwritten note:] I may contact Chief Judge King about this.

9-14-01 I know this has been a rough week, so I won't give you an assignment.-- Just some information. 1. Tom Pierce in 926 is a homosexual 2. Jeremy Schwartz in 429 is a lawyer. Also, I need a report on Jerry Zwirn. Did you find out anything?

[I did not know either Tom Pierce or Jeremy Schwartz.]

9-18-01 First -- Medication -- As you know my psychiatrist has recommended antipsychotic meds, but refuses to provide a written informed consent. I did some research; under AMA policies, a doctor is strongly recommended to provide written informed consent (AMA Policy E-8.08). Check out the AMA website. Also under the D.C. Code, the ethical standards set by the various medical professional organizations are enforceable under District law. If Dr. "R" refuses to provide written informed consent I may contact the U.S. Attorney's Office. Also, Dr. "R" used fallacious reasoning in refusing to provide a written informed consent. She said basically, "Since I am not requiring that you take meds, that is, you may refuse treatment, I (Dr. R) have no duty to sign a statement." WRONG!! The triggering event for informed consent is the patient's act of embarking on a treatment procedure. The triggering event for informed consent is not that the patient is required to embark on a treatment or procedure. Poor reasoning, Dr. R! Under the AMA policy statement I have a right to know:

1. What is my diagnosis

2. The nature and purpose of the treatment (if my thinking is delusional, what portion of my thinking constitutes the delusions)

3. Risks/benefits - (If I take meds, will I no longer believe I was terminated illegally? Will I no longer believe my supervisor is a court-adjudicated racist?)

4. Alternatives (regardless of cost, or availability at Spring Rd)

5. Risks/Benefits of alternatives

6 Risk/Benefits of not receiving alternative care

Also, your night [front desk] person, Stanley, is a nut case. This morning before 7:00 AM, I got some coffee and was looking through the discarded mail. I did this for about 45 seconds. Stanley saw me, was watching me, and didn't say a word, when I walked over to the discard boxes (which were not labeled "Do not touch") and I heard him mutter -- "God damn trash picker" -- Why did he stand there and say nothing while I was "In flagrante Delicto" -- passive aggressive fellow.

9-17-01 A small, peculiar thing happened on Friday (9-14-01), which I read meaning into. As I was walking up Connecticut Avenue, from the library, I passed by a regular library patron, Jeremy Wittes. Subject is unusually friendly with everyone and always calls out to me to say hello. But on Friday he was looking down as he passed me and said nothing. I assume someone has talked to subject about me.

9-19-01 All Quiet on the Western Front -- All I can say is -- At least the sister made it farther than the good-looking white boy.

[Refers to CBS-TV series "Big Brother 2." Hardy Ames Hill was evicted before the African-American contestant, Monica Bailey.]

9-20-01 Last week someone left the attached book by Linda Miller in the magazine exchange in the Cleveland Park Branch of the DC library system. I had previously told my psychologist [Dr. Shaffer] that my high school French teacher was named Linda Miller. I feel like I'm being psychologically raped every day of the week!

The only way I have to work off the extreme tension is to whack off on the floor next to the window -- I find that exhibitionism negates intrusion (rape). HELP ME! HELP ME!

[Attached is cover of romance novel by Linda Lael Miller titled "Just Kate," published by Silhouette Desire. My high school French teacher, Linda Miller, was young and physically attractive. Fredric L. Cohen, MD, was one of her students.]

9-21-01 People say: "What does he want?" "What will make him stop?" -- How about if I just get my job back -- is that a lot for a "perfect" employee to ask? Maybe Judy [Glassie] could talk to WRIT's lawyers and have them talk to Dennis Race. By the way -- I have a seven-digit number in my head (The last two digits are "28") [Refers to Dennis Race's office telephone number, 887-4028]. Here's what I'm thinking -- I could find out what law firm represents Clark [Construction Company] and send them a letter with some interesting documents attached. I tell them that I was "raped" by friends of President Clinton -- Now that's an attention grabber. Explain that I'm forced to whack off in public -- It's a consequence of my "rape" -- and ask for a written statement directing me to cease the activity. (Akin Gump gave me the name -- hey -- I'm just playin' the game!)

9-24-01 Strange coincidence on Friday at the library-- On Thursday (9-20) I gave my psychologist [Dr. Shaffer] some written material about novelist Michael Chabon, and I scrawled a notation on the material. In the notation I referred to the psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut [now deceased]. On Friday, at the library, someone left the attached document in the magazine exchange. -- The document is a press release from the Pew Research Center -- and the director's name is Andrew KOHUT. The document was folded exactly as you see it, to the right, drawing attention to Kohut's name.

9-25-01 Assignment -- Look into Lewis Lipshutz. Subject was in my graduating class (230) at Central High School (1971). Subject took piano lessons with Elisabeth Griffith, my piano teacher. Subject performed at piano recital given by Griffith in June 1968 at the Strawbridge & Clothier Dept store in Jenkintown, PA. Subject (I believe) was in my 9th grade algebra I class (first period '67-'68 -- Nicholas Grant, teacher). In spring 1972 (first year college) I took a phys ed course -- bowling -- class was held at the Del Ennis Bowling Lanes in the Northeast Sect of Phila -- used to see subject there.

[Lewis Lipshutz is now deceased.]

9-26-01 No assignment today -- You need to get on the assignment I gave you yesterday. Just a word on what's been going on in the Big Brother House -- [Attached is photo of President Bush captioned "The battle ahead." Includes my own handwritten caption attributing the following statement to President Bush:] You're fucking with the wrong bull, I'm telling you. You're fucking with the wrong bull.

9-27-01 God Bless America. [Hand drawn picture of U.S. flag.] I told my psychologist [Dr. Shaffer] yesterday about my war preparation plans. I plan to seal my windows with duck tape -- this is a protective measure against germ/chem warfare. Also, I want to get a gas mask. I already have a 7-months food supply on hand, but I need a store of water. I think David Castleberry needs to seal the whole building -- and think about other civil defense issues. I think a revolving door at the front entrance is advisable. Close the garage -- People will just have to park somewhere else. -- Carlos, wherever you are, take care of yourself. Good yontif, y'all. (Dave & Jesse).

[Refers to Jesse Raben and his brother, David Raben, MD, a radiologist who practices in Montgomery, Alabama. The Rabens are from Greensboro, North Carolina. The phrase "Good yontif" refers to the upcoming Jewish High Holidays.]

9-28-01 I think Dennis Race should take a cue from President Ford. In 1974 Ford concluded that it was simply more practical to pardon President Nixon, than to let things drag on indefinitely -- with prosecutions and so forth. That's what DMR needs to be thinking -- Is it better to have a loose cannon out there -- or bring him back (pardon him, if you will) where we're in a position to control him. So, anyway "Clark [Construction Company]" says to me -- "Where do you do it?" I say: "On the floor." Clark says: "When?' I say: "7:00, 7:30. Mornings." Clark says -- "Ever do it later in the day?" I say: "Fuck NO -- What do you think I am? -- Some kind of PERVERT? In the middle of the day??"

[Refers to my masturbating in front of the construction workers employed by Clark Construction Company. Note the association to "loose cannon," a phallic projectile object; the phrase "loose" cannon suggests "out-of-control" sexuality.]

10-01-01 I thought I'd start off October with a light assignment. Don't put much time into it. Kramer or Cramer. (Don't recall the spelling). He was a year ahead of me in high school, that is, 229th class -- 1970). Outstanding pianist. Played the celesta part in the performance of excerpts from Strauss' "Der Rosenkavalier" our high school orchestra did in March 1968. -- He was a homosexual. Reason I mention him -- He was the only homosexual I knew about in high school. I didn't know him. He didn't know me. The Chanin brothers knew him (not in a biblical sense).

10-02-01 Assignment -- Look into Charles Leon Green ("Chas"). We worked together as agency temps at Hogan & Hartson from Sept - Dec 1985, for a client named AVCO (billing partner, William Bradford, Esq.). Subject was born in about 1960; graduated Bethesda-Chevy Chase HS in about 1978; bachelor's degree U. Maryland (about 1982); Emory Univ. Law School (about 1985). Published paper in law school bankruptcy journal; trained as a chef. Upper middle-class background. Girlfriend named Karla Grasse (cohabited). Grandfather was law professor at Yale Law School. Joined Army JAG Corps in 1986. Current whereabouts unknown. We spent some time talking about renaissance men and the ever-popular pastime of recreational whacking off. Knew Sandra Smalls (data-entry operator at Hogan). Knew she was a scam artist. Once said to me: "Someday you're going to screw around with the wrong person, and they're going to find your body, face down, floating down the Potomac, with a knife in your back." That day may be approaching.


10-3-01 Tomorrow is my big day with my psychiatrist -- she's scheduled to prescribe antipsychotic meds for my delusional disorder -- delusional disorder -- HA! That's a joke. Eventually, the truth is going to come out, and there's going to be some high-profile criminal prosecutions. You think I'm going to take it lying down that a psychiatrist at a city-run clinic pumped me full of meds that might have irreversible side effects? No! I'm going to see that Dr. Ruttenberg gets screwed. It's like Ann Richards said about Ross Perot -- Her recommendation for dealing with him: "Whatever you do, don't make him angry." TONY [WILLIAMS:] -- Does multi-million dollar lawsuit mean anything to you. Hint -- It doesn't go with a bow tie!

[cf. Written statement addressed to DC branch librarian Brian Brown dated April 16, 2004 -- "People will pay for my pain." "I'm no longer taking the antipsychotic meds that were prescribed for me." "I'm in a dark place." "Trouble for you, fun for me." I explained to Metro DC Police Officer J.E. Williams (Badge 1226, Second District) on Wednesday April 21, 2004 that the message to Brian Brown (dated 4-16-04) concerned my thoughts about the use of legal process, and not violence, to vindicate my damages. The above entry (dated 10-3-01) supports the truth of my statement to the Metro DC Police.]

10-04-01 We gotta do a quickie today, 'cause I got places to go, people to see, things to do. My whole life doesn't revolve around you, guy. Here it is-- The tenant in 226 -- Don't know her name. She looks like a female phys. ed. teacher. Thing is-- She used to be very friendly with Beverly, the former front desk person. They chatted fairly often. Assignment -- What does 226 know? By the way, Dave C. wasn't his chipper self this morning. What's up with him. More tomorrow!

10-05-01 I start on my antipsychotic meds tonight. As for an end to these letters, don't hold your breath. Now to your assignment: During the entire period of my early tenure at Akin Gump (beginning March 1988) there was a paralegal at the firm named Jeffrey Wertman -- a recent college graduate who worked in the labor group on Eastern Airlines. The same project I worked on. Subject left the firm in late summer 1988 to attend American University Law School. He would have graduated in about 1991. I know that according to an entry in Martindale-Hubble (the lawyer's directory) subject practiced in Miami, Florida. Subject won a writing competition in law school. I believe Richard Wyatt, Esq., a partner at Akin Gump, wrote a letter of recommendation for subject that should be on file at AU. Subject resided at 3701 Connecticut Avenue--next door.

[Included is a magazine photo of President George W. Bush leading a cabinet meeting. I've written as a caption "Inside the Diary Room: 'I've got some surprises up my sleeve that will drop the country's jaw -- if I get to play it my way.'"] [The note is a paraphrase of a statement made during the summer of 2001 by Hardy Ames Hill, a contestant on the CBS-TV reality series, "Big Brother."]

10-08-01 So far my jaw hasn't dropped. -- Just my pants! [Note appended to magazine photo from "Vanity Fair" magazine, depicting a female model touching the naked buttocks of a male model, whose pants have been pulled down to expose his posterior.]

10-9-01 Please thank Mr. Castleberry for turning the heat on. It's delightful. Now to serious business. My mother worked with a young man named Steven ("Steve") Miller in the mid 70s at The Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. Miller graduated from Central High School in the early to mid-sixties. He worked as an editor at the Institute. What's his story? Miller later married a coworker named Joann Wagner (presumably, not the same individual who works as an editor at "The Journal of the American Psychiatric Association," published here in DC. (Her name is Joann Wagner also).

10-9-01 [Time Magazine photo of President George W. Bush seated between Secretary of State Colin Powell and Vice President Dick Cheney, with my handwritten caption]: I don't want you to think I'm declaring war against Islam, or anything like that, I'm not. It's not only who you condemn -- who you declare a pariah state -- It's who you ally yourself with. When somebody says they don't have a problem with how those [m-f'ing] animals act, and say "Oh, they still haven't done anything to me -- that's OK" -- then you're guilty by association in my book. [The note is a paraphrase of a statement made during the summer of 2001 by Hardy Ames Hill, a contestant on the CBS-TV reality series, "Big Brother."]

10-10-01 Maybe a lawyer like Daniel Daniels is somebody I ought to work for -- Harvard grad (probably smarter than Chuck Reischel) -- and involved in theater. But as Michael Madigan says -- Law is theater (right, and in Akin Gump's case it's farce). [Note appended to cutout portion of ALI-ABA Professional Skills Program -- "Public Speaking for Lawyers," scheduled for Friday November 30, 2001 at the Renaissance Hotel in Washington, DC. Program is to feature Daniel L. Daniels, who, the program states, recently appeared as Nicely Johnson in an off-Broadway (Darien, Connecticut) production of "Guys and Dolls." A graduate of Dartmouth College and Harvard Law School, Mr. Daniels also is a member of the Stamford, Connecticut law firm, Cummings & Lockwood.]

10-11-01 Assignment for today: Check into Phillip Feigen. Subject was a legal assistant at Akin Gump from midyear 1988 to 1990. Worked in the labor practice group on Eastern Airlines. Worked a lot of overtime. Assigned to office on second floor, which he shared with another legal assistant, Jesse Raben. Left firm to attend law school (Catholic University) -- would have graduated in about 1993. Took a trip to Spain. Subject & Raben were sent to National Airport in 1989 to videotape striking Eastern pilots. Telephone directory lists a "Phillip G. Feigen" at 2550 M Street (office -- no. 457-6000). (I started my antipsychotic meds last night).

10-12-01 Who's the common traveler on this floor? [note appended to first page of the October 12, 2001 issue of the gay newspaper, "The Washington Blade"]

[appended to 10-12-01 is handwritten note written on Smithsonian Institution promotional material:] Do you think Mary Blum left this for me intentionally in the lobby? -- Antipsychotic meds, what's up with them? [Mary Agnes Blum is an elderly tenant who resides in apartment 334].

10-12-01 Assignment. Check into Robert M. Landau, Esq. Subject used to be an associate at Akin Gump -- while I worked there. He's now at another firm located at 1350 Connecticut Ave., NW (955-8305). He specializes in ERISA (The Employee Retirement Income Security Act). When I first started working at the firm I submitted a written reference to the legal assistant administrator (Margarita Babb) that was written by a lawyer for whom I clerked while I attended law school (Thomas Jennings, Esq.). (Philadelphia). Jennings specialized in ERISA law and his letter refers to that fact. Landau and I had no verbal contact, but I had formed the impression he knew who I was. One of subject's current colleagues speaks fluent German.

10-15-01 A paranoia update. Last night I increased my antipsychotic med dose to 5 mg. -- considered the starting dose by the manufacturer (Lilly). "Ideas of reference" Saturday (10-13-01) at the library-- 1) Two xeroxed notices were posted at the circulation desk. These were for upcoming movies they were planning to show at the library auditorium. (The library shows old movies on a regular basis free). One notice was for "Sunset Boulevard" -- which was xeroxed at the enlargement scale that they usually post such notices. Then, very noticeably, a second notice for another movie was posted nearby in considerABLY LARGER TYPE -- A NOTICE FOR "STALAG 17" STARRING ROBERT STRAUSS (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH ROBERT STRAUSS THE ACTOR). 2) In the magazine exchange box there was the following "AAA WORLD" [magazine] featuring a photo of Benjamin Franklin's statue at The Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. Last week I wrote to you about Steve Miller, who worked at the Franklin Institute (I see a connection). (Antipsychotic meds -- what's up with them?) This mag was on top of a pile. [Appended is cover of "AAA WORLD"]

10-16-01 Meds update. I took 5 mg of antipsychotic meds last night. No change so far in my cognitive functioning. Give you an example of how I still misinterpret facts and arrive at faulty conclusions: Recently I was looking through my high school yearbook and I came across the entry for a student who was in two of my classes in the 11th grade. Perry Rubenstein (a slimy heterosexual). I happened to notice, at the top of the column, an entry for "Howard Rothman" (I have no idea who he is). I noticed that they lived a few blocks from each other. Both also gave a smart-ass response to "Career Choice" (Kenyan gov't official). Both look like dickheads. Paranoid conclusion: They were friends, possibly close friends.

10-16-01 For the chapter: "Not Ant Tracks, You Moron"

MALCOLM LASSMAN: Looks like we got a real anthrax problem here. What do you suggest we do?

DENNIS RACE: I don't know. My advice, we call an exterminator. I'm thinking, -- You get rid of the ants, you'll get rid of their tracks. But that's just a guess. Let's call the experts and get their opinion.

10-17-01 Last night I increased my antipsychotic med dose to 7.5 mg. As of now -- no harm/no foul -- so to speak. Ideas of Reference (The illness that got me fired from my job -- apparently -- they have not changed). Yesterday (10-16-01) I chatted briefly with Barbara -- the librarian. I asked her if anyone had commented negatively on the new computer desks -- they are somewhat uncomfortable. She said "no" -- but that she personally finds that she has to strain her neck to use the computer. She then asked my permission to conduct a very brief experiment before I got on the computer. She wanted to see if a wheelchair bound person would have a problem. -- She had a wheelchair bound patron roll over to a computer to see if it was feasible and tolerable. The wheelchair bound patron said (I believe -- she was smiling) that everything was fine. During my chat with the librarian (Barbara) -- she use the phrase "guinea-pig" -- which I interpreted to refer to persons of Italian heritage (Dr. Palombo? Mario Cuomo? Mayor Giuliani? --Who knows.) Also she talked about having to go through "contortions" to use the new computer desk. I thought that referenced to "Houdini" and that that reference concerned a statement I made on the computer in which I compared myself to Houdini (no one -- objectively -- would have access to my computer files -- but I believe -- in paranoid fashion -- that they do).

[The actions of William Dacosta in calling the police on April 21, 2004 confirmed that, in fact, the librarians can access a public computer's files. I could not and did not know that fact as of October 17, 2001.]

Also-- On Monday I added material to my autobiography -- a quotation from a magazine article by Adam Gopnik about the New York Twin Tower Bombing (Cuomo, Giuliani, and Dr. Palombo are all native New Yorkers, by the way). The article was titled "The City and the Pillars." Yesterday, someone left the following magazine on top of other magazines in the magazine trunk in the library. Note the pillars. (Antipsychotic meds -- what's up with them?) [The referenced magazine is "Washington Entertaining's 2001-2002 Events Yearbook & Calendar: 1000 Activities -- Event & Site Services Guide." The cover features a photo of the huge interior pillars of the National Building Museum lobby, here in Washington.]

10-18-01 Took 7.5 mg antipsychotic meds last night for my ideas of reference and my bizarre behavior. These are two of the main reasons Dennis Race said I was not suitable for employment as of October 1991 -- ten years ago. This morning I had a really good masturbation session. A good time was had by all -- if you know what I mean. An older guy, late fifties, maybe, smiled when he saw me occupied with my life's work.

[In the fall of 2001 I used to masturbate in front of my apartment window in front of the construction workers who were erecting an apartment building (3883 Connecticut Avenue) adjacent to my building. I told my then treating psychologist, Nancy Shaffer, Ph.D., about my activity.]

I thought, "You know, maybe Bobby [i.e., Robert Strauss] would enjoy this. Maybe I should make a video and send it to him." Speaking of Bobby -- we could have been so happy together. But George [i.e., President George H.W. Bush] ruined it for me! George!! He sends Bobby off to Russia, and I'm left here-- Speaking of Bobby, I had an idea of reference this very morning as I stepped outside my door. Somebody dropped (or placed) three pennies outside my door -- I spotted them on the floor, arranged in a row like this -- only further apart. [three pennies are scotch-taped to paper] Today -- (10/18) happens to be Bobby's birthday, and I thought -- well, let's say I assigned the following meaning to the pennies -- the following thoughts or associations flashed in my mind. --Bobby's 83'rd birthday; --coins -- autobiography -- inheritance; death; presidents (here, President Lincoln); Walt Whitman ("When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloomed"); Robert Rubin (Secretary of the Treasury); Theme of the Three Caskets (lead, Silver, Gold) [a reference to "The Merchant of Venice"].

10-19-01 I took 7.5 mg antipsychotic meds last night. -- See the change? I had a good masturbation session this morning. -- The train never pulled into the station, so to speak -- if you know what I mean. With all these meds I'm taking, I ain't gettin' nothin' -- except a little juice at the bottom of the tube. Here's the thing -- even if the meds were to cure me, well-- Let's say, if I had a partner (man, woman, or sheep) -- I wouldn't be able to do anything in a genital sense with these meds, it's like I'm all dressed up with no place to go -- (or come).

10-22-01 Assignment for today: Check into an individual named Howell ("Howie") Brister. Subject was born in about 1947 (son of Melvin & Claire Brister, who, until 1978, resided at 1613 Barringer Street in Philadelphia). Subject was in my brother-in-law's graduating class in college. (B.S., 1969 -- Philadelphia College of Textiles & Science). Subject used to drive a yellow Camaro, subject married in his faith.

10-23-01 I took 7.5 mg antipsychotic meds last night. Does Dr. Ruttenberg know what trouble she could be getting herself into ? ? ?

10-23-01 Assignment for today: Look into a person named-- John Hillerman. I worked with subject during the summers of 1970 and 1971 at The Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. It was a summer job for both of us. Subject was about 3 years older than me, and graduated college in spring 1972. What makes subject significant is who he was related to. Subject's cousin was another Franklin Institute employee named "Pat" (Patricia) Devlin. (Born about 1942). Devlin was romantically involved with, and later married, an individual named Alec Peters (born about 1912). The pair were married in about late 1970 or early 1971. The couple subsequently had several children. Alec Peters founded the department "Science Information Services" at The Franklin Institute, a unit that was a major profit center for the Institute. The unit (SIS) grew to include offices in Tokyo (Japan), Munich (Germany), and Rockville, MD. Peters was an immigrant from Bucharest, Rumania, and had served 10 years in a Soviet Prison (Lubyanka -- headquarters of the former KGB, in central Moscow, USSR). His biography reads like a Victor Hugo novel, I do not know why the Soviets imprisoned him. CIA or FBI may have information on him. Peters was imprisoned, I believe, after WWII (from about 1945 - 1955). Peters was married to his first wife, before WWII. Couple had a son. Peters rejoined wife after release from Soviet prison. Peters was fluent in Russian and German, in addition to, of course, Rumanian & English. First wife was Jewish, and died in about 1969 or 1970. Peters was reportedly Jewish but concealed his origins. (Peters apparently was not his birth name). Peters did not wear yarmulke at his wife's funeral. Peters was named vice-president of the Franklin Institute in the early 1970s. Peters was terminated by the Franklin Institute in about 1982 because of a conflict of interest -- His wife, Devlin, had started her own company that bid on the same contracts as The Franklin Institute -- The SIS Department's income was based largely on U.S. government contracts.

THIS HAS INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT WRITTEN ALL OVER IT!

P.S. The Franklin Institute Research Laboratories was designed by Robert Venturi. I, personally, gravitate to the work of renowned postmodern architects and theorists Robert Venturi and Denise Scott Brown, because it looks so smart and so subtle. As to furniture, I'm not a great fan of George Nakashima, like Bernie and Aida Epstein.

You remember last week, I told you I had paranoid ideas about three pennies someone had left outside my door? Well this morning (10/23), I just read in my high school handbook that my high school French teacher Linda Schubert Miller, who I wrote about to you in the past -- was the sponsor of my high school Stamp and Coin Club. Amazing, huh?

10-24-01 Still taking my anti-psychotic meds. Notice any changes in me? I'm still exhausted from all the writing I did yesterday. I guess you're pooped-out from the breadth and scope of your last assignment. -- By the way, how are you doing with that? Have you contacted the Bureau or the Agency about Alec Peters? I felt a lot of ideas of reference in the library yesterday. --Barbara, in talking to a patron on the telephone, used the phrase "A stranger on the train" -- which I saw as a reference to my dream "Those Who Love Me Can Take The Train." She kept using the words "weird" and "strange" -- I felt that referred to me, but not necessarily in a bad way. Then she took on this strange kind of what I can only describe as a "laughing" tone as she spoke -- it had a regressed, histrionic, or "as-if" quality. --Then Charles Davis used the phrase "50,000 watt amplification system" -- or some such phrase. I thought that referred to my listening to classical music when I was growing up on Barringer Street -- and our neighbors -- the Bristers. Funny (odd, or bizarre) -- after all these years I can still remember issues relating to classical music and the Bristers. --One evening, coming home from work, Mel Brister told me that he & Claire were going to see Bizet's opera Carmen at the Robin Hood Dell. --Claire Brister said she studied classical piano when she was growing up (her father was a pharmacist). --Claire once asked me if I knew anything about the Saint-Saens piano concertos (Who?? What??) --One afternoon I heard Claire playing (repeatedly -- the 3rd movement of the Brahms 2nd piano concerto. --I heard Claire playing the first movement of the Mahler 10th symphony. -- In the mid-seventies, classical radio station WFLN broadcast, on successive weekends, the Furtwaengler performances of Wagner's Ring operas. -- Claire said she was listening to that. --In about 1977 or 1978 -- Claire took my mother to the Robin Hood Dell to hear the Philadelphia Orchestra perform "The Rite of Spring" by Stravinsky. My mother couldn't stand it. --In the spring of 1968 Holly Brister asked me if I liked the Beethoven 5th symphony -- I said "no" -- I prefer the Third. By the way, ask Mel or Claire how their friend Irene is.

This is Barringer Street in Philadelphia where my family resided from April 1966 to 1980. Nice, huh? (It looks like the London suburbs, Mrs. Joyce would say). [Note refers to attached photograph].

10-25-01 Variety is the spice of life, so they say, so-- I figured I'd try some yellow paper for a change. You've been (you and your handlers) have been working very hard lately, so here's a break. --Just some fundamentally useless information that simply gives me a chance to show off my memory. A couple of days ago I mentioned Bernie Epstein. Following is a list of what I recall about Mr. Epstein's musical tastes. --Predilection for the work of J.S. Bach --Adolescent taste for Wagner -- Then moved on to Mahler & Bruckner. Then "outgrew" Wagner (Mahler & Bruckner) --First opera he ever saw was Strauss's "Salome" --when he was in his early teens. -- Music Education major at Temple University.-- Liked the symphonies of Robert Schumann. -- Wife was classically-trained pianist. -- At party Epsteins gave at their cork-lined home (like Proust in his cord-lined room) (actually, only the music room was cork-lined) in April 1970 (during Pesach "Sorry, we're not serving any bread products -- because of Passover") -- wife Aida entertained the guests with Schumann's Trauemerei, among other works (I think she said she was not fond of Chopin -- HA! -- Wagner loved Chopin, and used to ask his father-in-law to play Chopin for him). --Said he still found Mahler's Kindertotenlieder of interest (A psychoanalyst would link up the Trauemerei (from Kinderscenen) with Kindertotenlieder. By the way, Mr. Smarty-pants-- did you know that Mahler quotes the Trauemerei melody in several of his symphonies -- It's one of the main themes in the first movement of Mahler's number 9 (nine) -- in a grotesquely-varied form. The theme also appears in movement 1 of Mahler's Seventh. --Had a taste for the Bartok opera "Bluebeard's Castle." By the way -- I saw Dave Castleberry yesterday in his convertible -- How is it that such a geeky-looking guy drives such a cool car -- (Don't tell him I said that ! ! ! )

10-26-01 I took 7.5 mg anti-psychotic meds last night (Zyprexa). Do you notice any change -- Talk to Dr. Sack about this -- Maybe he would have some ideas. I was feeling a lot of self-referential thinking in the library yesterday (10/25). Barbara or Hillary were using the word "trap" -- as in "It's a trap" or "entrapment." Peter & the head librarian were talking -- I thought that referred to me -- not so much the context of what they were saying -- but the idea of, possibly, male friendship or mentoring. I felt they got some news that I was a very intelligent fellow. This crap -- this acting-out in the library just doesn't stop. -- 10 YEARS of this fucking crap. (But I love it!)

10-29-01 Only 20 something days till turkey day. Today, Monday, like most Mondays, is a slow news day. Nothing happens on Sunday. I've forgotten what happened on Saturday-- No fear, I still have something to write. This is some additional information about two other Rumanians who worked at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. FELICIA ROGERS: Born about 1920; from Bucharest, Rumania; fled Nazis; grandfather gunned down by Nazis on street in Bucharest for target practice; husband (Claude Rogers) was a medical doctor; staunch supporter of Richard Nixon -- saw him as person who stood up to the communists; she was a Wagner opera fan; spoke fluent French, German, Rumanian, -- and, of course, the Queen's English; attended my mother's funeral in 1980. LYDIA ERDELYI: Born in German-speaking sector of Rumania; spoke fluent Russian, German; husband was mathematics professor at Temple University; on one occasion, asked Hilliard Cohen [Central High School, 224th class, 1965] to purchase for her a Russian-language edition of, I think it was, Solzhenitsyn's "Gulag Archipelago"; husband was from Hungarian-speaking sector of Rumania. If you don't know -- Rumania is linguistically diverse -- with some parts made up of German speakers, Hungarians, and, of course, Rumanians.

[Notes appended to photograph from magazine:] Lockhart, Texas, ca. 1918. Picture of Charles Strauss's dry-goods store. It's where Bob Strauss's father made his first million.

I whacked off here on this table this morning. I'm LOVING my anti-psychotic meds!

10-30-01 Just some odds & ends today. LYDIA ERDELYI -- It was Lydia Erdelyi who translated my letter from Gertrud Strobel, dated May 1972, in response to my inquiry to the Wagner Archives in Bayreuth, Germany, about the foundation stone of the Wagner festival theater. -- Judge Joyce Hens Green (Judge on U.S. District Court, DC, who decided McNeil v. Akin, Gump, Strauss, Hauer & Feld): her father was a psychiatrist. --My ideas of reference have not diminished. Yesterday Hillary Fennel at the Cleveland Park Library used the term "boot" of "reboot" the computer. I interpreted "boot" as relating to me. And the content referred to someone of Italian heritage (who said something very complimentary about me). -- "Gee, I wonder what happened in that laboratory?" Italy is shaped like a boot. --Incidentally, Hilliard Cohen went to elementary school with my sister -- they were in the same class in 6th grade -- Olga Kaempfer's 6th grade class.

10-31-01 Did you ever hear the one about the traveling salesman? By the way -- Tonight's party -- will it be wet or dry -- If there's alcohol, I'll be there! Check one: WET / / DRY / /

11-01-01 Still loving my anti-psychotic meds. Here's an interesting thing I recall from high school. But first, what it was that brought this memory back to me. It's a sentence from the final portions of my autobiography: "It was natural that a youth of exceptionally active mind should raise some questions about the doctrines transmitted in the synagogue school." I can remember being on the "L" bus going home from school and Fred Cohen (229) was talking to a friend. I was eavesdropping -- as Chuck [Reischel] would say. Subject was saying that he thought it was questionable that a rabbi should be paid for his work on the Sabbath. He saw an inherent conflict between a rabbi accepting money from his congregation (as consideration for his services)-- and at the same time keeping the Sabbath. Eric-- Fred is now an OB-GYN. [Even as a teenager I was interested in the moral qualities of my peers; here, I was intrigued by a fellow student's (Fred Cohen's) concerns about an issue of rabbinical ethics. As an adult I seemed sensitive to the moral qualities in the law clerk Glenn Fine at the law firm of Hogan & Hartson. Do you see why the Pope would be interested in me?]

11-02-01 Missed you at the 3801 party Wednesday night -- By the way, what do you look like? Assignment: You may want to look into a person named Arthur Koren (Central High School, 231st class, 1972). Koren lived in my neighborhood when I was growing up; was 1 year younger than me; was friendly with Mark Needleman, (Central, 229). Koren's sister was a beauty contest winner (Bonnie Koren). She attended my sister's high school. I think she was my sister's age. Coincidentally, Koren was in the same graduating class as Emanuel Garcia, M.D. (Dr. Eissler's literary executor) and Murray Cohen (Fred Cohen's younger brother). --Get on it ! ! !

11-5-01 Did you telephone Elizabeth Joyce to wish her a happy Guy Fawlkes Day? It's a slow Monday -- as usual. Brief assignment-- In high school-- my sophomore and junior years: There were two students in French class whose respective names I recall. I can recall their two names-- One was Fred Cohen (229) and the other was David Seltzer. I have no idea why I remember Seltzer. Maybe because it's the number one beverage in America today -- "Pardon me, may I have a seltzuh?" -- Not salsa, seltzuh.

11-6-01 Here's someone else to look into: Audrey Britt-- Subject was an African-American female who worked in the Computer Applications Department at the law firm of Hogan & Hartson -- From 1986 - 1987. She had a law degree and did some legal representation on her own (i.e., not in connection with Hogan). She shared an office with Crag W. Dye (when he was still young and good-looking). She would have known about Daniel Cutler distributing marijuana to fellow employees in about March 1987.

11-6-01 These were gifts to me from Felicia Rogers (book & postcards).

11-06-07 More on Audrey Britt. -- John Douglas, eat your heart out! If you were to ask Audrey Britt her impression of me, she would emphasize my shyness. How do I know that? Because I can recall two specific instances that related to money & wealth, which Audrey talked about (i.e., something desirable, or something envied or coveted.) -- And in my working out of the problem unconscious envy is negated by conscious attributions of shyness. --In about early January 1987, Audrey said to me, "Could you lend me some money, a thousand dollars, maybe?" (She was joking--it was a reference to the fact that Christmas week [1986] I had worked about 83 hours and had earned about $1,000. --In summer 1987, as we walked out of Hogan's office at 555 Thirteenth St., she pointed to a Marriott Hotel across the street and said: "That Marriott is owned by a very wealthy family, yes, a very wealthy family owns that Marriott Company." Coincidentally, in fall 1986, Daniel Cutler -- in a joking reference -- asked me if I had picked up my rent checks from all my rental properties. Yes, I'll be blunt -- I think Audrey Britt and Daniel Cutler were both envious anti-Semites. Have you noticed? My apartment is taking on that "fag" decorator look?

11-07-01 Two weeks until T-Day. I'm thinking of inviting Carlos, Jorge & Umberto. I have the feeling things are happening with the investigation. The library personnel seem to be powerfully overstimulated, and are discharging the overstimulation by emphasizing situation-appropriate words & phrase and behaviors. Here are some words and phrases-- "Don't be shy" -- Free (=Louis Freeh?) -- Tuna (=like a dolphin caught in a tuna net) -- Mark (Mark Needleman -- yesterday "Mark" a friend of Velvel came to visit) -- [Hillary said to a student patron:] "Are you a junior high student? -- You want information on floods? That's too broad -- Floods can be caused by any number of things -- a dam breaking, for example. You need to narrow that down. Now, if the subject were hurricanes, that would be a specific thing."

11-8-01 In late July 1998, I started to see a psychologist named Lisa Osborn. I think my first session with her was Friday July 31, 1998. Be that as it may. The day before I had my first consult with Lisa Osborn, somebody had left the attached magazine on a table in the laundry room, here, at 3801. It was uncanny when I met Lisa Osborn because she resembles Helen Hunt. I told Dr. Osborn about this. [Appended is cover of February 1998 issue of "Biography" Magazine featuring a photo of the actress Helen Hunt.]

10-9-01 Brief Assignment-- My English teacher in the tenth grade (10th grade: 1968-1969 school year) was an individual named Thomas Horan. Subject was working on his Ph.D. thesis on none other than James Joyce -- Specifically, "Ulysses." Find out more!

11-12-01 This will show how I will pick up some trivial detail from my environment concerning someone I don't even know -- and retain that detail in my mind, indefinitely. This concerns David Rosenbaum (229th class, Central High School, 1970). Subject was in the first violin section of the orchestra. I once eavesdropped on a conversation he was having with another student (he played the clarinet -- and was blind in one eye). Subject sounded like he was in some adolescent funk, and was saying -- "I wish I could do something creative." [David Rosenbaum, Ph.D., is now a professor of psychology at The Pennsylvania State University at College Park, my alma mater.]

11-13-01 Here's another assignment. Jack Byk and his wife: Subject was employed as a computer specialist at the Franklin Institute while I worked there. Subject & wife were both from Vienna (Austria not Virginia); they were Jews who emigrated (the polite way to put it) -- the Anschluss and all that. Subject & wife were at the company dinner at Franklin Hall in December 1977. I was drunk as a skunk at the dinner & Mrs. Byk talked me down -- figuratively and literally (I had tried to climb atop the statue of Benjamin Franklin. On one occasion, Jack Byk said to me -- Do you have any friends? I lied & said "Yes." He said: "I'm surprised to hear that." I said: "Why's that?" He said: "Your interests. I have a son your age, and you are totally different from him -- He has no interest in classical music -- I don't see you having anything in common with young people your age." When I left the company he gave me a piece of advice: "Stay away from alcohol." Sharon Miriam White Glick [now married to Kenneth Glick, Esq.] had a nonsexual crush on Jack Byk. If you talk to Jack Byk, tell him I didn't take his advice -- exactly. I haven't stayed away from liquor-- I just steer clear of statues of Benjamin Franklin. Works like a charm.

11-14-01 Nunc Pro Tunc. (I still have to make up one day -- I know that.) Here's an assignment: Richard Krangel. Subject lived on same street as Perry Rubenstein (slimy heterosexual). Krangel was in my graduating class in high school (230, 1971). Subject and I attended the same elementary school (Rowan Elementary). I believe we weren't in any classes together in high school -- as far as I recall. We had no contact whatsoever in high school. I think in 3rd grade (Mrs. Myers) subject was in the advanced reading group that read from the "advanced" book, "Fun and Frolic." Krangel resided at 127 W. Walnut Drive. Perry Rubenstein (a slimy heterosexual) resided at 114 W. Walnut Drive. Krangel appears to have been a nonjoiner -- He doesn't list any extra-curricular activities.

11-15-01 Nothing to report today. See ya! Have to go take my antipsychotic meds--

11-16-01 Back on schedule. Here's info on two other Central High School alums. Murray Marion (230, 1971). We were in same graduating class. I had no contact at all with Marion. The only reason I mention him, the only significance he has, is that we had the same private piano teacher, Elisabeth Griffith. I happened to see him perform at my piano teacher's recital. He was an advanced student -- a very fine pianist. Toby Apel (229, 1970). Apel was a year ahead of me. He played the viola in the school orchestra (same instrument as Sidney Rothstein, the conductor). Apel was an outstanding musician -- I believe he was a professional musician. We were in the same French class in school year 1967-1968 (Miss Proctor). I remember schmoozing with Apel.

11-19-01 Still loving my anti-psychotic meds. They are costing the District about $100.00/month. But, hey, it's just money. When I was growing up on 17th Street in Philadelphia, there were neighbors who resided down the street, a family named Hershberg (spelling?). There was an older brother Bruce (my sister's age) and a younger brother, Robert Hershberg, who was my age. I believe Akin Gump contacted these people in 1991. Anti-psychotic meds have not changed my opinion. The Hershberg family moved from our neighborhood to Vineland, New Jersey, in about 1962 or 1963.

11-19-01 Just in case you're wondering why they fired me. -- I ask you: Was this so wrong? [Appended is a photograph from a magazine that depicts a young man sitting on top of a xerox machine in an office setting, with his naked posterior being copied by the xerox copier.]

11-20-01 Here's somebody to look into-- This person has a story to tell, I'm sure. Nancy Shaffer (not my psychologist). Subject was the litigation support administrator at Akin Gump until about June 1988, when she was suddenly terminated (I heard it was because of insubordination). Subject preceded Christine ("Chris") Robertson as litigation support administrator. I worked for subject on one occasion in early May 1988 -- on a task for client "NFL" -- subject would remember me as the guy with the one-word vocabulary, to wit -- "OK." What's Shaffer's story?

11-21-01 Friend,-- I don't mind you coming in here and looking around. Just don't have sex on the rug. Here's some information on three former Akin Gump attorneys -- each with a story to tell. Mark Schwartz -- Subject was a recent law school graduate in 1988, when I first started at Akin Gump. He had degrees from Harvard and Penn. He was assigned to Eastern Airlines labor litigation. Subject was somewhat immature -- used to hang out with the legal assistants. Made "funny faces" behind David Callet at Lilliam Machado's going-away party in summer 1988. Lilliam Machado -- Legal assistant assigned to Eastern Airlines. At one time shared an office with J.D. Neary, before I started at firm. Subject was my supervisor when I started at firm in 1988. Subject headed Eastern Airlines litigation support. Subject left in summer 1988 to attend law school. Extremely intelligent. Subject was hired as an associate in 1991, upon graduating from law school. Clerked at firm in summer 1990, when I was seeing Dr. Palombo. Apparently left firm -- I see a listing for subject in telephone directory at 625-4349 (1101 30th Street). Stephen Schwartz -- subject was a young associate at firm in 1988, assigned to Eastern Airlines litigation. I vaguely recall that subject left firm in late 1988 or early 1989 to write a novel. What I recall is that he had a contract with a publisher for novel. What dirt did you dig up on Nancy Shaffer? You know, I still remember the tiny bust of Napoleon in her office.

11-22-01 and 11-23-01 (Double Issue) Here's someone to look into: Gary I. Rubin (Ph.D., J.D.). Rubin was an associate at Akin Gump. He had been an English professor at, I believe, Hofstra University. He had a doctorate (I assume, in English). So, law was a mid-life career change for him. He held a "writing seminar" for paralegals in February 1989, which I attended. Apparently subject left Akin Gump. There's a telephone directory listing for him at 898 5800 (1359 I Street). His son should be having his bar mitzvah around now -- or early 2002.

11-26-01 Here's another person with a story -- Steven Wrappe: Subject was a young associate at Akin Gump. He was a tax attorney. His office adjoined David Hardee's. Subject and Hardee shared a secretary, Lisa Hassel. Hassel's own husband, Christopher Hassel, was an attorney (but not at Akin Gump). In 1993 I happened to see Wrappe at the concourse outside the Giant Supermarket up the street. We chatted. It was Wrappe who told me that Akin Gump's securities practice was shot to hell (i.e., as of 1993).

11-27-01 Here's a name from the past -- Amy Smith. Subject was a paralegal at Akin Gump. She started her employment at the time I started my temporary assignment -- early March 1988; Why I recall her is that the Monday after Thanksgiving (1988) she asked me, on an elevator, how my Thanksgiving was, and I said, "Good. Surprisingly good." I was picking up baseball double-entendres at the library yesterday (11/26). Head librarian said to someone: "You're up next." Also the intonation on the name "Rohit" (RoHIT) -- I read this as relating to Dennis Race's disbarment.

11-28-01 I'm still loving my anti-psychotic meds. I had ideas of reference in the library yesterday. -- In the magazine exchange there was a magazine with a dinosaur on the cover. Then, the branch librarian was talking about "thesauri" -- I saw this as a reference to the record on appeal in my case -- Huge & Ancient. Also, note the fact that the word "thesauri" is a play on words -- Thesauri = The Sore Eye (What you get from reading the record on appeal).

11-29-01 Here's a person with a significant story to tell: Robert ("Bob") Dillon. Subject was a paralegal at Akin Gump who worked on toxic tort litigation and had contact with David Callet, Esq. During the period April 1991 to about July 1991 subject worked in a cubicle that adjoined my cubicle in the terrace level office that housed the litigation support group. It was in this environment that, reportedly, employees told management that they were afraid of me -- that they were afraid to work near me. Well, subject worked right next to me. Was he afraid? [Dillon was originally from Philadelphia, where he attended Catholic schools, and as of 1991 was an evening law student at Catholic University.]

11-30-01 A quiet day. By the way, the black ball to the right is either part of the plumbing or it's one of Vernon Jordan's testicles -- I can't tell which. What happened to Julie Herr? Doesn't she practice law anymore? [Julie Kitzes Herr, Esq. was an attorney at Akin Gump during my tenure.]

11-20-01 FYI. Adine Kernberg -- is a lawyer (born 1969) who practices in Boston, Massachusetts. She has degrees from Stanford & Columbia. Her father is Otto F. Kernberg, MD, president of the Int'l Psychoanalytic Assn., and an internationally prominent psychiatrist. Adine's mother is Paulina Kernberg, who, incidentally, was chosen by the Justice Department as the government's psychiatric consultant in the Elian Gonzalez case. [Adine Kernberg coauthored a book with Jane Ginsburg, a law professor at Columbia Law School, and the daughter of U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.]

12-03-01 Here's another person to look into: Robert Berger. Subject was a paralegal at Akin Gump. Subject's interactions with me were uniformly normal. I didn't feel that I scarred him -- I had the feeling that I scarred the s--- out of the other paralegals. After I was fired -- it was in about late fall 1991 -- I was walking down Connecticut Avenue and Berger, who was with a group of friends, called out to me -- "Hey, Gar!" I was impressed by his behavior.

12-04-01 Slow news day. I thought Barbara (the librarian) was abreacting some overstimulation in the library, yesterday (12-3). She kept talking about some Russian-language publication. --I think she's too vulnerable to handle confidential information. They're closing in on Bobby!

12-5-01 I cut you some slack yesterday. But it's back to work today. Here's somebody to look into: Martin ("Marty") Isenberg: We were in the same graduating class in high school (230, 1971). We sat next to each other in ninth grade algebra class (Mr. Grant, teacher). I used to steal his homework, until he put his foot down. --I started early in my career of plagiarism. -- The high school yearbook lists "social worker" as his career goal. -- ANABRU -- If you don't get it, you don't get it.

12-6-01 Here's something to look into: Charles Davis. Subject is the supervisor of the OPS Division at the Cleveland Park Library. He was "absent without leave" (AWOL) last week and is in deep trouble. The head librarian (name?) personally traveled down to the home office to submit the necessary paperwork on subject. Subject knows everything about me. He used to work at Howard University.

[Note that in the above instance the Branch Librarian, Brian Brown, showed no concern whatsoever for the reasonable expectation of privacy of his employee, Charles Davis. A library patron, such as myself, should not know about the personal employment difficulties of a library employee. Yet, I do know. Why? Because the Branch Librarian couldn't keep his mouth shut in a public space. That's something else Brian and I have in common -- no respect for the legitimate privacy interests of other people.]

12-7-01 Check out my "new" floor lamp. I got it from the trash closet. All it needs is a new shade.-- I could start my own secondhand shop from the stuff people throw away here. See ya Monday. P.S. Still loving my anti-psychotic meds. I forgot to mention.-- I was watching a video of Puccini's opera "Tosca," conducted by Daniel Oren. So the conductor is up there on the podium, with his yarmulke on his head, and I'm thinking -- "How is it he's able to get all those goyim to sing in tune, but Malcolm and Earl couldn't." (By the way President Mitterand of France was in the audience).

12-10-01 I hit the jackpot this weekend. -- A whole computer. --That somebody threw out. I wonder if it works or if it can be repaired at a reasonable cost? I'm still waiting for somebody to throw away a wining Maryland lottery ticket. When that happens (and it will!) I'll be outta here-- See ya.

12-11-01 This is really a message for Jerry Seinfeld. I caught you on the "Today Show" (without the puffy short). You conducted yourself like a good Jewish boy. I was proud (or at least half of me) was proud of you. How's Malcolm?

12-12-01 Nothing to report. I still believe I'm under surveillance. (God bless those anti-psychotic meds). They (The Powers That Be) seem to have advised the spies in my environs to be more subtle and circumspect. You already have the names of everyone I've ever known. It's a small list. I miss Carlos and Hector. I think of them all the time ! ! !

12-13-01 Again, nothing to report. Except to note that things have been quiet in the library. Charles Davis is back. I think my psychologist has pretty much given up on me. It's a chore seeing her. I miss Hector.

12-14-01 I am missing you badly, Hector

12-17-01 Saturday (12/15), in the library, Velvel was talking on the phone, spelling a name to a caller, and said: "'K' as in 'Kissinger'" -- What meaning do you read into that? -- Just six more shopping days till Mathilde Wesendonk's birthday -- shop early. (Loving my anti-psychotic meds!!)

12-18-01 Yesterday (12/17) I had an idea of reference in the library -- (big surprise). Velvel was talking to a patron about a book called "The Secret Life of Plants" --We know what that means, don't we?

12-19-01 Here's an assignment: When I worked at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia I worked with a woman named Marianne Scott Das. She was multi-lingual and was able to read about nine different languages. She had a son named Milan Das who attended my high school (Central High School) several years after I graduated. He would have graduated in June 1977 (236th class). Milan Das was a contestant on the TV show "Jeopardy" several years ago. Marianne Das used to live in Pittsburgh -- 1122 Davis Avenue. I don't know if she knew Earl Segal! (Joke.) It was Marianne Das who, knowing I wanted to go to law school, gave me a copy of Justice William O. Douglas's autobiography, "Go East, Young Man." I think she saw something in me. (In terms of intellectual potential).

12-21-01 I've been summoned for jury duty, and am scheduled to appear on 1-17-02. I'm going to have some fun with this.

12-24-01 I'm taking 9 days off to celebrate Festivus. December 24 to January 1, 2002.

1-2-02 How was your Festivus? My Festivus was a real joy -- one of the best ever. It reminded me of my Festivus's from childhood, when the whole family would gather round the Festivus pole and sing Festivus carols. But back to business. I was excused from jury duty. Actually I was hoping I'd have to appear. --Then I was going to tell my story in person in open court -- "I am currently under surveillance by President Clinton." -- Believe me, I would have said that. Real attention grabber, I'm sure.

1-3-02 My psychiatrist said I can taper off my anti-psychotic meds. Be prepared for a wild and crazy guy who will emerge when the meds wear off!


1-4-02 Elizabeth Joyce [the front desk manager] has been rather jolly. Maybe she got lucky during her Christmas vacation? Get the scoop on her.

1-7-02 On Wednesday January 2 I told my psychologist, Dr. Shaffer, that I took a graduate course (seminar) in international relations at Temple University in spring semester 1978. The instructor's name was Lloyd Jensen, Ph.D., professor in the department of political science at Temple. One of Dr. Jensen's papers was titled -- "Foreign Policy Calculation." Maybe Henry Kissinger has heard of Dr. Jensen. -- Find out what old Lloyd is doing, please.

Message for Bob Morgenthau -- he (the "third person 'I'") would like you to give my regards to Judge Belknap.

[Robert Morgenthau is the District Attorney for New York County. Judge Belknap tried Colin Ferguson, who carried out a mass homicidal assault on the Long Island Railroad. Ferguson, who was psychotic, defended himself at trial, and consistently referred to himself in the third person. Judge Belknap had been the law partner of New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, when they were in private practice.]

1-8-02 Here's an assignment.-- For years now, I felt that a woman in the neighborhood recognized me. My first interaction with her was in the spring of 1989 -- I was walking to work (to the subway, that is). I was whistling the Marseillaise (the French national anthem, you know -- "Allons enfants de la patrie, le jour de gloire est arrive.") Anyway, she says to me -- "Bastille Day is a long way off." And I said, "Yes, but it's the big one" -- July 14, 1989 was the French bicentennial celebration. A breakthrough occurred in about 1993, when I went to the office of The American Psychological Association to deliver a complaint I was filing against my former psychologist (William Brown, Ph.D.) -- I saw the mystery woman in the lobby, and I assume that she works for the APA. (She may even be a psychologist.) Then on Saturday January 5, 2002, I saw her at the Cleveland Park Library, chatting with the weekend librarian "Beth" (name?). They seemed to be acquainted. But here's the identifier -- mystery woman was checking out a book called "The World of Jeeves" -- who is mystery woman ! ! ! By the way, I think she's Jewish.

[Note the reference to the French revolution (Bastille Day)].]

1-9-02 Yesterday (1-8-02) at the library, the librarians seemed to have an attitude of awed admiration. The head librarian (a nice young man, whose name escapes me), seemed to be eyeing me. I look on this as training for the time to come when I will have hordes of admiring fans. I'm so fascinating!

1-10-02 I had an experience in the library yesterday (1-9-02) that was -- shall we say -- "a tad askew." On Monday I had left a message on my computer disk (using the library's computer) that was addressed to New York City District Attorney Robert Morgenthau. Then Wednesday (1-9-02) somebody left a copy of a letter in the library's magazine exchange -- a letter written by none other than Robert Morgenthau.

[Attached is letter dated September 20, 1996 with my handwritten message:] Letter placed in library magazine exchange [at Cleveland Park Library], Jan. 9, 2002.

[Letterhead states "District Attorney of the County of New York. Robert M. Morgenthau, District Attorney."

I have highlighted the letterhead in yellow. Note that I mentioned Robert Morgenthau in my message dated 1-7-02. Associations: Linda Fairstein, Esq., a nationally prominent best-selling novelist, used to head the Sex Crimes Unit at Morgenthau's office. Fairstein is a friend of Vernon Jordan and reportedly jockeyed for nomination to the post of U.S. Attorney General in 1993, in the Clinton Administration (Jordan headed President-elect Clinton's transition team). John F. Kennedy, Jr., Esq. (who died in 1999) was a friend of Vernon Jordan's and worked as an ADA in Morgenthau's office. New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani was Judge Belknap's former law partner. Judge Belknap tried Colin Ferguson, who spoke in the third person. My autobiography is written in the third person.]

A brief note: Yesterday, at the library, I heard the head librarian use the phrase "in the listening room" -- I associated that phrase to my session with Dr. Shaffer the previous day, and I thought -- maybe the clinic tape records my sessions with Dr. Shaffer, and people listen to the tapes -- is that paranoid ? ? ?

1-14-02 Saturday, in the library, Velvel was talking about his wife's first marriage. He said it was a disaster -- that her first husband turned out to be a homosexual. -- Who wants to hear that crap? They have no idea of what professionalism is. Those librarians need to get a clue. Maybe things will be different after the revolution!

[Note that the message on 1-8-02 referred to Bastille Day (and by implication, the French Revolution).]

1-15-02 Here's somebody to look into: Dan Korman Esq. Korman was a lawyer at Hogan & Hartson, 15 years ago, when I was there. He worked on the Milwaukee School Desegregation case. Super-bright. He had degrees from Princeton, Columbia, and another one of those big-time schools. -- Inside info -- Korman had malaria.

[I happened to see a printout of the firm's blood donor list, which indicated that Korman had had malaria, a vector-borne disease that is transmitted by mosquito.]

1-16-02 Flash from the past: Here's a list of the names of students who I remember from my freshman year of college at Penn State (fall 1971) -- These were students in Irma Jean Smith's French class. Don't ask how I remember them. I wasn't friendly with them -- They were below acquaintance level.

Barry Groder -- He majored in table tennis. We were in the same swimming class in the fall 1972. We were both Mark Spitz wannabes. I got to imagine Groder naked any time I wanted.

A young woman whose last name, I think, was something like Avchen (I don't remember her first name). She wanted to major in French to become a translator or interpreter.

Then there were the Levin's. Marcia G. Levin and Barry N. Levin. They got married in college. They once held hands under the table in French class -- and Miss Smith (the instructor) had a fit. I think Barry Levin thought I was a weirdo. Marcia Levin got a job as a checkout clerk in State College -- in a supermarket. -- She majored in bar codes.

1-17-02 My psychologist, Dr. Shaffer, says she could see a difference in me while I was on my antipsychotic meds. Now, really! Did you see a difference? Maybe you could talk to Doc Shaffer, and tell her that she's full of it.

1-18-01 Here's someone to look into -- Joseph V. Kaplan, Esq. Subject is an attorney with Passman and Kaplan -- 1090 Vermont Ave NW (789 - 0100) here in Washington. Kaplan & I were in the same graduating class at Penn State (May 1975). We had one course together that I remember -- Stanley Cutler's Speech Communications course in the fall of 1972.

Kaplan was active in student politics at Penn State and served as president of the student government at Penn State's branch campus at Abington, PA. I remember vaguely that Kaplan used to carry with him at all times a copy of the Constitution of the U.S., which he would whip out on occasion. Kaplan's law partner Edward Passman is a graduate of Harvard Law school, one of the finer schools in the Boston area.

[I vaguely recall that Kaplan's argumentative speech in Stanley Cutler's public speaking course advocated the adoption by the federal government of a unicameral legislature.]

1-21-02 / 1-22-02 Double Issue. Could you transmit a message to George Bush. Ask the President to call Claire Hirshfield. Dr. Hirshfield could solve the whole India/Pakistan dispute in 10 minutes -- 15 minutes at the most. Dr. "H" is the world's leading authority on partition, and understands those Pakkies like nobody else. Once she's solved the India/Pakistan dispute, she can move on to the Middle-East. It's all the same case. [Includes my drawing, with the phrase "line of control" pointing to a line separating India (Israel) and Pakistan (Palestine).]

[Dr. Hirshfield is History Professor Emeritus at Penn State's Abington campus. She was the finest teacher I have ever had in any field.]

1-23-02 When I was in the ninth grade in high school, I had a home room teacher named Barbara Sandler. Her husband was a medical student. I can recall that in school year (1968-1969), my geometry teacher [Santo Diano] was out one day. Who did they bring in as a substitute? None other than Barbara Sandler's husband. I can recall that someone in class had some fruit flies (drosophila melanogaster) in a bottle, and Sandler sternly warned that you shouldn't play with fruit flies because they can carry diseases (they are what we in the medical profession call -- vectors).

["Vector" is a play on words. In medicine a vector is an organism or animal that carries disease ( a mosquito, for example, is a vector in malaria). A vector is also a term in mathematics.]

1-23-02 You know what really galls me? -- When a Britisher complains that other people don't do their job! Why, if it weren't for us bloody yanks, those Britishers would be speaking German today and curtsying to the Kaiser. My advice? Next time the Britishers get spooked by the Huns, let them do their own job! ! !

[Handwritten note, with a pointing arrow:] Did you read this one?

1-24-02 Here's the story behind the story re: one of the tenants. [Note is appended to CV of Brock Hansen, a licensed social worker whose professional office is located at 3801 Connecticut Avenue. Document is printed out from the internet.]

1-25-02 You might want to check into Michael Shapiro, M.D. (230th class - Central High School). Subject & I were in the same English class in the ninth grade (Ming the Merciless was the teacher). Subject got A's all the way through the school year, an unusual accomplishment in Ming's class. Subject is now a medical doctor who practices in Colorado. Why do I have the feeling that Feldman already told you about Shapiro?

1-28-02 This is something to bring to David Castleberry's attention: On Saturday (1-26-02), someone did a move-out and didn't finally finish until 11:00 PM. The rule is no move-ins or move-outs after 5:00 PM. Can I have permission to throw eggs on people who don't follow the rules? Also, since Mr. Castleberry advised tenants not to place things on the floors in the trash rooms, I've been taking my beer bottles (I have to drink beer for health reasons) down to the basement. But I notice other people still leave their junk on the floors. -- Bastards!

1-29-02 Somebody left the attached magazine in the magazine exchange in the library yesterday (1-28-02). I had the idea it refers to my successful book that I'm working on. Or is it just wishful thinking on my part? By the way, how is Marciarose doing? Is she looking forward to the Easter Parade?

[Attached is cover of October 1990 issue of the magazine "Home Office Computing" with the cover story "FIRED INTO SUCCESS! When the End of a Job Means the Beginning of a Business." Depicts man in business suit carrying a briefcase being fired out of a cannon, with a rainbow above the man's head.

[Marciarose is a longtime TV personality in Philadelphia. She used to cover the Easter Parade in Philadelphia. She is married to Jerome Schestak, Esq., a nationally-prominent attorney and past president of the American Bar Association. Schestak's law partner is bankruptcy attorney Michael Temin, Esq., brother of the late Howard Temin, who won a Nobel prize in medicine and about whom I write in my autobiography. Both Temin brothers are Central High School graduates (first honor men). Schestak's son (Jonathan?) is in the movie business. Former Akin Gump attorney (and Clinton Administration cabinet secretary) Dan Glickman is currently president of the Motion Picture Association of America.]

1-30-02 Message for Dr. Kay Tatum: I declare that there is always something weird about a girl who majors in French. She has entered into her course of study, first of all knowing full well that it can only lead to her becoming a French teacher, a very grim affair. The least of whose evils is poor pay, and the prospect of which should have been sufficient to send her straight into business or public relations. She has been betrayed into the study of French, heedless of the terrible consequences, by her enchantment with this language, which has ruined more young American women than any other foreign tongue.

[Kay Tatum, Esq. is an Akin Gump partner; she holds a Ph.D. in French. The quoted material is from Michael Chabon's novel, "The Mysteries of Pittsburgh."]

1-31-02 There's a noticeable quietness in the Cleveland Park Library. A kind of circumspection. -- Or is it that my antipsychotic meds have kicked in. I'm still taking 5 mg/day. Here's a name from the distant past -- June Persing. She used to be Alec Peters' secretary. (I saw Dave Castleberry in his office this morning -- He looked chipper).

[Alec Peters headed the Science Information Services Department at The Franklin Institute, in Philadelphia, where I worked from 1970 to 1979.]

2-1-02 This will give you an idea of how my thinking has NOT changed while I'm on antipsychotic meds (5 mg/day). Yesterday at the library, Barbara, the librarian, came to me when I first got onto the computer and handed me a piece of scrap paper with a computer web site written on it: www.grammaphone.co.uk. She said the site features reviews of music recordings. My paranoid interpretation was that she wanted me to get caught up on the web site so that I wouldn't have time to work on my book. -- Again, we see her passive aggression.

[Attached is scrap of paper: page from calendar, with "www.grammaphone.co.uk" written on it. An alternative, though not inconsistent, interpretation of Barbara's behavior is that it was related to the message on 1-30-02 about Kay Tatum. Barbara Gauntt (the librarian) has a bachelor's degree in French.]

2-4-02 Here's somebody to look into, if you want to do a little legwork. RENEE QUARLES. She was Bernard ("Bernie") Epstein's secretary at The Franklin Institute, in the 1970's. Today is Dr. Palombo's birthday. -- He's moving into his prime.

[The word "prime" might be a play on words. I always thought that Bernie Epstein had a physical resemblance to Federal Reserve Chairman, Alan Greenspan. Coincidentally, both Greenspan and Epstein play the saxophone.]

2-5-02 Here's somebody to look into: Michael Durst, Esq. Subject was a young lawyer at Sagot & Jennings. He left the firm in the summer of 1981 to attend New York University's Master's Program in taxation. Ask him if he remembers Anna Kemp. (If you don't get it, you don't get it.) I think Durst knew I was a pre-morbid psychotic.

[Anna Kemp was a party in firm litigation.]

2-6-02 Somebody has written a book about the tenants in apt. 146.

[Refers to a recently-published book about Daniel Ellsberg.]

2-6-02 Yesterday I told you about Michael Durst, the tax attorney. Well, wouldn't you guess-- as if on cue, someone left a copy of the "American Express Tax Guide" in the magazine exchange in the library. (I'm still loving my antipsychotic meds -- they are incredible).

[Attached is first page of the "American Express Tax Guide 1999."]

2-7-02 Here's somebody to look into: Randall J Sommovilla, Esq. Subject was an attorney at the law firm of Sagot & Jennings. He worked part-time off-site. His sole task was writing briefs for appeals. Maybe that's something I could look into for work. Maybe I should call my old friend Bobby S. about that.

[One of the previous messages refers to "Bob Strauss on the Boxers vs. Briefs Controversy." This message may carry a sexual allusion.]

2-8-02 Last night I received a telephone call: The caller asked for "Elizabeth Freedman" -- you think the call was an innocent mistake? Possible interpretation: Elizabeth Freedman -- Elizabeth Nietzsche -- Friedrich Nietzsche -- Daniel Ellsberg -- My letter to you dated 2-6-02 about biography of Dan Ellsberg in apt. 146. On another matter: I noticed there's something in common with all those model buildings that Dave Castleberry puts together -- What does it mean that The U.S. Capitol, The Duomo in Florence, and The Taj Mahal all have a dome?

2-11-02 I saw Eleanor Holmes Norton at the Martin Luther King Library on Saturday afternoon (2/9/02). She was participating in a federal income tax program for District residents. I wonder if she saw me -- I was the good-looking white dude. By the way, Prof. Norton looks good in hot pink.

2-12-02 I'm taking so much medication, I feel like a walking drug store.

Ambien (for sleep)
Zoloft (for depression)
Zyprexa (for paranoia)
Anafranil (for obsessiveness)
Wellbutrin (for depression)

Do you see any changes in me? I wonder what Jay Amsterdam. M.D. would say about this drug cocktail. I've been edgy & tense since last week, when I started this.

[Jay D. Amsterdam, M.D. is a psychopharmacologist, associated with The University of Pennsylvania Medical School in Philadelphia. I participated in a drug study conducted by Dr. Amsterdam, in 1978.]

2-13-02 I got another telephone call last night for 'Elizabeth Freedman." -- I think it's legitimate. Maybe I was being paranoid! By the way, I think I'm falling for Ignacio. I'm wanting his hot Latino body. He's one senor you can't ignore.

2-14-02 I'm running low on things to tell you about. I've told you about every person in my background. I have only one thing left -- My paranoid impressions. Yesterday in the library I noticed that the staff had a specific and identical expression on their faces when they saw me. They all smiled except the head librarian -- he's generally not a smiler. I'm wanting you badly, Ignacio.

2-15-02 A quiet day yesterday. Nothing to report -- I have a message for Velvel-- Velvel -- You know that sister yesterday who was asking you about a copy of the Rules of D.C. Superior Court? She's mental. You suggested that she go to MLK. I don't think you heard what she said out loud when she went back to her seat. She said: "Martin Luther King Library is a ghetto library for ghetto people. I'm not going to Martin Luther King." -- I myself like MLK, and I be white ! ! !

2-18-02 / 2-19-02 Somebody did a move-out (or move-in) on Sunday evening (2-17-02). The U-haul truck didn't pull out till about 9:45 PM. That's against the rules!

2-20-02 Here's an assignment: Look into an individual named Melinda Given Guttman. Professor of Speech, Theater & Media Studies (John Jay College), City University of New York. She published a book on one of Freud's early patients (Bertha Pappenheim). She is a protege of Margaret Brenman-Gibson. The cited book is dedicated to Margaret Brenman-Gibson.

2-21-02 Yesterday (2-20) in the library Charles Davis was telling the head librarian the cost of something. Davis said: "It's $47.01." Then, repeated that. I thought: "That's an odd price for anything." Then I thought: "That's where my old friend Craig [Dye] lives (or lived), 4701 Connecticut." You think that was just coincidence?

2-22-02 Please reassure Mrs. Joyce that I did not hear -- or overhear -- what she was talking about this morning. Her secret -- whatever it is -- is safe. She seemed to go scurrying off when she saw me coming up the steps from the first floor. By the way -- How is Vicki Abt? It's now 30 years exactly.

[Vicki Abt is a sociology professor at Penn State's Abington campus. I took an introductory sociology course taught by Abt. Abt has appeared on the Today Show and has written a book on TV talk shows that featured a discussion of Oprah Winfrey. Abt would be about 60 years old now.]

2-25-02 I worked on my bibliography this weekend at American University. You can tell the head librarian (at Cleveland Park) that I plan to make another copy of my book, using the library's computers. He may not like me using so much paper, but you're allowed 10 pages per day. So, my use falls within the rules.

[The repeated reference to "the rules" in various contexts suggests that it has some importance. The references might relate to Wagner's opera Die Meistersinger von Nurnberg. Possible confirmation of this inference emerges at a later point in these diary entries.]

2-26-02 I saw Carlos [Chalbaud] in the library yesterday. Apparently he survived 9/11. As you can see nothing's been going on with me.

2-27-02 Yesterday, when I got to the library, Carlos was sitting at a table, waiting to get on a computer. I intentionally sat at another table, to avoid sitting next to Carlos. Now, the head librarian thinks I might actually be straight after all. I guess I've got HIM fooled!

2-27-02 Message for William Nussbaum-- Weren't you the Hogan lawyer who had that New Deal poster in your office -- "Freedom from Want" or some such thing? (Or am I, pardon the term, "crazy?")

[In August 2004 I wrote to Nussbaum requesting that he negotiate an immunity agreement for Brian Brown under which Brown would divulge everything he knows about Akin Gump in return for immunity from prosecution. Nussbaum responded, declining the proposition, but referring me to the DC Bar Referral Service.]

2-28-02 Speaking of Hogan partners, I can remember that Catherine Lacroix (with whom I worked for the client Mercedes Benz) had a photograph in her office that was taken when she was an undergrad at Harvard. The photo shows Lacroix with other students together with Daniel Patrick Moynihan, who was a professor of government.

3-1-02 Yesterday was a quiet day. See you Monday.

3-4-02 Sheila J. Landers was a staff attorney at the General Counsel's Office at The U.S. International Trade Commission, when I interned there in 1984. She is now practicing at Bill Coleman's firm, O'Melveny & Myers at Columbia Square (555 13th Street, NW). By the way, 69 years ago exactly Franklin D. Roosevelt became President of the U.S.

3-5-02 Another name: Glenn A. Fine, Esq. Subject was a law clerk at the firm of Hogan & Hartson in the fall of 1985, when I first started working at the firm. Subject worked in an office on the second floor. At that time (Sept-Dec 1985) I worked with Charles (Chas) Green in the second floor library. I believe subject had two degrees from Harvard (bachelor's and law degrees). On one occasion subject sneered when he overheard me say to Charles Green -- "I have a brilliant legal mind." (I do!) I think subject knew I was a homosexual who wanted to drag him behind the stacks and hump his ass.

3-6-02 I feel so much better now that I've some clean, now that I've come out of the closet. Yes, I loved Glenn Fine. Is that so terrible? It was the love that dare not speak its name. I loved Glenn in a way you'll never understand. He was the most wonderful person I've ever "known!"

3-7-02 As you may have heard, there's a concern that terrorists could get a nuclear bomb, and set it off here in D.C. No need to panic. What you need to do, -- and I'm serious -- You'll have to get Judy Glassie to agree to have this entire building encased in lead. Lead is the only thing that will block out gamma rays. It would probably only cost a few hundred thousand dollars. Remember -- only living tenants pay rent!

[There's a possible sexual allusion to the reference to a nuclear explosion. See message at
3-8-02. Also, it was President Franklin Roosevelt who undertook the development of the atom bomb.]

3-8-02 Message for Glenn Fine -- Dear Glenn -- Last night with you was bliss. I fear that my orgasm has left me a cripple. P.S. -- Enjoyed the cabin!

[Parody of a Seinfeld episode. Note that the message referring to FDR's first inaugural (3-4-02) ushered in the arc of Glenn Fine messages. Incidentally, FDR died in a cabin-like structure in Warm Springs, GA, where he underwent treatment for paralysis.]

3-11-02 I mailed a copy of my autobiography to Glenn Fine at the Justice Department. The book is contained on two computer discs. Do you think anybody will read it -- or just throw it away? Glenn Fine, Inspector General of the U.S.

3-12-02 I'm still waiting for the shit to hit the fan-- I'm waiting to see what reaction I get when Glenn Fine gets my letter. You gotta love those letters!

[The letter to Fine inquired about employment at the IG's office.]

3-12-02 Mr. Cookson [the building engineer] did a good job yesterday -- in record time I may add. Give that man a raise! (I love you, Glenn.)

3-14-02 A quiet day yesterday. I saw my psychologist and we talked about my love for Glenn Fine, the only man I ever loved.

3-15-02 I'm thinking of sending an employment inquiry to Douglas Feith, Esq. (Central High School, 230th class). Feith is an official in the Defense Department. He's been working on the nuclear arms agreement with Russia that Pres. Bush plans to sign in Moscow in May. I love you Glenn!

3-18-02 It was a quiet weekend. My life, generally, is lacking in what you call excitement.

3-19-02 Another boring day, with nothing to report. I need a man to love.

[The phrase "I need a man to love" is a quote attributed to President Woodrow Wilson in the Freud/Bullitt psychobiography of Wilson. According to Freud, President Wilson's relations with significant males, such as Colonel House, reflected a dual father-son identification in which Wilson could play the idealized, noble father to a common son in need of rescue; and alternatively play the common son in need of rescue, assigning other males the role of the fantasized, idealized father.]

3-20-02 Here's a message for the head librarian at the Cleveland Park Branch-- There's a patron named "John F." -- He uses the computer and makes way over the permitted number of pages -- seems like he routinely makes 20-30 copies. -- "John F." Check him out.

["John F." may be an allusion to President Kennedy.]

3-21-02 Here's an interesting factoid: Harvard Law Professor Lawrence Tribe has a brother who is a child psychiatrist, Alexander Tribe, M.D., who practices in Walnut Creek, California (the Bay Area, I think).

3-22-02 Have a good weekend!

3-25-02 My sex life isn't all that great. I'm thinking I should have become a catholic priest -- my tool would be jumpin'

[Brian Brown is a practicing Catholic.]

3-26-02 I think about Glenn all the time. He was my one and only. I never forgot about him. The few times, the few moments we had together I have always cherished in my memory. Yes, Glenn, I loved you. More than Romeo loved Juliet, more than Mikhail loved Raisa, more than Smith loved Wesson. Glenn, oh, Glenn -- we could have been so happy together. But our lives intersect once again ! ! !

3-27-02 I think I'm falling for Ignacio, at the library. He's hot & he's Latino. I have fantasies of dragging him behind the stacks, and humping his hot, hairy, Latino ass. Ignacio -- Love you, Sweet Heart. Will you be my smokin' bitch?

3-28-02 I plan to send an employment inquiry to Judge Richard Klein, PA Superior Court (Appeals Court). He was one of my instructors at Temple Law School, which, incidentally, is named for Judge Klein's father (also a judge) -- "The Charles Klein Building."

[I did, in fact, send an employment inquiry to Judge Klein; the letter was virtually identical to the one I sent to Glenn Fine at DOJ. Judge Klein did not reply. Judge Klein taught a course in trial advocacy that I took in law school.]

3-29-02 Prince Abdullah was here the other night. So he says to me: Freedman, I've got an offer you can't refuse -- a real opportunity." I say: "Tell me more." So, Abdullah says: "I'll give you a lifetime supply of oil, if you'll agree to cut off your left foot." I said, "Abdullah, I'm intrigued, but I have to tell you right now, I don't drive, so what do I do with all that oil? And if I cut off my left foot, how does that help the fungus infection on my right foot?" -- "But please, tell me more!"

[Ridicules the Saudi Middle-East peace plan. The character Hans Sachs in the opera Die Meistersinger is a shoemaker.]

4-1-02 He ends up under siege in a bunker. Why am I not surprised? All you need is a couple cyanide capsules and a woman named Eva -- and you'll be all set for summer reruns.

[Refers to Yassir Arafat confined to his compound in Ramallah. Alludes to Hitler and his mistress, Eva Braun (Brian Brown?). Note that the leading female character in Wagner's opera Die Meistersinger von Nurnberg is named Eva.]

4-02-02 I saw Ben Wattenberg yesterday, at a CVS pharmacy. He was purchasing athlete's foot spray. I, personally, think he should get a brush for his think tank.

[The character Hans Sachs in the opera Die Meistersinger is a shoemaker.]

4-3-02 Message for Yassir Arafat: Take the one-way ticket. Believe me, you won't get a better deal. Just make sure you're wearing that rag on your head when you file for disability. File for a mental disability. Believe me, you won't have a problem getting your claim approved.

[Refers to offer by Israeli government to permit Arafat to leave his compound at Ramallah if he agrees not to come back to the country. Incidentally, a handkerchief plays a role in the opening action in the opera Die Meistersinger.]
4-4-02 Here's my one recollection of L. Patrick Swygert. Swygert was a law professor at Temple University Law School when I was a student there. He is now the president of Howard University. In the fall of 1981 I took a course in real estate transactions, taught by Joseph Passon. On one occasion Passon and Swygert were chatting before class. Swygert said he had eaten at McDonalds. He said he didn't usually eat there, but that every once in a while he (Swygert) needed a "grease fix."

4-5-02 Message for Adam Shapiro-- What's it like having breakfast with Hitler? How did you keep your food down, you little ass-kissing freak?

[Shapiro was a young American Jew who paid a sympathy visit to Arafat, who was confined to his compound in Ramallah. Shapiro and his family later received numerous death threats from American Jews.]

4-8-02 I told my psychologist that I'm not certain anymore whether you come in here everyday and read these notes. Please, please don't abandon me. You're my only contact with the outside world. (By the way, the couple in apt. 137 are a lively pair).

[The message suggests my identification with the isolated Arafat. See message on 4-5-02.]

4-9-02 Yesterday was a quiet day.

4-10-02 Here's my solution to the Mid-East crisis. What you do is make former Philadelphia Mayor, Wilson Goode, Prime Minister of Israel. He'd know how to deal with Arafat. Goode would drop a bomb on top of Arafat's compound in Ramallah. Good-bye, Yassir!

[In 1985 Philadelphia Mayor Wilson Goode suggested that the police drop a bomb on the roof of the home where the radical group "Move" had isolated itself, in West Philadelphia.]

4-11-02 A rare moment of Agreement:

ARIEL SHARON: We're going to chew him up . . .

YASSIR ARAFAT: . . .and spit him out.


[Apparently refers to the upcoming visit of a Mid-East peace envoy.]

4-12-02 What's the meaning of the policy of keeping the chocolate donuts hidden away? Don't you know? I NEED chocolate?

[Undated] The magazine is a nice touch, don't you think?-- It completes the total, super-fag look. Tres chic.

["Chocolate donuts hidden away:" Possible allusion to the symbolic meaning of the anus: "the secret place" where things are "hidden away." The message, when read in the context of the previous messages, suggests an implied comparison between the anus, on the one hand, and, on the other, my isolation in my apartment and Arafat's isolation in his compound.]

4-15-02 [Time Magazine cartoon of Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, with the caption:
"Arafat . . . Can't live with him, can't shoot him!" I have added the handwritten note:] Muscle Tough!

["Muscle Tough" is a play on the Hebrew "Maazel Tov," or "good luck."]

4-15-02 Please thank Mr. Castleberry for putting the chairs on the sun roof. I was pleasantly surprised on Saturday when I went up to the roof, and everything was set up. Good job!

4-16-02 Message for Mr. Castleberry -- Thanks for turning on the AC -- It's delightful! Bully!

["It's delightful! Bully!" is an allusion to President Theodore Roosevelt, who, incidentally, won a Nobel Peace Prize for his mediation of the Russo-Japanese War of 1905].

4-17-02 They chewed him up and spit him out -- You heard it here first.

[Refers to an unsuccessful peace mediation effort in the Middle-East.]

4-18-02 In my opinion, there's entirely too much vacuuming in this building. Tenants here are fairly clean. You don't really need to vacuum every day. Also, Mrs. Joyce is late every day. She makes Eddie wait. That's not fair. Show some consideration, Mrs. Joyce.

4-19-02 Message for my Palestinian friends: People in booby-trapped houses shouldn't throw stones!

4-22-02 Did you see the movie: "Changing Lanes?" Here's the Middle-East version --

ARIEL SHARON: See what I can do to you?

YASSIR ARAFAT: I want my life back.

4-23-02 Today is Shakespeare's birthday. Got anything planned?

4-24-02 A little nippy out there, isn't it? I'm being too polite. It's fucking cold out there. "Luxury apartments" -- my ass.

[Note the association of my apartment with the anus. See message on 4-12-02.]

4-25-02 Difficult session with my psychologist, Dr. Shaffer, yesterday afternoon. She doesn't seem to understand my love for Glenn Fine. She didn't want to review a computer disc I tried to give her, a disc that contained the results of my investigation of Glenn Fine. I was hurt by her actions. My love for Glenn is deep and probably eternal. I want to be a part of the Glenn Fine world. I [heart] Glenn.

4-26-02 Quiet day, yesterday. Stop back on Monday.

4-30-02 There was another "illegal" move-in/move-out on Saturday night. The truck didn't move out till about 9:00 PM. What's the good of rules if you don't enforce them?

4-30-02 I had some ideas for a new line of Barbie dolls.

"Unlawful Termination Barbie:" You pull a string in the back, and the doll commits perjury.

"Intifada Barbie:" You pull a string in the back and the damn thing blows up.

[Note the implied identification between my feelings about my job termination, on the one hand, and, on the other, the grievances of Palestinians against the Israelis. "Claus Barbie" was the name of a Nazi war criminal who was captured in the year 1985.]

5-1-02 Happy May Day!

5-2-02 Yassir Arafat: "I'm back, baby, I'm back!"

5-3-02 I think I'm falling for Ben S. at the library. He's looking for a literary agent.

["Ben S." was a library patron who used the public access computers.]

5-6-02 Yesterday was Cinqo de Mayo. It was a sad day for me. I longed for all my Latino friends, particularly, my dear friend, Ignacio. Love you, babe.

5-7-02 Sat directly across from Ben S. at the library. W-O-W. When I got home I had to have a private moment. Man, when that white sticky stuff started to fly it was a wild scene. Thanks, Ben. You gave me the big one I was waiting for!

[Ben S. was tall. Possible allusion to "Big Ben" in London, and implicitly, to the passage of time.]

5-8-02 Nothing new to report. I saw Carlos [Chalbaud] yesterday. He seems to be putting on some weight. He needs to work out.

5-9-02 Saw Carlos in the library. It was nice to see his smiling face. I might ask Carlos out on a date.

5-10-02 I saw Julie Sherman this morning at about 10 minutes before 7 AM. She looked at me really oddly. (Julie Sherman is the President of the Tenants Association). What's up with that? How would Julie Sherman even know who I am?

5-13-02 I had a Pepsi weekend. Brittany Spears stopped by accompanied by Bob Strauss. Brittany Spears was thinking young; Bob Strauss was talking earnings projections. A good time was had by all!

[Strauss is a member of the Pepsi-Cola Board of Directors. A possible implicit association between a desire for youth and a desire for wealth, both of which I am in short supply.]

5-14-02 / 5-15-02 (Double Issue) What do you get when you sprinkle salt water on a brownie? You get a Brine Brownie! (I haven't lost my sense of humor.)

[Brine Brownie is a play on the name Brian Brown (psychoanalytically, suggestive of oral incorporation and pathological mourning. Brine is used as a meat preservative, suggestive of the use of formaldehyde in embalming.)]

5-16-02 Yesterday, Carlos had just left the library when I arrived. I was devastated! If only we had come together -- that would have been cool.

["Come together" is an apparent sexual allusion.]

5-17-02 It's 6:21 PM. Thursday, 5-16. There's a guy outside (looks like a Marine) -- He's doing an illegal move-in. Not only that-- their truck is parked in the zone reserved for the front-desk clerk. Bastards!

5-20-02 There's been some talk that Al Qaeda may be planning to rent an apartment in a high-rise, simply to bring explosives in and blow them up. May I recommend a site for my friends at Al Qaeda?-- Why don't you choose 3883 Connecticut Avenue -- The building won't be missed.

[3883 Connecticut, an apartment building directly across from my window, completed in 2002, blocks the view from my apartment.]

5-21-02 Check out Alex Zapruder's book, "Salvaged Pages," published by Yale University Press. It's a Holocaust book. There's no business like Shoah business!

[Zapruder is romantically involved with my old friend Craig Dye. She has worked at the Holocaust Museum. "Shoah" is Hebrew for the Holocaust. Zapruder's father won a $15 million settlement with the U.S. Government over ownership of the so-called Zapruder film of the Kennedy assassination. Note the implication that the Zapruders exploit the suffering of others for financial gain.]

5-22-02 Carlos was at the library yesterday. Muy, muy caliente! ! By the way, today is Sy Glanzer's birthday.

[Seymour Glanzer is an attorney with Dickstein Shapiro, which represented Akin Gump in the lawsuit McNeil v. Akin, Gump, Strauss, Hauer & Feld (Robert Higgins, Esq.). Glanzer used to practice at the Justice Department and is a friend or acquaintance of Len Garment. Glanzer has a degree from the Juilliard School and is apparently a musician. May 22 is also the birthday of the composer Richard Wagner.]

5-23-02 How did you celebrate Sy Glanzer's birthday? I had a wild time.

5-24-02 Here's my take on the Chandra Levy matter: In my opinion, nothing good has ever come out of Brandywine Street.

[The remains of Levy, a Congressional staffer, were found on Brandywine Street. Gertrude R. Ticho, MD, the psychiatric consultant who reportedly told Dennis Race I was delusional and potentially violent, resided on Brandywine Street. Psychoanalytically, in this context, "Brandywine" is a possible allusion to death; brandy is used to preserve fruit (as formaldehyde is used as an embalming fluid)].

5-27-02 / 5-28-02 I'm thinking of going to India for lunch. I hear they're opening a new deli. Specialty of the house? Anything fried.

[Refers to the escalating tensions between India and Pakistan and the possible use of nuclear weapons by both sides against each other.]

5-29-02 People say: "Why are you celibate?" "You're not a priest." I'll tell you why: I'm giving myself to Bob Strauss. That's right. I feel it makes me a better person -- because of abstinence, I'm able to give my whole being to Bob. Some young men are attracted to the priesthood, but they have a problem with celibacy. With me it's the opposite: I feel an attraction to celibacy and an aversion to Catholicism. But I have to say I like the collars -- Those collars priests wear. In fact those are the two best things about the priesthood. The collars and the celibacy.

[A dream interpretation I wrote, "The Dream of the Blue Oxford," that deals with my father's death, refers to the issue of a shirt collar and a dog collar and contains references to formaldehyde as a tissue preservative.)]

5-30-02 I planted some flower seeds in the planter on the roof (on the west side). Little green shoots are starting to come up. I hope people don't use the planter as an ash tray (which they've done in the past).

[Note the symbolism: the planter is analogous to the womb which houses a fertilized zygote; an ashtray is a repository of waste material. The message implies a confusion of vagina and anus.]

5-31-02 PRESIDENT VAJPAYEE [OF INDIA]: "Get me Claire Hirshfield -- and fahst! Hm, you smell that? Is something burning?"

[Refers to the India/Pakistan crisis and the feared use of nuclear weapons by both sides.]

6-3-02 PRIME MINISTER VAJPAYEE: To hell with the people-- How do we protect the cows?

6-4-02 Here's somebody you might want to check out: MOYLAN MILLS (Central High School, 188th class). Mills was my faculty adviser at Penn State (Abington -- 1971-1973). He is currently "Professor & Dept. Head of Integrative Arts" at Penn State's Abington Campus. Obviously, he is a graduate of my high school (Central HS).

6-5-02 Here's somebody to look into: BARBARA SIEGEL VAN HORNE. I worked with her at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia about 30 years ago:

She started in the summer of 1971;
She had worked as a librarian at the Phila. Public Library (Central Branch) previously;
She was originally from New York City;
She was Jewish; her husband (van Horne) was doing time for drugs -- he later died;
She was a devotee of the Wagner operas;
She got her job through Richard Groening;
She later worked for Joe Pitts;
She left in 1974; she got a job as a librarian at a college library-- a dream job for her.

6-6-02 Did I mention that Ben S. shaved his goatee and that he's looking very sexy, y muy, muy caliente? I think I'm going to ask the guy out.

6-10-02 / 6-7-02 [sic] Here's David Rosenbaum's telephone number-- 814 867 9227. I told you about Dave last year. -- 1970 Central High School grad (229th class). Played violin in orchestra. He wanted to be creative.

[Rosenbaum is now a professor of psychology at Penn State, my college alma mater.]

6-10-02 Below is a picture of my old supervisor [Christine Robertson] -- I think she's just spotted [Akin Gump managing partner] Larry Hoffman.

[Attached is page 73 of April 2002 issue of Esquire magazine depicting a female model sitting on a beach; she is sneering, her tongue is sticking out of her mouth; and she is making an obscene gesture with a finger of her right hand.]

6-11-02 You may have heard that terrorists have been considering building and detonating a so-called dirty bomb (a radiological dispersion device). As I pointed out before, only one thing can help us -- lead. You need to have a sheet of lead to block out gamma rays, etc. GET on this PRONTO ! !

6-12-02 Here's somebody to check out: ALAN BEDRICK, M.D. Subject graduated Central High School in 1970, & went on to get a B.S. & M.D. from Penn State. (He was in the 229 at Central). He specialized in pediatrics (that's kids). He used to hang out with the Chanin brothers at Central. I wonder if he remembers me?

[Bedrick is a neonatologist. The Chanin brothers also graduated from Penn State with degrees in psychology.]

6-13-02 I am an enema combatant. I am opposed to enemas, and I will combat them any way I can ! !

[Note that the message on 6-12 referred to a neonatologist. The reference to enemas on 6-13 may suggest a confusion of anus and vagina. This confusion has emerged in other diary entries.]

6-14-02 I've been writing to you for about a year now. Take a break -- and have a good weekend. I'll have something for you on Monday -- promise. My doctor [Dr. Ruttenberg], by the way, is allowing me to stop taking my anti-obsessive/compulsive medication. Do you see a difference?

[Refers to the drug Anafranil.]

6-17-02 [Pasted at top of page is a note cut out from a publication that states: "CHECK THIS OUT!"] I lied on Friday when I said I would have something for you today. That will teach you to trust a psychotic!

6-18-02 I think I've run into a dry spell -- Nothing to report -- Thinking of a mid-life career change -- I may run for Mayor of Nairobi.

[Nairobi is the capital of Kenya. Refers to high school classmate, Perry Rubenstein, whose stated career ambition in high school was to be Prime Minister of Kenya.]

6-19-02 For the Chapter: "I was a Teenage Homosexual." I can remember the first time I set eyes on the future Prime Minister of Kenya. It was on the afternoon of September 5, 1969 -- a Friday -- in chemistry lab (near the south lawn). I remember looking around, and seeing a face I had never seen before. I thought, "Did he just transfer to "Boys Nation"? This is really queer, but I think I can recall what he was wearing at the time: a banlon shirt (rust in color -- you know, the color of ferrous oxide). Little did I know then that one day he would be elected head of state, and that my own career would be tragically, suddenly, and brutally ended by a mad terminator who had affiliated with someone with ties to Moscow and the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. -- Perry, We Hardly Knew Ya!

[President Clinton, in his youth, was a member of Boys Nation. At about age 16 President Clinton and fellow Boys Nation members got to meet then President Kennedy (on the South Lawn?) at the White House. I suspect there are allusions here to father idealization, the desire to emulate a father figure, but also the homosexual anxiety associated with placing the self in the passive position of fulfilling the father's ambitions. See Peter Blos, "Freud and the Father Complex." The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child. Note my dual identification with both President Kennedy (father figure) and the young Bill Clinton (son figure). The fact that President Kennedy was assassinated suggests Oedipal concerns. Note how I conflate the assassination of President Kennedy with the issue of my job termination, as if I see myself as an assassination victim.

I have a remote association to this message, which can be interpreted as relating to the issue of successorship, a "passing of the torch" from one generation to the next. I associate the message to the opening chorus of Wagner's opera, Die Meistersinger von Nurnberg:

When the Savior [the young Bill Clinton] came to thee [John the Baptist/President Kennedy],
willingly accepted thy baptism,
offered Himself up to a sacrificial death,
He gave the covenant for our salvation
that we might consecrate ourselves through His [Bill Clinton's] baptism
so as to be worthy of His sacrifice.
Noble Baptist [President Kennedy]!
Christ's [Bill Clinton's] precursor!
Receive us graciously
there by the river Jordan.

John Kennedy in becoming President fulfilled his father's ambitions and, in doing so, ultimately met his death. Psychoanalytically, this fact may relate to castration anxiety or homosexual anxiety associated with fulfilling the father's ambitions. See Blos, P. "Freud and the Father Complex." The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child. Note that all the named parties suffered a demise of one sort or other: John the Baptist was beheaded, President Kennedy was assassinated; Christ was crucified (and, according to believers, rose again), President Clinton was impeached (and was acquitted).

6-20-02 LOST OPPORTUNITIES

GEORGE H.W. BUSH: I should have killed him when I had a chance.

ARIEL SHARON: Right. Tell me about it.

[Bush's comment refers to Saddam Hussein. Sharon's comment refers to Yassir Arafat.]

6-21-02 I had an odd impression at the library yesterday (6-20-02). The branch librarian -- I don't know his name -- for the sake of convenience I'll call him "Brian"; well, "Brian" was talking to someone, and I noticed an unusual modulation in his voice, a kind of animated tone. It was as if "Brian" were mimicking someone else who had been talking in an excited manner. Of course, I thought this was related to me somehow. -- Have a good summer.

[Significantly, this is the first instance in which I refer to Brian Patrick Brown by name. Circumstantial psychoanalytic evidence suggests that my association to the beginning of summer ("Have a good summer") is significant. Wagner's opera, Die Meistersinger von Nurnberg takes place on St. John's Day, which is June 21, the first day of summer. Odd, don't you think? The opera features a symbolic father-son relationship between an older, experienced Master (Hans Sachs) and the young, and highly ambitious son figure (Walther von Stolzing). Sigmund Freud had a special fondness for Meistersinger and wrote about the opera in a letter to his special friend, Wilhelm Fliess.

"The Meistersinger afforded me a strange pleasure. A parallel between [my friend and protector] Breuer and H. Sachs is forced upon me by the circumstance that he too was in the theater. I was sympathetically moved by the 'morning dream interpretation melody.'" Sigmund Freud to Wilhelm Fliess.

Of interest is the fact that in the third act of the opera, Walther writes a song but has not titled it. Upon hearing the song, Sachs -- in an outburst of emotion in which he compares Walther's lyrical creation to the birth of a child -- says "I give the song the name 'The Blissful Morning Dream Interpretation Melody.'" Sachs refers to his act of naming the song as "a baptism."

Psychoanalytically, the wider implications of the issue of "the name" probably relates to the issue of personal identity. Incidentally, I was born on December 23, 1953 -- near the beginning of the winter solstice -- the astronomical polar opposite of the beginning of summer (June 21). One of the few occasions on which I made a personal comment to Brian Brown was on about December 24, 2003, the day after my fiftieth birthday. "Brian," I said, "yesterday was my birthday. Do you have a policy of giving a present to patrons on their birthdays? What I had in mind was -- could you give me one of those T-shirts?" ("The Friends of the Cleveland Park Library," a volunteer group, raises funds for the library through the sale of commemorative T-shirts and other souvenir items.) The Cleveland Park Library celebrated its fiftieth anniversary in the year 2003. The library opened in the year of my birth, 1953. Brian Brown's ban on my access to the library (an institution with which I have a strong personal identification), in April 2004, was probably experienced by me as an extreme narcissistic loss.]

6-24-02 So, Malcolm says: "Zibelman? Who the hell is Zibelman? Is it one of his girlfriends?" No, it's not. Jeffrey Zibelman was a student in my 12th grade English class in high school (1970-1971). He graduated from Penn State in Spring 1975, in my graduating class. (By the way, what is EEC [Zibelman's college major])? (Not every Penn State graduate can become a big-time real estate lawyer [like Akin Gump attorney Earl Segal, Esq.]). He looked like a compulsive reader. The only activity he lists in the high school yearbook is "library aide." [See message, above, dated 6-21-04]. Check out my high school yearbook, page 235 (Upper Left). It's Mr. Plummer's English class. You can catch a good shot of my back (my head is directly under the teacher's head). There's a Jeffrey Zibelman who is an elementary school principal at a school in central Pennsylvania (phone 814 796-2060). Zibelman appeared to be a non-joiner in high school and college. He also appears to be anti-necktie.

[My father worked as a garment cutter in a neckwear factory. He had a disdain for people who did not wear a necktie in socially appropriate circumstances. "Look at him, he should be wearing a tie," my father used to say. Note that my father "cut cloth." (Possible reference to castration fears?)

6-25-02 I have a message for Brian -- Your hair looked really nice, yesterday, Brian. -- The body, the bounce, the sheen. Are you using a new conditioner, Brian? --Just keep on doing what you're doing, Brian.

[My father had male-pattern baldness, and I suspected that he envied my hair. Note that hair, like cloth, is "cut." (Possible reference to castration fears?)]

6-25-02 Here's the George Bush Mid-East Peace Plan, as reported in "Variety." WEST BANK STORY. Is it going to be "Sunday in the Gaza Strip With George" or "Two States Side by Side by Sondheim?"

[Stephen Sondheim was Leonard Bernstein's lyricist -- the two had a professional partnership.]

6-26-02 WEST BANK STORY (CONT'D).

YASSIR ARAFAT: There's a place for us.

[Refers to "West Side Story," a musical by Bernstein and Sondheim, based on Romeo and Juliet.]

6-27-02 Here's what I've noticed at the library. For a while Pauline [Jones, who works at the circulation desk] was saying "Hello, how are you?" [to me]. Now, that's stopped, and she's gone back to being the black-ice princess.

6-28-02 A strange and distressing incident happened yesterday afternoon (6/27) at about 3:55 PM - 4:00 PM at the Georgia Avenue/Petworth Metro Station. A Metro transit cop (white male) stopped me near the kiosk on the mezzanine above the track level. He asked me where I was coming from, where I was headed, whether I had anything on me he should know about -- drugs, needles -- He asked to see my arms to check for injection marks, asked if I use drugs or ever used drugs. I told him I was in the neighborhood to visit the mental health center (I had a consult with my psychologist, Dr. Shaffer). He asked me the address (I said 1125 Spring Road). He stated that there was a lot of drug trafficking in the neighborhood. His manner was mildly intimidating, and not at all friendly. The only reason I can see for the stop was that I was white in an overwhelmingly black/Hispanic neighborhood. I think it was racial profiling. What was his probable cause for the stop? At no time did he initiate physical contact. He declined to see my ID, which I offered.

[Note the reference to personal identity: the issue of "the name," in the form of ID. See the message on 6-21-02.]

7-1-02 THE TRIBULATIONS OF THE ENEMA COMBATANT

PRESIDENT'S PHYSICIAN: Mr. President, just say "go" when you're ready.

PRESIDENT BUSH: Hold it right there! You're not doing any inserting in that area!!

Now, onto a totally unrelated topic: Saturday (6-29) I had an idea of reference in the library. In the magazine exchange, someone left a catalogue that was concealed under a magazine. The only part of the catalogue that was visible was the lower right-hand corner (arrow pointing to cutout portion of catalogue). It shows a male model with his hand near the full Monty in his pants -- and the phrase "Escape with Perry." I thought it referred to Rubenstein, the heterosexual from Philadelphia.

[The attached portion of the catalogue says: "Escape with Perry Ellis." Rubenstein "escaped" to Florida during spring break in the 11th grade in high school.]

7-2-02 Message for Brian-- Listen, guy, I don't like being hassled by patrons in the library. Louise, your geriatric friend, is a pain in the ass. But she doesn't have much time left, and the day is coming when she'll be gone. But there's someone else who really riles me. Her name (which I picked up from the computer sign-in form) is either "Lori" or "Seidman." A few weeks ago she got into an ugly dispute with Velvel. Yesterday was my turn. Yesterday, my buddy Ben and I were on the computer. The patron in question signs up, then asks Ben if he's going to take all his time. He says he might. (She asks this of people -- including me -- every time she signs up.) She turns to me -- I KNOW what she's going to say, and I burst out "Yes, I am" before she finished asking me the question. She walks away without comment. Ben gets off the computer and the patron gets on. She says nothing to me. Then I get off the computer, I stand to leave, and Velvel tells me nobody is waiting to get on, and that I can stay on for a bit longer, -- which I do. Then the patron starts in -- saying to me: "He lets you stay on past your time. Gee, aren't you lucky. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy." She looks at me. I said nothing and did not return her gaze. She left me alone after that. My provisional diagnosis-- Borderline or narcissistic personality disorder.

1. Note the envy (She thinks I'm getting special favors)

2. Note the hypersensitivity (she was hurt by my "rudeness" and did not, or was unable, to metabolize her pain -- that pain remained for apparently 15 minutes)

3. Projective Identification -- Her comments to me were an attempt to get me into a scene, thereby transferring her angry state to me. She could, in turn, play the victim, i.e., the victim of my anger toward her.

4. Lack of empathy / intrusiveness (boundary breach) / sense of entitlement: Her act of routinely approaching computer users to ask how long they are going to be on, without regard to how annoying she is by doing this as an invariant behavior. I suspect Velvel's problem is that he let her suck him into her game. Watch out for borderlines -- they're trouble.

7-3-02 Apropos of my letter of 7/2

MARSHALL MACLUHAN: Do you plan to use up your entire 15 minutes of fame?

BEN: I might.

MARSHALL MACLUHAN: And you, do you plan to --

FREEDMAN: YES, I DO ! !

7-4-02 / 7-5-02 Here's a recollection from July 1968, 34 years ago. I was in Atlantic City with my father. My father was talking to Edward Blum. Blum was talking about his two kids: Jay and Susan. He said that Jay (13 years old at the time) was taking guitar lessons, but that he spent his time playing his own stuff, instead of practicing his assigned music. Blum said that his daughter Susan (the older child) was working on "Clair de Lune" (by Debussy), a difficult piece. Susan Blum played piano. She entered Glasboro College (Where Lyndon met with the Commies in '67 -- Do you remember Kosygin's daughter [I think it was] went to a performance of the opera "La Gioconda" while she was in the states with daddy). Anyway, Susan Blum entered Glasboro with the intent to study music. She gave that up and majored in something else. Reportedly, she said music majors had to "eat, sleep, and breathe music" 24/7, which she couldn't do, -- anything connected to music I can recall. What I'm wondering is -- whatever happened to Eddie Lischin? I notice I never read about him in the alumni news letter. Did he ever do anything with his life -- like become a marine biologist? Or did he just end up pretending to be an architect? I remember the last time I saw him -- spring 1968. Jay Blum's bar mitzvah. He was sporting a ponytail. Who has a ponytail in a non-ponytail country? ?

[Compare the message dated 6-25-04 about Brian Brown's hair; the context of the message relates to my father. This message about Edward Lischin expressly refers to my father.]

7-8-02 JOE'S FRUIT STAND

FREEDMAN (on telephone): Hey, Greenberg--

GREENBERG: Yea?

FREEDMAN: Remember when we were in high school?

GREENBERG: Yea?

FREEDMAN: Twelfth-grade social studies?

GREENBERG: Yea?

FREEDMAN: You sat directly in back of me.

GREENBERG: That's right.

FREEDMAN: Did you think I looked like a fag?

GREENBERG: No. I thought you looked like a psychotic.

FREEDMAN: Thanks. (hangs up phone).

FREEDMAN: See? Greenberg says he didn't think I looked like a fag.

RUBENSTEIN: SO? What do you want ME to do?

FREEDMAN: Well, I got calls out to six other guys asking them if THEY thought I looked like a fag.

[Parody of a Seinfeld episode, "The Mango," in which Jerry Seinfeld telephones a former girlfriend to find out if she had orgasms when they were dating.]

7-8-02 SPECIAL EDITION. Could you tell Dave Castleberry that the firemen smashed the window in the door to the roof deck (8th floor -- the Doc Ceaser entrance) -- They also punched out the locks to the door. By the way, I gotta tell you -- 11:00 PM a lot of people are having sex (normal or solo). It's hard to go on when those alarm bells are going. Personally, I lost my erection. I think I'm going to sue WRIT. "Damages for lost orgasm."

[Refers to fire in apartment building to which fire fighters responded. Note the psychosexual implications of the idea of "fire." "They also punched out the locks to the door" -- possible symbolic reference to breaking the hymen. Years ago, I used to masturbate on the roof of the building. Martin Ceaser, MD, a psychiatrist/psychoanalyst, whose professional office is in the building, also used to reside in the building, and would occasionally sit on the roof deck.]

7-9-02 Twelfth-grade social studies -- Everyday the teacher [Jacob Finkelstein] used to call the roll at the start of class.

Adams
Boig
Boi-man
(?)
Cohen
Day-Vuh-Ohno
Eisenstock
Fweed-man
Gween-boig

or translated--

ADAMS
BERG
BERMAN
(?)
COHEN
DEVUONO
EISENSTOCK
FREEDMAN
GREENBERG

[Note that the first Act of the opera Die Meistersinger features a meeting of the Mastersinger guild, where there is a roll call of names -- once again, the issue of "the names" (or personal identity). See the message on 6-21-02.]

By the way, I think Jay Berman was the only person with a brain in this group. This is the only thing I remember about Berman. In the eleventh grade (1969-70 school year) in Mr. Rosenbaum's English class, somebody mentioned that Nasser (Pres. Nasser of Egypt) had died. Berman said: "So, what do you want me to do, say Kaddish?"

[Kaddish is a Hebrew prayer for the dead. As Rabbi Wohlberg would point out -- it's actually written in Aramaic.]

7-10-02 Here's somebody you can look into-- RICHARD ORODENKER (Central High School, 229th class, 1970). Subject sat next to me in 9th grade French class, taught by Edith Procter (who, incidentally, had been one of Linda Miller's French teachers at Girls' High School). Subject thought that my having both Mr. Price and Elliot Cades (Ming the Merciless) in my freshman year, was a brutal fate. In French class I was a freshman in a class of 10th graders. Toby Apel (the professional violist) was in that class. Orodenker was active in his synagogue. [Note the immediate transition from a religious reference to a sexual reference:] By the way, I whacked off for 40 minutes this morning. I had to. It's called "mitigation of damages." You know, if WRIT's lawyer says to me at my deposition, "What did you do, if anything, to mitigate your lost orgasm," I'll be able to say -- "Well, if you really must know" -- If you have to, you have to!

[Several of the diary entries contain associations of sexual content with religious content.]

7-12-02 I heard that Malcolm went to Arnold Shapiro with the idea for an All-Akin Gump "Big Brother" reality-TV series. The only problem was that Malcolm couldn't find 12 Akin Gump employees who could pass the psych test.

[Arnold Shapiro is the producer of the CBS-TV reality series "Big Brother." Note the possible biblical allusion to the patriarch Abraham. God promises Abraham that He will not destroy Sodom and Gomorra if Abraham can identify 10 righteous people in the cities. Malcolm Lassman (a kind of patriarch), together with Robert Strauss, founded the Washington, DC office of Akin Gump, in the year 1971.]

7-12-02 Here's somebody to contact -- The sales representative at Eli Lilly -- The drug manufacturer that makes Zyprexa, the anti-psychotic medication I was taking, and which did nothing for me (even after 6 months.) Paul Booth, Sales Rep., Neuroscience Business Unit, Eli Lilly, Neuroscience Division, 3524 S. Stafford Avenue, Arlington, VA 22208 phone (703) 931-5686. See what he makes of my autobiography.

[Note that Eli is Hebrew for God. As the Big Jew in the Sky once said: "Eli, Eli, why hast thou forced me to take antipsychotic meds?"]

7-16-02 Here are two people to look into: ROBERT FLIEGELMAN - LAWRENCE FOGEL. Subjects were in my home room class in high school. (Central High School, 230th class, 1971). I had nothing to do with these people, but I'm running out of people to tell you about. The two subjects were close friends. I vaguely recall in 12th grade, a substitute home room teacher, Miss Brody, said -- "What, are the two of you brothers?" The relationship between the two was an unusual one. I think Fliegelman was in my 12th grade English class taught by Mr. Plummer. I vaguely recall Fliegelman was excited about getting accepted to Muhlenberg College. Both Fliegelman and Fogel list medicine as their career objective in the high school yearbook (neither is listed in the current physicians' directory). Fogel was super smart; he achieved scholastic honors.

7-16-02 [Cut out from magazine:] Yeah, I'm so fucking bored.

7-17-02

YASSIR ARAFAT: Why did things turn out like this for me? I had so much going for me when I was younger. Well, maybe not academically. But I always knew what people were thinking at a party.

KING ABDULLAH: You've become George.

YASSIR ARAFAT: Don't say that!

[Parody of a Seinfeld episode.]

7-18-02 Please tell Dave Castleberry (he's the resident manager -- his office is on the second floor -- ask Mrs. Joyce for directions) -- The cardboard on the outside of the door leading out to the roof deck -- the door whose glass got smashed [by the fire fighters] -- THAT cardboard fell off & needs to be taped up.

7-19-02 The city wants to cut the library budget in order to help its budget problems. RIDICULOUS! The city needs to get at the root of the problem -- and not simply cut the weeds at their tops. The problem is literacy. -- Too many people reading too many books. My solution-- cut the school budget. Make reading an elective course in elementary school. Let the little six year olds decide for themselves if they want to throw away their lives as literate adults. In my mind, it's a no-brainer. Slash the school budget, and in 10 to 20 years, nobody will even NEED libraries.

7-22-02 No news today.

7-23-02 I've really run low on things to tell you about. I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel with this one. Here's the name of someone from my high school graduating class (Central High School, 230th class, 1971). DAVID POMERANTZ. Subject was in my 11th grade algebra II class. That was the class in which I heard Rubenstein say I looked like a fag (a male homosexual). Pomerantz was a library aide (maybe he knew Zibelman). Pomerantz won't remember me.

[Note the connection between the message on 7-19 about the library budget, and the message on 7-23 that refers to the high school library aides Pomerantz and Zibelman.]

7-24-02 Here's what I call "The Single Bull-Shooter Theory"

RUBENSTEIN: I make one comment thirty years ago. Who the hell knew he would turn into a one-man Warren Commission?

[Perry Rubenstein called me a fag in high school -- a fact that I seem never to have gotten over. Note the allusions to the Kennedy assassination, namely, the Warren Commission and "The Single Bull-Shooter Theory." Jack Ruby, who killed Lee Harvey Oswald, was originally named Rubenstein.] 7-25-02 I have a message for Alex [Bernstein] -- Listen, Alex, I got a tape of one of your father's [Leonard Bernstein's] Norton Lectures at Harvard, from 1973: Tape No. 3 -- "Musical Semantics." Right off the bat, your father says something that's flat out incorrect. Talking about the semantics of a particular sentence, he points out that it is ambiguous, and susceptible of two interpretations. The sentence is: "The whole town was populated by old men and women." Your father says one can interpret this to mean--

1) The town was populated by old men and OLD women, or
2) The town was populated by old men and women OF ANY AGE.

But there's a third meaning, which Pops omitted (or, of psychoanalytic significance, may have repressed). The possibility is:

"The town was populated by [descendants of] old men and women."

The "deletions" implicit in the third construction are:

1) Old men and women of childbearing age had sex;

2) at least some of the women had babies;

3) the babies grew up, and now POPULATE the town.

Your father limited the phrase "populated by" to mean only that old men and women RESIDE IN the town.

The third meaning construes "populated by" to be a verb, that is "old men and women engaged in procreation" -- the product of which act now populate, or reside in, the whole town.

Psychoanalytically, what is interesting is that the third interpretation can be rephrased to highlight a specific fact that is absent from (or, repressed by) your father's two constructions. That fact is: "Each resident of the town, at birth, had an old man as a father." I.e., your Pops may have been repressing issues relating to his own father complex. (Like Beethoven himself). --Give my regards to [your sister] Nina.

[Interestingly, in the cases of both Bernstein and Freud the respective mothers were about 18 years old when their sons were born; the respective fathers were considerably older. Bernstein and Freud (like the biblical Joseph) had "old men" as fathers. My own father was 47 when I was born, on December 23, 1953. Perhaps a disparity in the ages of mother and father can heighten a child's disposition to create a Family Romance fantasy: "That old man cannot possibly be my father; he is so much older than my mother. Someone else must have sired me." My own mother was nine years younger than my father.]

Something just occurred to me. Assuming Lenny was repressing material relating to his father complex, then you can see a metaphorical quality in his lecture dealing with Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony [no. 6].

--Lenny embarked on a merry jaunt in semantics to escape from the intrapsychic reality of his father complex

--Beethoven embarked on a merry jaunt in the country to escape the confines of city life (which is itself a metaphor, since all Beethoven was doing was setting down notes on a page). Personally, for me, I have to say, "I would rather 'Escape with Perry.'"

7-26-02 Later, dude. By the way, I forgot to mention that July 24 was the 15th anniversary of Daniel Cutler's trip to Philadelphia to attend a David Bowie concert. He went to see the Liberty Bell, too -- but was disappointed by the small size of the pavilion.

7-29-02 I got a bit of a peeve with these so-called supportive psychotherapists. They don't like you to talk about the same thing week after week. --Like you're there to entertain them! I've been talking about Rubenstein for over a month now, -- and my therapist wants me to give it a rest. -- As if, if I talk about something else the content of the other topic won't be determined by the same factors that underlie my current Rubenstein obsession! I thought of a joke. A diabetic complains about his illness -- about his having to prick his finger a couple times a day to get a blood glucose reading. The diabetic's friend says: "Maybe you're not even diabetic. Why don't you prick your foot -- maybe you'll get a different reading!" -- Yea, sure.

[An earlier message -- a joke about the Saudi Middle-East peace plan -- also featured a reference to the foot. The character Hans Sachs in Die Meistersinger was a shoemaker.]

7-30-02 RIDDLE -- Why did the chicken cross the hall? ANSWER-- Because the apartment manager put a new door out to the roof deck, but didn't distribute new keys.

7-31-02 Tell you what I did. I planted orange seeds on the roof. In a few weeks we should be getting our first crop of Valencia oranges. I figure this could be a whole new revenue source for WRIT.

[The French Revolution was triggered when the government attempted to raise additional revenue through taxation.]

8-1-02 Not much happening. I'm watering my orange trees. It's getting really exciting -- Imagine, an orange grove on the roof! I feel like Marie Antoinette at Versailles -- You know, L'Orangerie -- (Ask Dr. Hirshfield).

[For her amusement, Marie Antoinette had an orange grove planted at Versailles; it was called "L'Orangerie." Note the implications of the reference to Marie Antoinette. She was a queen who was beheaded in a revolution. The reference to the Queen (a royal figure) carries implications about the Family Romance Fantasy and Oedipal issues.]

8-02-03 I am so alone, so lonely. It's not like it was years ago, when I used to run around with my buddies, picking up babes. Now, no one writes, nobody calls. All my old friends from years ago -- friends who would support me to the ends of time, or so, they said -- are all gone. What do I have to live for? Sure, maybe a Nobel prize, or a Supreme Court appointment, but who the hell wants to spend a week in Stockholm?

[In the paper "The Fantasy of Having a Twin," Dorothy Burlingham writes that the latency age child, in rebellion against his parents who have failed to gratify his Oedipal desires, may annihilate the parents in fantasy. In his consequent loneliness the child may create an imaginary twin sibling to mitigate the pain of isolation. The fantasy of having a twin sibling is oedipal in origin, and reflects the frustration of the child's Oedipal wishes, his consequent Oedipal rage, and associated annihilation anxiety. "The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child," volume 1.

Note, incidentally, that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is married to a tax attorney (Martin Ginsburg) and also speaks fluent Swedish. Compare message at 7-31-02.]

8-2-02 By the way, Franz Liszt's Faust Symphony was first performed on Sept. 5, 1857 -- EXACTLY 112 years (to the day) before I saw Frankenstein for the first time [in high school chemistry lab]. I remember the Philadelphia Orchestra performed the piece [the Faust Symphony] in the fall 1982 season -- I went to TWO performances! Ricardo Muti conducted, I think. Whatever happened to Muti? I notice I never read about him in the alumni newsletter.

[Frankenstein is a punning reference to Perry Rubenstein. Frankenstein, as an artificial being created in a laboratory, is unique and is therefore unable to find an object suitable for narcissistic mirroring. He is unable to find someone who bears his likeness, a "twin." The character Frankenstein suffered from extreme feelings of isolation. The editor of one edition of the novel states that Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein" "offers searching illumination of the human condition in its portrayal of a scientist who oversteps the bounds of conscience, and of a monster brought to life in an alien world, ever more desperately attempting to escape the torture of his solitude."

The phrase "I notice I never read about him in the alumni newsletter" is a quote from the Seinfeld episode, "The Marine Biologist."]

8-5-02 Here's a heads-up on the next big scandal that's going to rock the country-- Sexual abuse by accountants, with Arab-sounding names. You heard it here first.

8-6-02 Nothing to report. Slow news day.

8-7-02 I'll tell you what I think are my two main characteristics:

--I'm dependent
--I'm very good-looking

I suppose you could say that I'm a parasite to behold!

8-8-02 Did Dr. Sadoff ever tell your friends that his cousin, Norman Carroll, was for many years, the concertmaster of the Philadelphia Orchestra? If you talk to Norm, tell him I used to live across the street from the Academy [of Music on Locust Street in Philadelphia], and used to go to concerts all the time -- many of them I can still remember. I think one of the most memorable was when the Orchestra just got back from its European tour in Sept 1982. They played the Brahms 2nd under Muti -- magnificent performance -- the audience went wild.

[Robert L. Sadoff, MD, is a nationally-prominent forensic psychiatrist who used to be associated with the Temple University Law School Unit in Law and Psychiatry. My sister worked as a secretary at the unit while she attended college at Temple. I met Dr. Sadoff when I was thirteen years old.

The phrase "the audience went wild" is a quote from the Seinfeld episode, "The Marine Biologist."]

8-9-02 Here's some background information for Dr. Sadoff and his cousin Normal Carroll. It concerns the internationally-renowned conductor Claudio Abbado. During World-War II, Abbado's parents hid a Jewish kid from the fascists, in their house. Abbado's parents were R.G.'s [Righteous Gentiles] (if you don't get it, you don't get it.) Dr. Sadoff belongs to an organization that gives recognition to R.G.'s.

8-12-02 JOE'S FRUIT STAND -- PART II

LIBRARIAN: If you need help with the computer, I can walk you through it.

FREEDMAN: Help? How can you help me?

LIBRARIAN: I can show you how to press those buttons, buddy.

FREEDMAN: How much time do I get?

LIBRARIAN: 70 minutes.

FREEDMAN: What if it's enough already, and I just wanna get some sleep?

[Parody of a Seinfeld episode.]

8-13-02 Message for Brian -- You seemed put off by me yesterday, Brian -- Was it my breath, my deodorant, or what? You were so friendly last week. What happened? You need to bring that little green monster under control.

8-14-02 Message for Glickman-- Hey man, where's my food stamp re-certification. I'm just a poor, helpless psychotic -- or so your partners say. If you ask me, the correct diagnosis is paranoid scamophrenia -- But just who is doing the scam? By the way, have you talked to Ronnie lately-- What did he think of his uncle Alex? How is Ronnie enjoying his retirement?

[Yellow post-it note attached to page stating:] Message to self-- 1. Put on toupee / 2. Part the Red Sea

[Refers to retired California state court Judge Ronald Schoenberg, son of the great 20th century composer Arnold Schoenberg (who wrote an opera titled "Moses and Aaron.") Judge Schoenberg's uncle was the composer Alexander Zemlinsky. Judge Schoenberg fined O.J. Simpson for spousal abuse in 1989. Yellow note message is a joking reference to the actor Charlton Heston who had recently announced that he suffered from Alzheimer's disease. Heston had portrayed the biblical Moses in "The Ten Commandments." (The note reflects anger about Heston's rude comments concerning President Clinton's gun control policies.) The reference to Moses may be an allusion to the Family Romance fantasy. Moses was the son of lowly Hebrews but was raised by an Egyptian Princess.]

8-15-02 Hey Glickman, What's the deal with mad cow disease? I don't get it -- like cows don't have a right to be mad? They've been herded, confined, slaughtered, milked dry -- and then there's McDonald's -- Don't even get me started on that. My point is, after five thousand years of this -- wouldn't you be Mad? On another matter -- Happy Birthday, Big Bro. -- Time to mark off another year on the calendar, Tristan-man.

["Big Bro" refers to Vernon Jordan, whose birthday is 8-15. The reference to cows and McDonald's ("Old MacDonald had a farm") may be a reference to "sheep fuckers," a possible allusion to a Family Romance fantasy. Oedipus, the son of a king, was banished by his father at birth, and raised by a lowly shepherd. Note that Vernon Jordan is a black man of humble origins
who worked his way to the highest levels of a white-dominated society: suggesting the issue of a man alienated from his origins, like Oedipus himself. The character Tristan, like Oedipus, lost his father in childhood ("Is this the meaning then, you old pathetic shepherd's tune, of all your sighing, pastoral sound? -- On evening's breeze it sadly rang when, as a child, my father's death-news chilled me." Tristan and Isolde, Act III, Scene 1.) Incidentally, "Tristan" was Leonard Bernstein's favorite Wagner opera.]

8-16-02 LUNCH AT TOPPIE'S

FREEDMAN: Try a piece of this pie. It's really good.

GLICKMAN: (shakes head).

FREEDMAN: No, really. It's delicious. Try some.

GLICKMAN: (shakes head.)

FREEDMAN: Do you not like pie? Are you averse to pastry? Tell me! I have to know!

GLICKMAN: Well, if you really must know, I once had a bad pie experience.

FREEDMAN: Apple? Peach?

GLICKMAN: Boysenberry.

[As Clinton Administration Agriculture Secretary, Glickman was the victim of a pie toss by an angry protester.]

8-10-02 So, how is Sally MacVey doing these days?

[MacVey was a coworker at The Franklin Institute.]

8-20-02 JOE'S FRUIT STAND -- PART III

FREEDMAN: Give me my youth back!

RUBENSTEIN: No.

FREEDMAN: Please!

RUBENSTEIN: No!

FREEDMAN: I can make it happen this time. I know I can make it happen. Give me half an hour. -- 15 minutes -- Give me 15 minutes. I know I could turn my life around.

RUBENSTEIN: No!

FREEDMAN: You don't want it to happen. That's it.

RUBENSTEIN: No, that's not it. You know what rejuvenation does to a friendship? It kills it.

[Parody of a Seinfeld episode and Goethe's "Faust." Faust entreats Mephistopheles to restore his lost youth, that is, he asks Mephistopheles to recapture lost time.]

8-21-02 Message for Brian and Velvel-- Your friend Lori was in top form yesterday (8-20-02). Not only was she using someone else's time on the computer, but then she sees another patron (Raaj?) using a cell phone. She asks to borrow it to make a call. The patron gives it to her. Then later, she asks to borrow it again! She's like a butterfly going from flower to flower,-- if there's nectar, she has to take a taste.

8-22-02 Here's somebody to look into: LINDA BUSHYEAGER. She worked at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia in the same office with my mother. She used to edit air pollution abstracts. She was half-Jewish.

8-23-02 Sunday is Lenny's birthday -- 84 years of Lenny.

[Refers to Leonard Bernstein, who died in 1990. The last piece Bernstein conducted, weeks before his death, was the Beethoven Seventh Symphony (coincidentally, like the Prelude to "Tristan," a musical work in the key of A). It was noted, in retrospect, that the tempos Bernstein took were ever so slow, as if he sensed it was his valedictory: as if he wanted, like Faust, to prolong the moment -- the sublime moment. Years earlier, in the Harvard Norton Lectures (1973), Bernstein conducted the Prelude and so-called "Love Death" from Wagner's Tristan and Isolde, and afterwards said to the audience: "I don't think I ever conducted Tristan so slowly. It's as if all the clocks in the world had stopped and we are operating only on Wagner's clock, a celestial clock."] (I am reminded at this moment of Isaiah 25: "He will destroy death forever.")]

8-26-02 I think I saw [former assistant building manager] Bonnie Jensen this morning. I'm hallucinating again. All I can say is -- if I start seeing [former building manager] Elaine Wranik -- well, I don't even want to go there.

8-26-02 I'm comfortable around Brian because, for one thing, I'm very comfortable with my own sexuality. I wonder, though, if Brian isn't a little uncomfortable having an overtly straight man as a friend.

8-27-02 Here's an odd recollection: GARY COHEN. He played the violin in my high school orchestra in my freshman year (1967-1968). I never saw him after that. All I remember is that I heard him playing on one occasion and I was impressed. That's odd, isn't it?

Cohen is not listed in my high school yearbook. He must have transferred out of the school. He had light hair -- maybe the whole thing is homosexual on my part. He had an outgoing manner. -- (How many pages do you think David Rosenbaum has added to his resume in the last week?)

8-28-02

FOR THE CHAPTER: "DON'T YOU MISS THE OLD DAYS?"

FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT: I just have one goal. And it's to get those three the hell out of here.

MARTIN, BARTON & FISH: We thought we were running this game? We weren't running anything.

[Parody of "Big Brother 2." Martin, Barton, and Fish were nemeses of FDR.]

8-29-02 You need to convey this message to Brian. "CPK" is always acquiring new books. There's always a ton of new books. But you don't seem to add that much to your CD collection. You need to start buying new CD's on a regular basis. The hell with new books. You already got plenty of books.

8-30-02 Message for Brian -- Listen, guy, -- Don't let anybody tell you that size doesn't matter. Your's is just so small, I can't get any real satisfaction. Down at MLK, -- The brothers down there -- HUGE, MAN, F'ING HUGE. I don't even think I could fit the whole thing in. My apartment is too small. You really need to increase the size of your CD collection.

9-2-02 / 9-3-02 Good Old Times from the Grand Old Party -- "The Floridian & The Texan"

KATHERINE HARRIS: A lot of these people have no idea of the things that I've done in my life. And, OK, yea, I mean, OK, we can't go as far as the 2000 vote count incident, although that was just the tip of the iceberg. There are so many other little, just nasty, little psychological games, if that's the way they want to play. I was gonna be quiet.

JEB BUSH: I'm scared of you.

KATHERINE HARRIS: No, I was just gonna be quiet, and you said I should say something.

JEB BUSH: You are the baddest bitch. I'm horrified of you. You're so damn scary. [Both laugh.]

[Parody of "Big Brother 2.." Refers to the Florida Secretary of State, Katherine Harris and her role in the election year 2000 vote count affair in that state.]

9-4-02 I thought we were going to get a new exercise room. The room, as it is now, is unbearably hot, at times. To tell you the truth, I'd rather work out in hell -- they say it's a different kind of heat.

[Note the implied relationship between the content and locale of the message on 9-2-03 and the express reference to hell in the message on 9-4: evidence that the messages from day to day are associations to each other.]

9-5-02 This afternoon marks 33 years of Rubenstein. Need I say more? By the way, some Romanian Jews claim they discovered a new chemical element. Its chemical symbol is "Nu?"

[I first saw Rubenstein in chemistry lab on September 5, 1969, in high school. Rubenstein went to Florida on spring break in 1970. In an earlier message I associated Rubenstein to Goethe's Mephistopheles (the devil). Rubenstein attended Penn State.]

9-6-02 More for the chapter: "I Can't Believe I Remember this Crap!"

1. In my second year at college at the Ogontz campus of Penn State, I took a course in Eastern Philosophy (Buddhism, Taoism, etc.) taught by George F. Rieman. This was in the spring term, 1973. One day Dr. Rieman was out, and another philosophy instructor Priscilla Cohn filled in for him. This was my only contact with Priscilla Cohn. At the beginning of the class Miss Cohn (she was a young babe) called the roll. I remember her calling out the name "Malove." Malove was a guy in the class about whom I have absolutely no recollection. He's not in my college yearbook. I don't know what he looks like. The only reason I remember the name is that when Priscilla Cohn stated the name "Malove" -- she laughed, and said, "Oh, does anyone ever say "Mi-love" (like the British term of endearment -- like "Have some more tea, mi-love"). Malove said, "Yes, sometimes." My head is full of junk like that.

2. My freshman year in high school (1967-1968), my homeroom teacher was Barbara Sandler. I can recall that directly across the hall Miss Schubert (later Mrs. Miller) had a tenth-grade homeroom class. I had a thing for Miss Schubert. -- Nothing sexual, of course.

9-9-02 I have a message for Alex [Bernstein]. Listen, Alex, I've been watching tape #5 of Pops' "Unanswered Question" where he lectures on 20th Century music. This is probably just a coincidence, but two of the works Pops plays have something in common. Alban Berg wrote his violin concerto in memory of Manon Gropius, who had died at age 18. She was Alma Mahler's daughter. Then the final movement of the Mahler 9th Symphony -- at the end it contains a brief quote from one of the [Mahler's] Kindertotenlieder --Thought to be a reference to Mahler's deceased daughter.

9-10-02 Yesterday (9-9) they checked for leaks, as you know. As you can hear, the toilet still leaks -- constantly. Apparently the WRIT engineer needs a hearing aid.

9-10-02 (BONUS ISSUE) MESSAGE FOR THE PM -- Did you know that it was the Jews themselves who were behind the surprise attack on Israel in 1973 -- the so-called Yom Kippur War? PROOF: Tens of thousands of Jews didn't show up for work that day-- The Bastards!

[Refers to allegation that Jews were behind the 9/11 attack because, supposedly, many Jews did not show up for work at The Twin Towers on 9/11.]

9-11-02 This is my twin towers memorial. I'm living proof of the saying -- "More people live off of anti-Semitism than die of it." As Alex Zapruder would say: "There's no business like Shoah business." And to all you Jews out there who didn't show up at work on 9-11-02 -- Be advised -- the jig is up.

[Attached are the check stubs for rental payments for October 2002 and November 2002. Originally, the entire checks were attached, vertically, to symbolize the twin towers.

Alex Zapruder is romantically involved with my old friend Craig Dye. She wrote a book about the Holocaust, and has worked at the Holocaust Museum.]

Message for Rubenstein: Listen, Rubenstein, you should have tried Prime Minister of Italy. Those guys serve about three months, at most, get voted out of office, then do nothing but collect a pension. Come to think of it, I should have run for Prime Minister of Italy.

[Rubenstein's stated career ambition in high school was to be Prime Minister of Kenya.]

9-12-02 I had my first meeting yesterday afternoon (9-11) with my new psychiatrist, Dr. Betsy Cooper. Right away, I'm not having good feelings about her. She insisted that Medicare covers routine physical exams, lab work, etc. SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT. I have a pamphlet from Medicare saying that Medicare doesn't cover routine physicals. I have to question her competence generally. I may have to file a complaint.

9-16-02 / 10 Tishri 57(whatever) Today is the Jewish Day of Atonality -- A day on which key signatures are strictly forbidden. Support your local tone row!

[Refers to the Jewish holiday, Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. Atonality is a type of music created by the composer Arnold Schoenberg.]

9-17-02 Here's somebody to look into: FREDRIC WEISS. Central High School, 230th class (1971). We were in the same English class in 9th grade (Ming the Merciless). He won't remember me. He sat in front of the window near Michael Shapiro. What I remember is that he once had with him a Hebrew text -- a volume of the Talmud (or something) -- and Ming wanted to see it. By the way, does Shapiro still have his pitching arm, or did it turn into a billing arm. That's what happened to Bob Strauss very early on -- His pitching arm turned into a billing arm. Strauss's arm is useless for anything else. President Carter once asked Strauss to help build a "Habitat for Humanity House" -- Strauss said: "No, Mr. President, I need my arm for billing. -- If I injure my arm, I'm finished -- like Isaac Stern."

[The late violinist, Isaac Stern, has a daughter who is a rabbi. One wonders, given the context, whether the conscious association to the arm carries an implied association to the use of tephillin.]

9-18-02 TENNESSEE POLITICIANS SPEAK OUT ON THE USE OF THEIR CHILDREN TO FURTHER THEIR CAREERS:

KENT: I am not going to play the sympathy card and say, "Oh, my kids need money, and all of this." I don't want people to think I'm sitting here using my children to try to get further in the game. I wouldn't want my children used for that, and I'm certainly not going to do that. --

Then there's the case of Al Gore at the 1992 DNC Convention -- We won't go into that.

9-19-02 Have you ever seen Salvador Dali's portrait of Melanie Klein? I think it's called: "The Persistence of Mammary."

[Klein was a famous psychoanalyst who placed great importance on the young child's internal psychological representation of the mother's breast.]

9-20-02 Dennis ("Victor Frankenstein") Race: IT'S ALIVE, IT'S ALIVE! AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, IT'S STILL A-L-I-V-E!

[Refers to my latest "Campaign dirty tricks." An earlier message referred to my identification with the Frankenstein monster, who suffered painful isolation. This message indicates that I view Dennis Race ("my creator, Victor Frankenstein") as the cause of my problems. The word "Victor," in this context, is a play on words. Dennis Race was victorious in my case before the Court of Appeals.

9-23-02 BONUS ISSUE Akin Gump Management Committee Discloses for First Time: [Attached is portion of cover of a news magazine with the headline:] How We Helped Create Saddam.

[Refers to my personal identification with Saddam Hussein as someone who seemed virtually immune to adversity and the aggression of the great powers.]

9-23-02 Dennis ("George Bush") Race [referring to Saddam Hussein]: It's the same old song and dance we've heard for the last eleven long years. And on the War Front: German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder agrees to Bush war plan ONLY in the event Saddam threatens world supply of Grecian formula. Attorney General John Ashcroft responds to statements of German Justice Minister-- ASHCROFT: Schroeder's tactics are the same ones used by Liberace.

[German Chancellor Schroeder opposed President Bush's plans for war with Iraq, and charged that the President's tactics were the same ones used by Hitler. Schroeder has been accused of using hair dye (like the entertainer Liberace).]

9-24-02 Dennis ("King Richard") Race: A blood-test, a blood test -- my law license for a blood test!

[A parody of "A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse." My psychiatrist wanted me to have a physical, and I refused. I wrote a letter of complaint to Eric H. Holder, Esq., at Covington & Burling. In September 2002 I had been assigned to a new psychiatrist, Betsy Jane Cooper, MD, who I experienced as coercive. Note that I discharged my anger with fantasies of aggression against Dennis Race, as usual.]

9-25-02 Message for my friends at Akin Gump-- I hope you don't take any of this personally. It's not personal. I love each of you. This is a game. I'm in this thing to win a half-million dollars. It's just a game that we all signed on the dotted line to play. And I hope that when it's all over, we can all get together for lunch and have a couple of laughs -- assuming there's a public cafeteria at the Federal Facility at Marion, Ohio.

[Parody of statement made by "Big Brother 2" contestant, Hardy Ames Hill to fellow contestants.]

9-26-02 Yesterday (9-25) I attempted to hand over to my psychologist a body of documents that I'm certain would be scrutinized carefully by law enforcement or the U.S. Attorney's Office in the event I was involved in something of criminal interest. I am concerned that Dr. Shaffer refused to accept the documents -- that could pose problems for Doc Shaffer down the road in the event I "pull a Brutus." I have to tell you: I still have fantasies relating to the assassination of a foreign head of state. I've had these thoughts for a long time. Elliott R. Feldman, Esq. -- an attorney in Philadelphia, can certify that I have had these thoughts since way back. As you know I have been under investigation by the Secret Service. Dennis Race diagnosed a "disorder" in me (that still dominates my thinking) that might be associated with a potential for violence. I have been interrogated with regard to an allegation that [redacted].

9-27-02 By the way -- A Happy birthday greeting to Sheryl Dyner! I thought of something this morning while I was masturbating. The Corporation Counsel cited evidence that an incident in work on Friday April 13, 1990 caused me to think of masturbation. There is NO EVIDENCE in the record that those private thoughts occurred simultaneous with the incident. I very well may have thought about masturbation after working hours, off the firm's premises. -- I plan to put that in my letters to employers. "The Corporation Counsel cites evidence that my private, undisclosed thoughts about masturbation (without regard to whether those thoughts arose during working hours on firm premises) were material to Dennis Race's decision to terminate my employment." --That gives a reasonable basis for me to state to a prospective employer -- "I may have a duty to disclose that I sometimes think about masturbation at home on weekends in connection with my thoughts about coworkers." Advice to Dennis Race: Sue the District! Dennis: Just wait till I start sending these letters to federal judges.

[Sheryl Dyner was a coworker at The Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. She earned a B.S. in Biology at Penn State in May 1975; we were in the same graduating class.]

9-30-02 Roseanne once said: "Those who can, -- do. Those who can't, -- teach. Those who can't teach, -- teach gym. And those who can't teach gym, -- become experts." -- Akin Gump consulted not one, but two "experts" before they fired me. What does that tell you?

10-01-02 This is a bombshell-- I finally got evidence,-- as Mayor LaGuardia once said-- "Yes, I have the proof!"

These are the facts in chronological order.

In September 1989 I visited the Sheppard-Pratt employee Assistance Program -- on two occasions. On my second visit I provided the counselor Xerox copies of printed material relating to anti-Semitism. I said I was having problems in the workplace [at Akin Gump] relating to anti-Semitism.

One of the things I supplied was a copy of page 476 of Fritz Stern's book "Gold and Iron." That page discuses anti-Semitism in Germany in the 19th century. I have written, in marginalia on that page, "Uns bleibt ein erdenrest" -- "traces of asbestos" -- It's a quote from Goethe's "Faust" -- (Part II -- Final Scene), the quote is used in the Mahler 8th Symphony.

In 1993 the movie "Schindler's List" was released -- directed by Steven Spielberg.

In July 1993, I went to Sheppard Pratt to get a copy of the contents of my mental health file -- part of my investigation for my lawsuit against Akin Gump. I noticed that there was no record WHATSOEVER of my second visit to the Sheppard Pratt counselor in September 1989 -- The session I submitted the written materials about anti-Semitism. Not only was there no record of the visit, but the written materials themselves were not in the file (including the Fritz Stern page). That was odd, and possibly improper.

In 1999 I saw the movie "Schindler's List" on TV for the first time. I noted that a prominent melody in the movie score was identical to a seven note phrase from Mahler's Eighth Symphony. I thought it was probably more than merely coincidental.

Now, in 2002, you know, I've become obsessed with "Iron Man" Rubenstein and "Mr. Gold" ("Faust"). I've been listening over and over to Mahler's 8th Symphony. A few days ago, I had a Eureka moment. The seven note theme from "Schindler's List" appears in the Mahler 8th Symphony at -- YOU GUESSED IT -- at the very words "Uns bleibt ein Erdenrest" -- the chorus of the more-perfect angels. (The melody also introduces the words "infirma nostri corporis" from Part I of the symphony).

Spielberg, you son of a bitch, you stole my idea -- as if my ideas were nothing more than an old man's used cabana wear! "Schindler's List," my ass. The movie should be called "Swindler's List." You're going to hear from my lawyer!

10-02-02 Ten years ago today I saw [Akin Gump paralegal] Jennifer Meader for the last time (on Connecticut Avenue). I remember it was a Friday -- I had an appointment with Dr. Palombo, arranged by Napoleon Bonaparte [Cuenco], that afternoon -- beautiful warm, sunny day. (10/01) A hushed, reserved quality in the library. I have the idea that my letter to Eric triggered the fire alarm. Somebody left the following magazine in the magazine exchange in the library. "Secrets of Ancient Materials." -- A reference to the Record on Appeal [in Freedman v. Akin, Gump, Hauer & Feld]?

[Attached is cover of the magazine "Science News," January 19, 2002 issue. Features a photo of an ancient Egyptian statue with the caption "Secrets of Ancient Materials."]

10-3-02 Spring 1972 -- I took an introductory course in English with an instructor named Ellen Furman at Penn State's Abington campus. We read Hemingway stories, "The Great Gatsby," The Grand Inquisitor (from "The Brothers"), and some black writer (I forget who -- it was an account of his feelings in prison.) -- and Faulkner's "As I Lay Dying." Ellen introduced me to Faulkner. Little did Ellen know I would turn into the greatest "writer" of the 21st century.

[Ellen Furman still teaches at the Abington Campus of Penn State.]

10-3-02 Message for Dracula-- Every molecule of hemoglobin contains four atoms of iron. "Jewish hemoglobin" contains only 3 atoms of iron. --The lengths those people will go to to cheat vampires of their just due!

10-4-02 JOE'S FRUIT STAND - CONTINUED

DR. COOPER: How are you doing on your medication? You look contented, you have a very contented air.

FREEDMAN: I AM contented. But then, I'm an enigma.

(Sorry for the mess -- But I'm in the middle of big ideas whose time has come.)

[Parody of a Seinfeld episode.]

10-7-02 Here's somebody I can remember from way back, when I lived up North, among the Yankees. DENA SHER. She worked at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. We shared an office for a time. She was middle-aged, and was fluent in French. She mentioned on one occasion that her husband was reading a book on the impeachment of President Andrew Johnson.

10-8-02 Message for Julie [Chen, host of the CBS-TV reality series "Big Brother"]-- Listen, Jules, what America wants to know is whether Eric and Lisa ever hooked up, and whether Eric ever gave Lisa the big one (as they say south of the border, "El Grande"). That's what we want to know -- not the crap you report on. What the hell do you do all day? Even David Gregory gets his eyebrows plucked faster than you! And THAT guy works for NBC!!

10-9-02 Last night on the CBS Evening News, Dan Rather reported the death of Len Raff, a longtime CBS film guy. You know, Mitch Oppenheim works for CBS News in New York. I wonder if that's the same Mitch Oppenheim who graduated Penn State in May 1975 with a degree in film -- seems plausible. Mitch liked the "Frauleins." [The yearbook] says he's from Jericho, NY. Attended Hofstra? Maybe Gary Rubin, Ph.D. was one of his teachers.

[Gary Rubin was an Akin Gump attorney who used to teach English at Hofstra.]

10-10-02 I worked things out with my psychiatrist, Dr. Cooper. I'll be getting my blood tests from the District health clinic. It's like that brother once said: "Can we all just get along?" Anyway I had an uncanny moment last night watching John Fenn being interviewed on TV about winning the Nobel Prize in chemistry (for developing a process for weighing heavy molecules, like proteins (hemoglobin?)). He talked about his love of working with students -- He said he gets a lot out of it. Then, startlingly, he used a metaphor -- He said "I guess I'm like a vampire, feeding off the blood of my students." -- Amazing, huh?

[See message on 10-3-02.]

This completes all of the entries for the diary I kept during the period June 2001 to August 2003. I write these words at sundown, December 19, 2004 -- as winter's darkest evenings fast approach.

-- EPILOGUE --


The way in which Beethoven matured inwardly under the hard trials and blows of fate is evident, above all, from his last recorded utterances. On the 14th March 1827, barely a fortnight before his death, he wrote to Ignaz Moscheles in London: " . . . Indeed, a hard lot has fallen upon me! But I resign myself to the will of destiny, and only ask God constantly to grant through His divine will that, so long as I must still suffer death in life here, I am protected from penury. This will give me the strength to bear my lot, however hard and grievous, with resignation to the will of the Almighty." It is recorded that, as he lay dying, he said, "Plaudite, amici, comoedia finita." "Applaud, friends, the comedy is finished." In the sketches for the Missa Solemnis, among the drafts for the mighty Fugue at the end of theCredo the same thought is found: "Applaudite amici!" Here, at the words "et vitam venturi saeculi," there comes to the fore the fundamental idea which gave Beethoven strength in all the trials and tribulations of his life: the sufferer sees a gleam of radiant light -- the hope of life everlasting. This light, and awe before the last and eternal things, brighten the depths of Beethoven's life and work.






















10-11-02 I'm going to pick up my meds today. I'm starting on a new anti-psychotic medication (Risperdal). I'll be taking my first dose tonight. Just wait till Monday morning when you'll be seeing significant changes in me. I may even stop writing to you altogether. I can see the prospect for a whole new life opening up for me. Maybe I'll find a job and get myself a girlfriend -- or to put it more vividly -- my aim is to get paid and [get] laid.


10-14-02 / 10-15-02 Did you hear President Bush say that war with Iraq is not a certainty -- only the build-up to war is a certainty? I'm thinking that's a lot like sex when you're on Zoloft: Only the build-up to the shooting is a certainty -- even though the final shot may never be fired. Personally, I'm a pro-war hawk! Let's get rubbers for the standing army!!


10-16-02 Message for Brian -- You were really nice to me yesterday Brian -- and I appreciate that -- I know that, for you, being a nice person can be difficult -- But you went the extra step. One other thing. -- Why did you let Lori use the remainder of somebody else's time on the computer yesterday? You know that's what she did. She makes arrangements with people to use their time. -- "Are you planning to use all your time?" -- "Could I use the rest of your time if you're planning to leave before your time is up?" That's what she does.


[Lori was a troublesome library patron who used to get into disputes, and an occasional serious argument, with librarian William Dacosta about the use of the libraries' public computers. It was my belief that Brian Brown had substantial cause to ban Lori from access to the public computers. Brian Brown did not take any action against Lori.]


10-17-02 Message for Aida Epstein -- Today is the anniversary of Frederic Chopin's death -- like you care! On another front-- Tuesday (10-15-02), in the magazine exchange, at the library, they left in the magazine exchange the attached "Be Careful what you wish For" -- I see this as a taunt -- "You might lose your Social Security if you get a criminal investigation." [Attached is the front cover of "AAA World" (September/October 2002 issue) featuring a photograph of the face of a bear with the caption: "Be Careful What You Wish For: Most of the 10 million people who visit Great Smoky Mountains National Park each year are hoping to see bears in the natural environment."]


10-18-02 Somebody's birthday falls around this time. But I can never remember. I know it's somebody's birthday Oct 18 or Oct 19. Who could that be?


[Message refers to Robert S. Strauss.]


10-21-02 So what's the story with Jeffrey Lieberson ([apartment] 138); he has a mezuzah on his door. He's into baseball in a big way. Maybe he's one of Malcolm's relatives. Wouldn't surprise me. [Attached is an address label from a magazine mailed to Lieberson.] Bob Strauss on the "Briefs vs. Boxers" controversy. -- "My boys are independent. Always have been. They don't need any support from Big Daddy." So here's what happened in the library on Friday afternoon (10/18). Sally was on the computer. Brian was fixing something in the Xerox machine. He was bending down, with his hand in the machine. Sally said to him-- "Do you want me to try [to help]? I have smaller hands." Then Brian said he fixed it. (He was talking in what I considered an affected tone of voice -- friendly, sexy). Then Sally started to clap (once again -- the hands). She glanced at me (I was on the other computer), as if she wanted to gauge my reaction to her clapping. I noticed on the "Return to Stacks" cart. They were placed prominently. One -- a book on "palm-held" computers (palm = hand + a tropical tree) (Rubenstein?). Two -- another on Winston S. Churchill (The Prime Minister) (Rubenstein?)


[Sally was a library volunteer, who used to water the plants in the library. She was a retiree who had worked in the computer field. I believe she had access to Brian Brown's office. Obviously, from the above entry, I also believed Sally received confidential information about me from library staff.


Perry Rubenstein was in my graduating class at Central High School (230th class, 1971). In the yearbook he stated as his career ambition, "Prime Minister of Kenya." He went to Florida on spring break in 1970 (in the 11th grade); and was forced to stay an extra week because he couldn't get transportation home. On about Thursday, the week following spring break, my chemistry teacher said (suddenly) -- in the middle of a lecture -- "Where is Rubenstein? I haven't seen him all week?" On one occasion Rubenstein called me a "fag." I used to talk a lot about Rubenstein with my then treating psychologist, Dr. Nancy Shaffer. Rubenstein assumed importance for me while I was writing my autobiography in adulthood. I noticed that references to the pianist Arthur Rubinstein were consistently associated with the theme of "lateness to arrive." I do not know what Rubenstein does. The Internet has numerous entries for a "Perry Rubenstein Gallery" in New York City. (There are many homosexuals in the art field. I had a feeling that Rubenstein secretly liked me -- in a manly way, of course.)


Jeffrey Lieberson, my neighbor, works as press secretary for Congressman Steven Rothman (D-NJ). He graduated from New York University in about the year 2000.]


10-22-02 THE BARBECUE


JIANG ZEMIN: I no wear cowboy hat. Make me look ridicurous.


PRESIDENT BUSH: But you have to wear it. There's a factory in Shanghai manufacturing these as we speak.


JIANG ZEMIN: There's factory making THESE?


PRESIDENT BUSH: Yes! It makes you look like a cowboy.


JIANG ZEMIN: But I don't want to look like cowboy!


[Jiang Zemin was the Chinese head of state. President Bush had presented Jiang Zemin with a cowboy hat during a state visit. The message is a parody of a Seinfeld episode, "The Puffy Shirt," which features the line: "You ruined me, you ruined my career."]


On another front-- Overheard at Akin Gump Management Committee meeting: [Following is cut out from a "Vanity Fair" magazine article about baseball player Pete Rose:] "How did it all go so fucking bad?" (Pete Rose quote)


[Pete Rose was a client of an Akin Gump partner, the criminal defense attorney John Dowd, Esq. Several years ago I saw Dowd chatting with Steptoe & Johnson attorney, Reid Weingarten, Esq. about a block from Akin Gump's office. Weingarten is a close personal friend of former U.S. Attorney and Deputy U.S. Attorney General Eric H. Holder, Jr., Esq. (Covington & Burling). I have seen Weingarten several times in downtown Washington. Each time he stared intently at me as if he recognized me; on occasion he had a look of pity or concern. (The thought is a paranoid idea of reference).


10-22-02 BONUS Message for Rubenstein: --I notice "Art & Antiques" (6-2002) left you out of its feature on New York Art dealers. Maybe you're not an art dealer after all. By the way, what do you think of that TV show -- "Antiques Roadshow" -- I think it's a scam. There aren't that many antiques in the world! It's like all those baseballs "autographed" by Pete Rose. Rubenstein, do you know Brad Shar? He's better looking than you.


[Attached is front cover of June 2002 issue of "Art & Antiques" captioned: "Young Ambition: NYC's Next Generation of Dealers, Part II." Cover features photo of eight New York art dealers, including Brad Shar. I do not know who Brad Shar is.]


10-22-02 DOUBLE BONUS I've formed a tentative theory-- That Mahler's 8th Symphony may be a giant set of variations on Mahler's song "Liebst Du Um Schonheit." There is at least one prominent direct quote from the song (at the words "Erleuchtet mein bedurftige Hertz"). Both the 8th Symphony and the song are dedicated to Mahler's wife.


10-23-02 Message for "The Management Committee"-- A lawyer who gets another lawyer disbarred is twice a lawyer. [Paraphrase of the homosexual French writer Jean Genet's famous observation: "A man who fucks a man is twice a man."] Anyway, here are some paranoid impressions I've been picking up: They have clinical significance, and are offered for assessment purposes. Monday at the library, I had the notion that the staff were trying to elicit a paranoid response from me. But I don't feel very confident about that impression. Also, Monday -- Charles Davis (a brother) smiled at me broadly when he saw me -- It seemed like he couldn't wipe the smile off his face. Then, yesterday, Tuesday (10-22) Brian was back. (By the way, Brian -- thanks for all this blank paper) (He wasn't there on Monday). He seemed "chastened" -- He wasn't in a receptive mood. I don't know what that was in connection with (maybe he hasn't gotten any lately). Picking up signals about rock bands -- I wonder if David Bowie still works for the Bureau. (Also, what about Jimmie Carter?) Seems like a lot of famous people work at the DC Field Office.


10-24-02 I think I actually have my psychologist, Dr. Shaffer, thinking I'm really psychotic. I guess I've got HER fooled. She doesn't seem to appreciate the fact that I REALLY am sensitive to what's going on -- that, for example, Malcolm broke into my apartment. I have her believing that my beliefs are actually "psychotic" symptoms. She's so naive. By the way, Ignacio, I had sexy feelings about you yesterday. Sorry, amigo, I don't like guys with facial hair. Look elsewhere for tongue action.


[Ignacio [last name?] used to work at the circulation desk at the library.]


10-25-02 I just received my high school alumni journal (Fall 2002). Check out Richard Rappaport, M.D. (202 graduating class). The notice says he's a forensic psychiatrist and associate clinical professor at UCSD, who has testified in high profile serial murder cases. Maybe he can provide insight into my potential for serial disbarment of management partners at large law firms. [Attached is blurb on Rappaport.] I still have fantasies relating to the assassination of a foreign head of state. Did Elliott Feldman give you any useful background info about that?


[Elliott Feldman, now a lawyer in Philadelphia, sat next to me in ninth-grade English class in high school; the class read Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar" in January 1968. The ancient Roman emperor Julius Caesar is the referenced assassinated "foreign head of state." The statement was made to show how easy it is to play with the heads of law enforcement, by clever use of language. The statement is an example of protected speech that, to a naive eye, can appear to be a threat.]


10-28-02 An Epic Adventure, Eleven Years in the Making: Siskel and Ebert Give it a "Thumbs-Up." Featuring Dennis Race, Larry (The "Hoff") Hoffman, Malcolm Lassman -- Plus a Panel of Experts! And Vernon Jordan in the Greatest Role of His Career IN


THE LACK OF FORESIGHT SAGA


--coming to a District Court near you. Here are some scenes from "Foresight"


DENNIS RACE: Well, I guess I didn't think ahead.


[The line "Well, I guess I didn't think ahead" is from a Seinfeld episode. The episode is about a corrupt dry-cleaner whose wife wears his customers' clothes. The episode features the line, "What, do you think the dry-cleaners is your own personal closet?"]


10-29-02 A There was a babe yakking away on her cell phone last night, for about 40 minutes, outside my window, from about 6:20 to 7:00 PM. I have to warn you about her (tell David Castleberry). She was talking about a leak in her closet that ruined a jacket of hers - and she wants to be compensated for dry-cleaning costs. She claims she's been ignored by maintenance. Something about the closet being sealed, her not having apartment insurance. Involvement of somebody named "Ron." Her mother is a lawyer. Watch out: She's a FUCKING pain in the ass. She seemed to be talking in an exaggerated loud voice, so that the whole world could hear her. Tell her she's a nuisance to other tenants.


10-29-02 B Here's what I'm picking up at the library -- through my sources. What the Feds are focusing on is the fact "Felix" (I call him Felix because of his legal brilliance) -- Felix didn't tell me he had learned that I suffered from a psychiatric "disorder" -- which prevented me from filing a claim with the firm's private insurer. Can you say FRAUD boys and girls?


[The name "Felix" (derived from Felix Frankfurter) refers to Dennis Race. It was in the fall of 2002 that I forwarded a letter to Eric H. Holder, Jr., Esq., at Covington & Burling requesting his pro bono representation. I had formed the paranoid impression, subsequently, that the letter to Holder triggered some inquiries of some kind.]


10-29-02 C Hey Rubenstein-- I'm putting you in my Hall of Frame! --Did I mention that Brad Shar is better looking than you?


10-29-02 D Could you tell David Castleberry -- a propos of the Halloween Party (I won't be there). Mr. Reuss used to have breakfasts -- I really liked them. I can still remember -- There was one on a Saturday in May 1996 and one on a Sunday in Nov 1999. How is Mr. Reuss?


[John Reuss was the resident manager at 3801 Connecticut Avenue from about 1993 to 2000; he was transferred to the Roosevelt Apartment Complex in Falls Church. The four messages posted on 10-29 (designated A, B, C, and D) appear to be a form of acting out, as if to say, "Do you think this medication is helping me?" I never had the impression that John Reuss entered my apartment surreptitiously.]


10-30-02 THE BRIS [The Circumcision]


RUBENSTEIN: I think he's in love with me. He never stops talking about me. I don't know why he's so obsessed with me. We were never close friends. We were never even friends, never even acquaintances.


MALCOLM: I thought you two played softball together.


RUBENSTEIN: We never played softball. Besides, he throws like a girl.


MALCOLM: He said you played softball together, that he was the pitcher and you were the catcher.


RUBENSTEIN: He told you we had a special relationship? Doesn't he have any closer friends? He's level-jumping on our chance association.


MALCOLM: Yes, he's level-jumping.


[The message is a parody of a Seinfeld episode, "The Bris."]


10-31-02 Quote of the Day: "The Hell with the Nobel Prize, -- I'm back, baby, I'm back!" [Refers to Walter Mondale's announcement that he would run for the U.S. Senate seat from Minnesota left vacant by the sudden, accidental death of Paul Wellstone (D-Mn.).] I told Dr. Shaffer yesterday about my fascination with Bruce Jay Stein -- and how he had a lot going on downtown.


[Stein was in my graduating class in college. I used to see him naked in the athletics department locker room.]


11-02-02 THE FANTASY CAMP


FRITZ MONDALE: I don't even NEED to campaign.


BOB STRAUSS: I don't NEED to bill clients.


DOUG GANSLER: I don't NEED to establish jurisdiction!


BOB STRAUSS: We were MADE for each other!!


[Refers to fact that Strauss is famous for not billing clients, unlike most lawyers; Mondale's last-minute run for the Senate; and Montgomery County State's Attorney Gansler's decision to prosecute the sniper shooter in Montgomery County despite the competing (and apparently superior) claims of prosecutors in other jurisdictions.]


11-04-02 I'm still taking my anti-psychotic meds. See the difference? Here's what I'm thinking. It's about Felix. Felix said (11 years ago -- I'm still caught up with the distant past) that my complaint of job harassment was consistent with a psychiatric disorder that can be associated with a risk of violent behavior. Here's a quote from "Narcissism: Denial of the True Self" by Alexander Lowen, M.D.: "There are successful psychopaths . . . brilliant, remorseless people with icy intelligence, incapable of love or guilt, with aggressive designs on the rest of the world." . . . "Instead of murdering others" . . . this person "might become a corporate raider and murder companies, firing people instead of killing them, chopping up their functions, rather than their bodies.'" (page 23) When you combine "The Felix Model" of violent potential with the above description of a type of psychopath you end up with the following assertion -- Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson's action in ordering the break-up of Microsoft is an action CONSISTENT WITH his being a psychopath, which can be associated with a risk of violence -- maybe as a public service I should warn Judge Jackson's colleagues.


11-05-02 This is scraping the bottom of the barrel. Here's someone who I remember being in my seventh-grade class (as you know Lillian Camaioni was the homeroom teacher and social studies teacher). The person's name was Andrew Applebaum. I don't remember anything specific about him. I think he had attended Elwood Elementary school. David Ellis [Central High School, 230th class, 1971] would have known him. I am simply making a report. To you, honored members of the board, I am simply making a report.


11-05-02 [Full page ad from magazine for the cologne "Lauder Pleasures for Men," depicting a male model who has a striking resemblance to my old friend Craig W. Dye; a female model is kissing his forehead; the caption reads -- "Capture the moment." I have written in a caption that I attribute to the female: "Sweetheart, Gramps wants you to smile for the camera." Capture the moment "and sell it to the Gov't."


[Refers to the Zapruder film of the Kennedy assassination. Dye was romantically involved with the granddaughter of Abraham Zapruder who filmed the assassination, and whose heirs sold the film to the federal government for $15 million.]


11-06-02 I write this not knowing whether Fritz won or lost -- I'm in a somber mood! I don't know whether I mentioned this before -- maybe I did. Susan Marks (Phila High School for Girls, 1970 -- 211th class) -- a classmate of mine in elementary school had a female cousin of the same age. I forget the cousin's name, but she was in my 7th grade class in junior high school with -- among others Andy Applebaum and David Ellis (who I mentioned yesterday). What I remember from elementary school is that Susan Marks' cousin's mother had died of cancer. (The cousin didn't go to the same elementary school as Miss Marks and I).


[Susan Marks had a genius-level IQ, having achieved a perfect score on an IQ test administered in sixth grade. I told a former treating psychiatrist, Dr. Stanley R. Palombo, about Marks in the year 1990. I believe Akin Gump managers promptly contacted Marks.]


11-06-02 Additional Thoughts. I have some additional thoughts about yesterday's election. What if Fritz Mondale lost? I'm devastated! His political career will be in shambles. He may never win political office again. -- And that campaign! The hours of backbreaking speeches. Handshaking -- baby-holding. -- A long, hard, campaign. To put that much energy into something and to see it go up in flames! My heart goes out to Fritz. He'll have to go back to his million-dollar law practice.


[Message is a humorous reference to the fact that Mondale spent, at most, all of two days campaigning for the Senate seat left vacant by the sudden death of incumbent Wellstone.]


11-07-02 Here's something for the chapter: "The Brilliance of Felix" Legal Argument: "We determined that his behavior was like that of a person with ideas of reference, and as a general proposition, ideas of reference can be associated with a risk of violence" -- Q.E.D. Freedman may be violent. Equivalent: Bob Strauss's old age is like a brilliant sunset. As a general principle, if you stare at the sun, you can go blind (proof -- Galileo). Q.E.D. -- If you stare at Bob Strauss long enough, you could go blind. Felix turned me into a metaphor ! ! !


11-07-02 I'm posting yesterday's notes. Unfortunately, Mr. Doug was doing his filter gig yesterday, so I thought it was prudent to not post the notes. I don't think Mr. Doug would understand. Would you believe I still don't know who won the Minnesota Senate race? In any event, I'm devastated by the election results. Republicans are taking over the whole country ! ! ! At least my old friend [former Philadelphia mayor and district attorney] Ed Rendell won [the gubernatorial seat] in Pennsylvania.


[I believe that Rendell knows who I am through Bob Strauss. Rendell was chairman of the Democratic National Committee in the year 2000; Strauss was a convention delegate that year. Several years ago (about 1997) I sent an attention-grabbing application letter to Rendell's wife, Marjorie Rendell, for a position as law clerk. Marjorie Rendell is a U.S. District Court Judge in Philadelphia (E.D. Pa.).]


11-08-02 I found out yesterday that Walter Mondale didn't win the senate race in Minnesota. To all you Minnesotans who didn't vote for Fritz, I have just one thing to say: GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL! By the way, 42 years ago today, a majority of Americans (barely) voted the right way. [Refers to the Nixon-Kennedy Presidential election of 1960.]


11-08-02 For the chapter: "Don't Try This At Home Boys and Girls -- Leave It To The Professionals"


FRITZ MONDALE: Maybe I should have had more time to campaign.


DOUG GANSLER: Maybe I should have had better facts and better law.


BOB STRAUSS: I still don't bill clients. I have no plans to.


11-11-2 / 11-12-02 Here's an interesting thing. Frank Gannon, Deputy to President Nixon's Press Secretary, Ron Ziegler, has a Ph.D. and is something of an expert on James Joyce. Reportedly, he said that listening to the Nixon tapes was like following James Joyce's novel, "Ulysses." Hey, Fleischer, who's your James Joyce expert?


[Ari Fleischer was press secretary to President George W. Bush.]


11-13-02 I heard President Bush say yesterday that the actions of the Iraqi Parliament are meaningless because it's just a rubber stamp organization-- An instance of presidential projection? Did you check out last week's election returns here in the States? I think the Republicans control both houses of Congress -- or was I dreaming?


11-14-02 Doctor Shaffer is really starting to "P Street " me off. I'm thinking of writing a new type of letter to a random attorney at the Justice Department.


Dear Sir:


Please help me. My situation is desperate. The Government of the District of Columbia together with various professional persons licensed by the DC Government have taken actions that would evince, to a reasonable person, that something terrible, egregious, outrageous, and execrable has been going on--


1. In August 1998, an employee of the District Government told the U.S. Capitol Police that I had [redacted]. Following an investigation the Capitol Police determined that the accusation was a simple mistake.


2. In February 1996, a psychiatrist licensed by the DC Gov't determined that I suffered from paranoid schizophrenia. It now appears that was a simple mistake.


3. In February 1999, a psychiatrist employed by the DC Gov't determined that I suffered from paranoid schizophrenia-- a simple mistake.


4. In September 1992 a psychiatrist licensed by the DC Gov't determined that I suffered from bi-polar disorder -- a simple mistake.


5. In October 1991, a psychiatrist licensed by the D.C. Government determined that someone with my behaviors could be [redacted]--a simple mistake.


6. In December 1997 (on Beethoven's birthday) an attorney employed by the DC Corporation Counsel advised the DC Court of Appeals that I admitted that my coworkers were afraid that I might "[redacted]" -- (that would include as a possible [redacted], Vernon Jordan -- a close friend of the President of the USA). A simple mistake.


7. During the summer of 2002, a Metro cop stopped and interrogated me at the Georgia Avenue Metro Station based on his probable cause determination that I [redacted]. A simple mistake.


8. In January 1998, my psychiatrist-- an individual licensed by the DC Gov't determined that I do not suffer from a mental illness for which medication was indicated - a simple mistake.


9. In September 1998, the D.C. Court of Appeals made a decision affirming a prior finding of the DC Dept of Human Right that I might reasonably be said to be [redacted]. The Court's decision was premised in part on the assumption that the month of October is a month that falls in the early part of the year -- a simple mistake.


For your additional information I submit a copy of my autobiography. Dennis Race, Esq. (887-4028) has consented to serve as a contact person regarding this matter.


OH, YES -- AND NO. 10


10. The DC Gov't has maintained that my belief that senior attorneys at the law firm of AGSH&F (possibly including Vernon Jordan) burglarized my apartment, in January 1990, was material to Dennis Race's decision to terminate my employment. -- A simple mistake. You can ask Mr. Race about this at 887-4028 -- That's 887-4028.


11-15-02 Of course, the big topic of conversation at the library yesterday (11-14) was my session with my psychologist, Dr. Shaffer. They were "talking" about how Dr. Shaffer was told not to invest energy into trying to re-assure me that I'm not under surveillance. She does that, you know -- as if it has any effect on me! Maybe she's got the message.


11-18-02 Like I said, we're coming up on Jeffrey Orchinik's 50th birthday. He's still in good shape. He did permanent damage to his nails -- He was a chronic nail-biter. He has to use "Lee Press-On Nails" as a prosthetic. Did you know "Lee Press-On Nails" are covered by Medicare, if they're medically-indicated?


[Attached is magazine cover ("Men's Fitness") of a male model, with a caption I've written in: "Prosthetic nails turned my life around." Orchinik (229th class, Central High School, 1970) was a year older than me and practiced at the Philadelphia firm of Sagot & Jennings, where I clerked during law school (1980-1982). Orchinik specialized in ERISA, and now practices personal injury law at a suburban Philadelphia firm. Orchinik graduated summa cum laude in psychology from SUNY-Buffalo, 1974. My friend Craig W. Dye graduated from SUNY-Buffalo in about 1980. Tom Jennings, Esq. described Orchinik as "brilliant."]


11-19-02 Yesterday, Velvel was drinking a soft drink at his desk in the library -- a violation of library rules. Brian is gone for a week, and the library starts to fall apart -- as I've pointed out before. Also, I think I said this last year, but today is the anniversary of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. Saturday, Nov 16 -- That's when Kent (Big Brother 2) said he was going on a cruise with some of the other contestants and "the Fans" -- I guess there's nothing like reliving a confining experience than by having another confining experience. At least on a cruise you can jump ship. I guess Hardy won't be going on the cruise. It's a shame Hardy and Lindsey broke up. Looking back, I guess she was really a gold digger. Maybe she should have dated Eddie McGee, the one-legged kid from "Big Brother 1" -- She could have shared in the half million and gotten some kinky amputee sex!


11-19-02 BONUS / FEDERAL FACILITY MARION, OHIO -- MACHINE SHOPPE


DENNIS RACE: This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "tool time."


11-20-02 Yesterday (11-19) at the library, some more inappropriate behavior occurred. An elderly patron was talking to Velvel in a loud tone of voice about fellatio (the technical term for Lewinskying) and masturbation. The conversation started off innocently enough about Eugene, Oregon (which, I learned, is in the "southern" part of the state). Velvel just encouraged the whole thing by saying he used to reside in Eugene. I know people say I exaggerate, but it was loud and raunchy. Objective confirmation came from another patron, Matthew Wolfe. He was seated at a table adjacent to mine, and called over to me. "Hey, hey" -- I turned to Wolfe. He said "are you following this?" I said, "Yes" -- He said "Do you believe this?" The librarians, as I see it, are enablers of this type of behavior by being chatty. That needs to stop -- policy recommendation. -- "Librarians may only engage in conversations related to library business." I may file a complaint with the library trustees. Sorry, Velvel, but you need to rein things in ! ! !


[I do not know the patron Matthew Wolfe; he used to use the "sign-in" ledger to use one of the public computers. Note that William Dacosta ("Velvel") had no problem with a patron talking in a loud and disruptive voice about sexually-explicit material, but called the DC Police on me for writing an undelivered message that referred obliquely (and in lawful language) to my emotional reaction to my psychiatric treatment and my past employment problems. I believe that the stated reason for summoning the police on April 21, 2004 to evict me from the library was not the real reason. In any event, lesson learned: From now on I'll just talk about masturbation and fellatio at the library -- I don't NEED to talk about "dark places."]


11-20-02 BONUS I've upped my anti-psychotic meds (Risperdal) to 2 mg/day, per my prescription. You see the change? Yesterday at the library, I noticed two things that were related in content--


1. On the shelf of "Books on Tape," one "book" was set off, askew. The title was something like "Cheaters" by an author named "Eric" something.-- FINE, OK. BUT THEN--


2. In the magazine exchange a magazine was prominently displayed (attached). The cover story was "Cheating, Writing, and Arithmetic." (Meaning(?) -- David Ellis, 7th grade. "Cheaters never prosper?" -- I really don't know the meaning.


11-21-02 Dr. Shaffer is still "P Streeting" me off. I can tell someone talked to her about how to deal with my "ideas" about the surveillance. Her whole approach to my "paranoia" was different -- more, shall we say, superficially (at least) appropriate. What's odd is that Dr. Shaffer is even more transparent than the supervised residents I used to see at GW. I can actually tell with Dr. Shaffer when she's been "corrected" -- which was not apparent with the residents. As I see it, Dr. S--- is not part of the solution, she's (to use a hip word) "emblematic" of the fucking problem!


11-21-02 I'm thinking of contacting Stephen D. Harlan, Board Chairman of the "Council for Court Excellence" to tell him that Dennis Race engaged in actions that resulted in my being barred from jury duty on two occasions. A.K.A. -- Jury Tampering. Or [Deputy Corporation Counsel] Chuck Reischel, or [my former treating psychiatrist] Dr. Taub, or GW -- etc. (Actually I think I'm going to write to him about the 10 (bizarre) "mistakes" that have ruined my chances for jury duty.)


[I did, in fact, write to Stephen Harlan at about that time. I recall delivering the letter in person to the organization's receptionist.


Jerrold ("Jerry") Zwirn, a former full-time librarian at the Cleveland Park Branch of the DC Library (and an employee of Brian Brown), served as a member of "The Court Community Observers," February - April 2001. Jerry Zwirn was part of the Council for Court Excellence project described in "Report and Recommendations of the Court Community Observers Project in the District of Columbia Superior Court and its Civil Division" (report issued July 2001). I believe that Jerry Zwirn knows the complete story of the surveillance of me by Brian Brown and Akin Gump managers.]


11-22-02 Yesterday Brian (at the library) was in a rare form. He was acting out in a way I haven't seen him act out in a long time. It used to be, back in the '90s, he'd act out like this just about every day. I see a "scientific" opportunity -- whatever it was he was reacting to yesterday highlights (in all probability) what irks people generally about me. What happened was that Brian was talking on the telephone in an affected tone of voice, and was using a whole procession of double entendres. He seemed to have a need to discharge, in some socially-appropriate form, a lot of angry feelings. Maybe that's a good thing. In past times, "Brian's" type would be herding me off to a concentration camp. So, maybe his behavior reflects a social advancement. (I myself am very excited about the insight this material may hold about my social difficulties -- I suspect the underlying issue is jealousy). The things I remember about the telephone call are as follows:


--Brian was affectedly pretending to speak Italian. He was affectedly friendly


--He was talking about somebody's mother-in-law -- that she was "crazy" -- and that she was going "senile"


--He used the phrase "some of my best friends are" [inaudible].


--He used the phrase "Be that as it may" (That's Dr. Eissler's phrase)


--He talked about the fact that someone was actually Italian


--He mentioned that the person's relatives in "the old country" [note the reference in another context above to the word "senile"] were reportedly Protestants. He then added: "But I don't believe that." -- "I don't believe they were Protestant."


I think whatever it was that Brian was reacting to will give a clue as to my difficulties with people generally. Again, I suspect it's jealousy. One thing to keep in mind -- I had a session with Dr. Shaffer the day before and I didn't mention Brian -- Despite the fact that he had been on vacation for a week, and therefore I had been denied the sight of his hot Irish-Catholic ass for about 8 days!


[I had formed the opinion that Brian, by this time, knew I liked him. I suspected (in paranoid fashion) that he was put off by the fact that I didn't talk about him with my psychologist the previous day. I had the paranoid impression that Brian had wanted me to express the idea to my psychologist that I missed him because he was on vacation.]


11-25-02 I think my psychiatrist, Dr. Cooper, is an admirer of the Virgin Mary. I am too: I hear her kreplach were fantastic! Dr. Cooper has a statue of the Virgin Mary in her office. I think it violates the First Amendment.


11-25-02 I just thought of something that is sure to generate a ton of telephone calls to Dennis Race. Did I mention that my sources tell me he has temper tantrums when he gets these calls?


[Note to reader: Don't waste time trying to figure out the meaning of the following; it's nonsensical.]


Dear Mr. -----, Esq.


The DC Corporation Counsel determined that my belief that Vernon Jordan or other management attorneys at AGSH&F entered my apartment unlawfully (with the possible intent to commit a felony) was material to the employer's decision to terminate my employment. The only way that the firm could have learned of my belief is via my psychiatrists, since the record discloses that I never told the employer about the possible burglary. The District determined that I formed a good faith belief that my employer had unlawful contacts with my psychiatrists -- (etc.)


[Obviously, I'm playing games with the District's use of "after-acquired evidence" in the Brief of Appellee, DC Government.]


11-25-02 Here's some Kernberg material: Last Wednesday (11-20-02) I told my psychologist, Dr. Shaffer, that I thought there was a parallel between (1) the incident on "Big Brother 2" where one of the contestants Shannon scrubbed the toilet with Hardy's toothbrush and (2) what I believe was my supervisor's presumed action in putting a baby-food jar in my trash can. I went "back to the videotape" -- and I discovered a comment by the aggressor's friend and ally in the game (Will Kirby, MD) that refers to Hardy as a "cry baby:" "You know, I think cleaning the toilet with someone's toothbrush is a little extreme for me. However, I think it is a very intelligent move because Hardy is such a CRY-BABY, pretty-boy, you know, eyebrow-waxing freak that this is the type of thing that really sets him off." (Note that Will was also a "pretty boy" who used to shave his entire body & pluck his eyebrows.)


[Otto Kernberg, MD, is an expert in group dynamics.]


11-26-02 I had another idea for some fun. I could send out letters to foreign embassies, explaining that I'm being persecuted by the government (providing the "10 mistakes" as proof) -- and requesting political asylum in their country. -- With, of course, a reference to Felix's telephone number. Both Felix AND the Secret Service will love that one! Gotta run, I'm set to tee off at 10:00 AM.


11-27-02 (Will Kirby '01; Freedman '02; George Bush; Felix '91): Now I have a goal in the White House, and my goal is to eliminate (Hardy '01; Felix '02; Saddam; Freedman '91) in a painful way, not in a pleasant way, in an embarrassing way. [The message is a paraphrase of a comment made by Will Kirby, MD on the CBS reality-show "Big Brother 2" during the summer of 2001]. I have a session with Doc Shaffer this afternoon. Six years at the clinic -- and what worthwhile six years they've been. Do you see the changes? I've become increasingly bitter and vindictive. I spent 4 years at GW with those incompetent nut jobs telling me I needed medication to change my paranoid thinking. Now that I'm taking medication they tell me it won't necessarily change my thinking -- rather it will allow me to function despite my paranoia!


11-27-02 RUBENSTEIN: Why me?


11-27-02 BONUS I found out that the statue in my psychiatrist's (Dr. Cooper's) office is not the Virgin Mary. It's actually "Our Blessed Lady of Pharmacology" -- I hear she works miracles -- if you believe in her healing powers. Unfortunately, I don't.


11-28-02 / 11-29-02 / 12-02-02 Written at 3 mg/day Risperdal. LETTER TO ATTORNEYS.


Dear Mr. Attorney:


My pain and suffering has been horrendous. I feel I could convulse the heavens with my horror. In August 1998 the U.S. Capitol Police forced their way into my home -- giving me the impression that I had no alternative to permitting their entry -- and interrogated me about a report that I had [redacted]. I met with the Capitol Police the following day, 8-7-98, at headquarters. I was advised that the report was a mistake. I was relieved, but stunned. I had no idea that in dear, free America, the land of freedom, that a citizen could be subjected to such humiliation -- the degradation of being subjected to false accusations by armed agents. I was informed, on August 7, that my name was listed on a [redacted] because of a letter I had written two years earlier, to one Beth Smith. I was dumbfounded, nay, horrified that a letter I had written two years earlier, in June 1996 -- A letter that prompted no law enforcement inquiry at the time -- was now, in August 1998, the subject of concern -- and all because of a report -- a false report that I had [redacted]. The letter in question was an inquiry to a psychiatric hospital about psychiatric treatment. Four and a half years earlier, in October 1991, my then employer -- a law firm managed by a close friend of former President Clinton -- determined in consultation with a psychiatrist that I fit the profile of a [redacted]. My direct supervisor determined, following a consultation with one of the firm's senior attorneys (Dennis M. Race, Esq. -- a graduate of Fenn College) that I was [redacted]. I reported these concerns in a factual manner to Beth Smith in my written inquiry of June 1996. The letter, though factual and non-threatening (the failure of law enforcement to contact me about the letter at the time I sent it speaks for itself) was written in a desperate tone appropriate to my situation -- I had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia (falsely, it now turns out) and had been accused by the law partners of the President's close friend of fitting the profile of a [redacted] -- possibly a [redacted]. I am innocent -- totally innocent. I have never committed a [redacted]. I have never [redacted]. As God is my witness I am innocent. Please help me. My pain and suffering has been interminable since that all-nameless hour in August 1998 when I was accused of having [redacted] and was told I was [redacted]. What's more -- even after the police had assured themselves that I was innocent they advised me that they would proceed to [redacted] -- a clear case of guilt by suspicion. I must take tranquilizers daily -- to live, to sleep, perchance to dream. I deserve compensation! You may contact Dennis Race at 202 887-4208 [sic]. Mr. Race is the sole repository of evidence relating to my potential for violence. He must speak with you.[THIS DOCUMENT HAS BEEN REDACTED PER THE NATIONAL SECURITY CONCERNS OF THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION AND A SUPERVISORY OFFICER OF THE METRO DC POLICE, SECOND DISTRICT.]


[The above letter, though histrionic in tone, is factual. The letter is pertinent to the difficulties that a victim of defamation faces. Regardless of my status on medication, my act of simply reciting the facts of my case, is enough to make me sound mentally disturbed and potentially violent. This point raises a question: Has the Social Security Administration paid me more than $100,000 because of a disabling mental illness that features disturbed ideations, or is my failure to find work simply an anger reaction to substantial and compensatable defamation? I plan to redact this entire message when I send this document to third parties, and insert the note "[Redacted for reasons of national security by order of the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the Metro DC Police]" That note alone should be an attention-grabber.]


12-02-02 Give my regards to the Big Man on Campus. You can tell him that Eric done good!


[Attached is cover of "Columbia College Today" (September 2002 issue) that features a photograph of the president of Columbia University, with the caption "The Life of the Mind: An Interview With President Lee C. Bolinger, By Alex Sachare '71.]


12-03-02 I'm now at 4 mg/day of anti-psychotic medication. See the remarkable changes in me? I'm still full of much rage about what those people did to me. I feel like Saddam Hussein -- eleven years of pure hell. Eleven years of surveillance, inspections, false accusations, surprise raids -- and now [the British Foreign Secretary] dusting off accusations they haven't used since 1914, -- like I've just marched into Belgium, or something. Potentially violent, my ass. I'm still stuck on THAT one. And then the Feds -- "Well, if you don't have anything to hide, why won't you let us have a look around?" -- Like I have scud missiles under my pillow, and a storehouse of enriched plutonium in my closet -- give me a break. The British: Can't live with them; can't get screwed without them!


[Note, incidentally, that the accusation that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction was never proven. "How can all these people say these things about you, and none of it is true? Some of it must be true." In the case of Saddam Hussein, none of it was true.]


12-04-02 If you talk to Michael Bacon, tell him I was particularly enchanted by the passage (or, more appropriately, the variation) that sounded like Robert Schumann -- I thought -- "Wow! That sounds just like Schumann!! Aida Epstein should hear this." I thought -- This is like the Diabelli Variations where Beethoven quotes Mozart's "Don Giovanni." (If you don't get it, you don't get it.) I think the whole thing was a parody of the Diabelli Variations -- Variations, here, on the Kaiser Waltz.


[Refers to the music score of a PBS-TV special on the life of Sigmund Freud, produced by David Grubin. The show was broadcast the day before Thanksgiving, in the year 2002. The score was written by Michael Bacon.]


12-04-02 I left my rent with Mr. Castleberry yesterday -- without an envelope. I understand he prefers that. But it felt strange, nonetheless. Of course, I walk around my apartment naked -- So I don't know why I'm worried about a "naked" check. My paranoia is still in full swing. Yesterday, the tenant "Richard" -- The graduate of Brown Univ, who works at the USIA [U.S. Information Agency] (?) -- sighed when he saw me. That meant something to me -- like "Oh, man -- it's you!" Then at the library yesterday Barbara the librarian seemed unusually circumspect -- and perturbed. But at one point, while she was talking to a patron about the Xerox machine she said (about the machine) "It lies." -- She seemed to me to be talking about me. I have to say-- "What -- me lie?"


["The tenant 'Richard'" is Richard Peyton Howard, who has lived in the building since at least the year 1990 (Apartment 522). I have believed strongly since 1990 that Howard knows my identity and my personal history, and is part of the information network that continues to receive updates about my situation. Howard is a graduate of Brown University.]


12-05-02 SNOW! Called the library this morning. Spoke to Ignacio -- what a nice young man! Library obviously open. Brian -- How did your doctor visit go yesterday. I hope it went better than mine! How did she react when you got naked for her -- did your juices flow? You know, with every ejaculation, you lose some creative powers. It's like Balzac once said after having sex -- "Another masterpiece lost to French literature!" (Something I didn't learn from Linda Miller[, one of my high school French teachers]).


[Ignacio (last name?) used to work at the circulation desk at the library. He was liked and respected by the library staff.]


12-06-02 PASTICHE. Sunday is my grandmother's birthday -- she'll be 110. It seems Brian doesn't like it when I talk about his body fluids -- Sorry, Brian -- Can you ever forgive me? Dr. Sack doesn't look like a happy camper. I guess he's realizing he threw away a lot of cash on a Harvard education, when he could have done just as well with a degree from Temple Univ, like Fred Cohen, MD or Mike Shapiro, MD. Temple University -- It's the Harvard of North Philadelphia.


[Lawrence C. Sack, MD, earned both an undergraduate degree and medical degree from Harvard University. He was a psychiatrist whose professional office was in my building. I had three consults with Dr. Sack in May 1991; I quit when I formed the impression Dr. Sack was in communication with Akin Gump management. Dr. Sack was an individual who I genuinely thought could help me. He passed away in early August 2003; his death was a great blow to me. "On the afternoon of August sixth, or maybe it was the fifth. I can't be sure."]


12-09-02 What do you think of my new stereo? Nice, huh? Thank you President Roosevelt! Well, I think I've done my part this Christmas season to help the economy! By the way, speaking of FDR -- God bless you, People of Louisiana! (Bob Strauss & his friends will know what I mean. Apparently the people of Louisiana are a lot smarter than the people of Minnesota. Maybe it's the climate).


12-10-02 Here's anther letter I might send to the DC Department of Employment Services.


DC Dept of Employment Services
Washington, DC


Dear Sir:


In November 1991 I qualified for unemployment benefits in the District of Columbia. In May 1992, I qualified for extended benefits, pursuant to which I was required to engage in a systematic and sustained effort to obtain work by making contact with at least 5 new employers each week of eligibility. See D.C. Code section 51-107. This will advise that at the time I contacted various employers in 1992, pursuant to my statutory duty, I did not know that --


1) My former employer, the law firm of Akin, Gump, Strauss, Hauer & Feld had determined that I was [redacted]


Dennis M. Race Esq. (202 887-4028) had determined that I suffered from a psychiatric disorder that rendered me not suitable for employment


3) My direct supervisor had determined that I was [redacted]


4) My co-workers had a genuine and credible fear that I might [redacted]


5) The District Government would determine, on August 6, 1998, that facts relating to my job termination, in October 1991, would contribute to a reasonable conclusion that I might [redacted]


6) The District of Columbia Department of Human Rights possessed sworn statements pertaining to my [redacted] and mental impairment.


In summary, I had no knowledge in 1992 that my former employer had information relating to the possibility that tort liability might attach to an employer's decision to employ me.


Sincerely yours,


Gary Freedman


I'M NOW AT 4 MG/DAY ANTI-PSYCHOTIC MEDS -- (RISPERDAL)


[Dennis Race filed his sworn Interrogatory Response on May 22, 1992 with the DC Department of Human Rights stating that he had determined (in October 1991) in consultation with a psychiatrist that I was potentially violent. I wrote Dennis Race a letter in about early June 1992 advising that I qualified for extended unemployment benefits, and soon thereafter began my job search. I did not receive a copy of Dennis Race's Interrogatory Response (dated May 22, 1992) from the DC Department of Human Rights until late December 1992. Dennis Race, therefore, showed a wanton disregard for the possible tort liability I might pose to a prospective employer owing to my "potential for violence."]


12-11-02 Last night I was watching Paul Anthony doing his pitch for contributions to WETA [public television]. Once again, hats off, you do a superprofessional job. By the way, I love it when you use the word "preclude" -- so erudite! By the way, Mr. Anthony, did Malcolm send you the latest version of my book? I think Malcolm contacted you for the first time back in about '93 or '94 after you broadcast that Claudio Abbado concert of Wagner's music (you know, the broadcast where Katie Couric says of Wagner's music -- "Tender, heroic, tragic.") How did you earn your millions, Mr. Anthony, or did you inherit your money? I used to feel sorry for you. I thought -- poor guy -- does voice overs for public television. Probably lives in Section 8 housing in PG County. Then I saw that house -- that palace -- you lived in. Wow! Section 8, my ass.


12-12-02 Last night the crazies were out in full force. I must have gotten about 6 crazy telephone calls in about a 3-hour period. I'm starting a new anti-psychotic med today. The one I was taking (Risperdal) didn't do anything for me (could you tell?). The new one (Abilify) just came out on the market. My doctor said that it worked miracles for the one other patient who was taking it in her practice. I told my psychiatrist that at the library yesterday, I was picking up signals about someone named "Helen" -- who do I even know who's named Helen? I notice it's Julianne Donofrio's birthday this month -- is she related to Vincent D'Onofrio? (Law and Order - Criminal Intent). I hear they're coming out with a new "Law and Order" -- called "The Special Moron's Unit" -- It's about incompetent attorneys who screw their partners through their incompetence. Yesterday at the library, someone left the attached in the magazine bin. -- A reference to my Westlaw Card at Akin Gump?


[Attached is the back cover of an issue of the ABA Journal: an ad for Westlaw that features a photo of a man's hands holding a card with the word "Westlaw" written on it. "Helen" is the name of Robert Strauss's wife, the former Helen Jacobs. I do not know the tenant Julianne Donofrio; building management used to post the birth dates of tenants on a bulletin board in the mail room.]


12-13-02 The country would have been better off if Harry Truman had decided to run and had been elected President in 1952. We wouldn't have all the problems we have today that started in the Eisenhower Administration. Things like split-level houses and pink flamingoes. By the way, wasn't it a Republican who sent federal troops to Little Rock to enforce desegregation? What's up with that? Does Trent Lott have a brain?


[Refers to Senator Lott's public statement that the country would have been better off if Strom Thurmond had been elected President of the United States in 1948, instead of Harry Truman.]


12-16-02 CLINTON - LOTT SHOWDOWN (edited for content)


PRESIDENT CLINTON: What goes around comes around and PB, baby. Payback.


TRENT LOTT: I'm not no mean person, man. I'm happy bein' a multi-millionaire Senator bustin' my ass for everything I have. I was happy before. You don't understand going back to my town. It's what you don't understand. I don't want to go back anymore. I don't want to be looked upon or frowned upon, and that's what's gonna happen. I find myself losing who I am here in the Senate. I came all this way, for what? To lose something inside me?


PRESIDENT CLINTON: Lose what inside you? Your bigotry? Your mean-spiritedness?


TRENT LOTT: I don't want to be mean. I was just happy bein' me. You keep running scenarios through your mind -- What's right, what's wrong, what's ethical. Just everything. It just drives you crazy.


PRESIDENT CLINTON: You turned on me. I have no respect for you. It really hurt me that we couldn't be friends. But I hope you understand and (smiling cynically) -- See ya!


(It's all Krista, all the time)


[Parody of statements from the CBS-TV reality series "Big Brother 2," from the summer of 2001. Most of the "Trent Lott" lines are drawn from the comments of Krista, a contestant from -- oddly enough -- Louisiana (it must be something in the water). Trent Lott led the impeachment campaign against former President Clinton.]


12-17-02 Barbara, the librarian, said the weirdest thing yesterday. She was spelling out someone's name to a patron on the telephone. You know, like "Wells" -- "W" as in water, "E" as in election, etc. Well when she got to the "S" in the name, she said "S" as in "Schama" -- Now -- Really! Simon Schama is a Professor at Columbia Univ and I quote him in my autobiography. Who says "S" as in "Schama"? That woman is so pretentious!


[Simon Schama wrote a book about the painter Rembrandt, which I quote prominently in my autobiography in the section on the philosopher Baruch Spinoza, a renegade who was excommunicated by the Amsterdam Jewish community in The Netherlands. My former psychiatrist, Stanley R. Palombo, MD, is a graduate of Columbia Medical School].


12-17-02 When I was a senior in college (Spring Term 1975) I took a course in Jewish history that was taught by the Rabbi at Hillel. There was a young lady in the class -- a student named Lisa Lippin -- a journalism major from Philadelphia. We were in the same graduating class (May 1975). We had no contact whatsoever. Just letting you know that I don't just notice penises. -- Sorry, Bruce Stein! Yesterday was Beethoven's birthday -- (232 years old) (He doesn't look a day over 200!) I listened to the Opus 132 string quartet. That's the one Daniel Ellsberg [Apartment] (146) asked me about in the exercise room, several years ago.


[Daniel Ellsberg, who gained notoriety by his act of leaking a secret history of the Viet Nam War to the "New York Times" in 1971 (the so-called Pentagon Papers), used to reside in my apartment building at 3801 Connecticut Avenue. He moved in the fall of 2003.


Note my associative process: both Bruce Stein and Lisa Lippin (like myself) were journalism majors. I used to see Bruce Stein naked ("exposed," like the government decisionmakers who ran U.S. policy in Viet Nam) in a locker room in college before and after a phys. ed. course. Both Stein and I took the same course in modern Southeast Asian history at Penn State (History 171) taught by Claire Hirshfield, Ph.D. (Stein and I didn't know each other.) Beethoven was known for his hatred of political tyranny and his highly-developed sense of morality. The Jewish religion sees itself as an "ethics-based" religion. What appear to be "loose associations" (Judaism, history, sexuality, penises, nudity, physical exercise, Beethoven, Viet Nam, Daniel Ellsberg, and journalism (a profession that "exposes" the truth)) are in fact cohesive and overdetermined. A highly-creative individual (who possesses a capacity for remote associations) might always appear to be psychotic to an inexperienced or incompetent psychiatrist.


12-18-02 I know my admission yesterday [that I had a sexual interest in females] raised the hopes of a lot of hot babes -- that maybe I'd be getting into the market. I'm not a player. I'm not even sure what team I want to be on. Here's another admission. I can remember first term, first year of college someone in philosophy class -- Jeff Conner. He graduated in May 1975. His picture in the yearbook -- well -- he looks like a girl. I wonder if he remembers first day of class with Dr. [Fred] Rieman -- 2:00 PM, Monday, Sept 27, 1971. One alligator, two alligator, three alligator, the Kitty Genovese case as it related to the topic of Duty and Responsibility. Gloria Goldsmith & Bill Devuono were in that class. The first day of class I sat in back of Conner -- later I sat in a different spot -- on first row.


[Bill DeVuono was in my high school graduating class (Central High School, 1971, 230th class); we were acquaintances. Gloria Goldsmith and I were in the same class in seventh and eighth grades in junior high school. On the first day of class in Rieman's philosophy course, Rieman took a Polaroid of the class and counted "one alligator, two alligator, three alligator," as he waited for the photo to develop. The first day of class we discussed the philosophical meaning of the Kitty Genovese case; a young woman who was murdered in an apartment courtyard while her neighbors did nothing in response to her desperate cries for help. My identification with Genovese at age 17 (as evidenced by my lifelong recollection of the class discussion on 9-27-71) is revealing. Psychoanalytically, we can infer that my current desperate circumstances parallel childhood feelings of desperation.]


12-19-02


TRENT LOTT [in a threatening tone]: If this thing doesn't get resolved soon, I may quit the Senate altogether and retire to Pascagoola. You'll end up with a 50/50 split in the Senate.


HILLARY CLINTON: O-o-o-o, I'm scared!


12-20-02 I'll tell you what I'd like to do. I'd like to type up all these notes on a computer disc. I've been communicating with you since mid-June 2001. That's a lot of notes -- about 400 notes. I could send the disc out to different people -- like members of Congress -- that would be fun. No-- it would be F - U - N


12-23-02 Happy birthday to me! -- The big four-nine. Did you notice that Trent Lott made the cover of "Newsweek" last week? I guess you could say Lott is quite literally the Senator that "Time" forgot. (A little Evan Thomas humor).


12-23-02 Here's somebody to look into: DOUGLAS ANDERSON. Dean, College of Communications, Pennsylvania State University (814) 863-1484. You can tell Dean Anderson that a '75 journalism major is on the road to a Pulitzer Prize!


12-24-02 Today, December 24, 2002 is the 36th anniversary of the great Christmas Eve snowstorm of 1966. Just don't mention that to Sid Dorfman -- He'll whack you over the head if he hears you say that.


[Dorfman and I were coworkers and friends at The Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. Subject graduated Central High School in June 1966 (225th class). We both worked with Hilliard Cohen (Central High School, June 1965, 224th class). Cohen and I attended subject's wedding in the summer of 1977 or 1978. Subject said he used to work with an annoying person who used to refer all the time to the great Christmas Eve snowstorm of 1966].


12-25-02 / 12-26-02 I'm thinking of going on strike. I just won't take medication, if I decide to strike. What does the medication do, really? It's a crutch for the clinic. It gives the impression that they're doing something, when, in fact, they're not doing anything. I've been at this clinic for over 6 (six) years now. How far have I come? What really gets me, is that for about 4 years at GW, those nut jobs kept saying I needed to take meds. Well, I've been taking meds -- and what? Not nothin'. It's crap. This will go on for years. Where is this going? I need to register my discontent, and believe me, I am discontented. This is the moral equivalent of WAR ! ! !


12/27/02 I notice that Kenya has its first new prime minister in 24 years -- and (Big Surprise!) his name is not Rubenstein. Here's something I had forgotten since high school, and it recently came back to me. I can recall that on one occasion David Rosenbaum (229th class) [Central High School, 1970] had started to write a string quartet. He had the first and second violin parts written to what, I guess, was the first movement. Not exactly the Beethoven C# minor quartet. I remember he got somebody to play it with him. People were standing around, some laughing. But it went on and on -- and you couldn't help but be impressed by Rosenbaum's seriousness of purpose. -- And now 50 resume pages later, well--


[Rosenbaum is now a professor of psychology at The Pennsylvania State University at College Park (with a resume that lists an extraordinarily extensive list of publications). Note the parallel between my description of the teen-age Rosenbaum ("seriousness of purpose") and my description of Cleveland Park Branch Librarian Brian Brown as "an earnest young man, a man who exemplifies 'the meaning of 'Meaning It.'" Don't get me wrong, sex and alcohol have their place. But there should be more to life than getting laid and getting wasted.]


12-30-02 Message for Howard Jacobson [-- an Akin Gump tax attorney] -- like I always said -- Say what you will about the goyim, but they know how to celebrate New Years. None of that fasting and praying and out-of-tune rams horns. For the Gentiles it's all about getting drunk and getting laid. I see them as a positive influence on the Jewish people. Say, Mr. Jacobson, I still remember seeing you, Trude [Jacobson's wife], and the kids on TV for that fund-raiser for Children's Hospital. I got a real charge out of your older son who was so proud of his kid brother's reading of his Haphtarah portion. -- Say, are you still a fan of the "Sports Illustrated" swim suit edition? What about that Israeli chocolate you used to sell? You know I can still remember seeing you in the office on Sunday Dec 23, 1990. --Check your billing records. Remember: "Taxation without Representation is Tyranny."


[Jacobson and I had offices on the firm's ninth floor in the year 1990. Note, as in an earlier message, the association of religion and sex. (One recalls Jeffrey Masson's observation: "I still considered myself a spiritual person, but I was becoming increasingly obsessed with sex." Analytically, the association of "tax attorney" and "chocolate" may be overdetermined references to anality. December 23 is my birthday. Note the reference to mentoring and warm fraternal feelings ("your older son who was so proud of his kid brother's reading of his Haphtarah portion"). Compare the note dated 12/27/02 -- specifically, my feelings of esteem and admiration for Rosenbaum's compositional effort.]


12-31-02 This medication Abilify is a real Catch-22 situation. The medication is so new that pharmacies won't have it available till January 2003, but the coupon for free meds (see reverse side of prescription) expires today -- December 31, 2002. By the way, you know what Boris Yeltsin's psychiatrist told Ambassador Bob Strauss? -- "Trust but Abilify"


["Trust but Abilify" is a play on President Reagan's motto concerning arms control agreements with the Soviet Union, "Trust but Verify."]


1-1-03 / 1-2-03 Nothing to report. Slow news day. Can you see going through another year of these notes? I'm a psycho-freak and the meds aren't helping. Like I told Judge Penn, the ravages of mental illness are indeed tragic.


[Back in the late 1990s I wrote a letter to U.S. District Court Chief Judge John Penn detailing my situation. The letter was sarcastic in tone and closed with the line: "Such are the tragic ravages of severe mental illness." Judge Penn must have thought I was a disrespectful wiseacre.]


1-3-03 I remember in high school chemistry [class,] all fall, my teacher used to say that her goal was to get to the "gas laws" by Christmas break. I wonder if she met her goal this past year. Did she get to the gas laws? And, on another front: [cut out from magazine] "I can't even remember the last time I had sex." Robert Plant


1-6-03 There's been a change in Barbara, the librarian. She leaves me alone now, totally ignores me. I see that as a good thing -- But I wonder what prompted that. Look into that!


1-7-03 My take on the Bush economic proposal: It's Keynes on crack!


1-8-03 The shit is going to hit the fan this afternoon, when I visit my psychologist [Dr. Shaffer] and psychiatrist [Dr. Cooper]. I'm going to press my demands to know what the heck is going on! I'm going to set out a list of specific and recognized criteria of psychological functioning and ask how I would be evaluated according to these criteria. Happy Birthday President Nixon! 90 years old! Was it yesterday or today or tomorrow?


1-08-03 / 1-09-03 Doc Shaffer refused to accept this document, yesterday 1-8-03.


Dr. Shaffer:


Please complete the following psychological assessment questionnaire. The questionnaire is based on specific and recognized criteria of personality functioning. It is hoped that in reviewing or completing the questionnaire, you will focus on specific problem areas in your work with me, and the causal links between my level of functioning and (1) my interpersonal difficulties and (2) indications for medical treatment.


1.(a) What is the patient's level of self-cohesion?


--level of integration
--dependency on object attachments
--sense of identity
--degree of complementary role play
--mechanisms used to maintain cohesiveness
--degree of identity diffusion


(b.) How does patient's level of self-cohesion impair his interpersonal relations?


(c.) What are the medical indications?


2.(a.) What is the level of patient's self-object differentiation?


--How does patient maintain self-object differentiation in the face of object attachments of varying intensity


See 1(b) and 1(c), above, and answer with respect to variable 2(a.)


3. Describe the patient's object relations


--Are his emotional relationships impoverished in any way?


--do they lack genuineness?


--does he have a capacity for object cathexis?


--Are his object relations merely need-satisfying?


--What is patient's level of object constancy?


--Are his relations superficial/transient?


--Does he engage in passive compliance?


--Are his attachments narcissistic?


See 1(b) and 1(c), above, and answer with respect to variable 3(a.)


4. What is patient's level of internalization?


--Does patient have a capacity for identification?


--Are patient's internalizations merely imitative or introjective?


SEE 1(b.) and 1(c.), above, and answer with respect to 4(a.)


5.(a.) What is the level of patient's ego organization?


--How is patient's ego organization affected by the absence of object attachment?


See 1(b) and 1(c), above, and answer with respect to 5(a.)


6(a) What is the level of the patient's reality resting?


SEE 1(b,) and 1(c.), above, and answer with respect to 6(a.).


7.(a.) What is the level of patient's impulse control?


SEE 1(b) and 1(c), above, and answer with respect to 7(a.)


8. What is the degree and sources of anxiety for patient?


--Does separation anxiety predominate


--Is there fear of abandonment


SEE 1(b) and 1(c), above, and answer with respect to 8(a)


9.(a) What is the patient's level of superego development?


--What is the nature of patient's moral standards/ideals


--Do his ideals tend to be imitative


--Do his ideals shift easily from one contradictory view to another?


--Does he depend on external objects to maintain his moral values?


SEE 1(b) and 1(c), above, and answer with respect to 9(a.)


10(a.) Describe patient's primary process functioning?


--characteristic


--non-characteristic


SEE 1(b.) and 1(c.), above, and answer with respect to 10(a.)


11(a.) Describe patient's defensive organization


--What are the predominant ego defenses?


12(a.) Describe patient's libidinal phase development with reference to constancy, level, and regressions.


13(a.) Describe patient's regressive potential


--How is patient's regressive potential affected by loss of object attachment


--Is regression easily reversed (under what conditions)?


1-10-03 My psychiatrist, Dr. Cooper, says she's unfamiliar with literature indicating that Paxil (paroxetine) [an antidepressant] is useful for the treatment of insomnia. I would like to direct her attention to Nowell PD et al. "Paroxetine in the Treatment of Primary Insomnia: Preliminary Clinical and EEG Sleep Data." Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, Volume 60, pages 89-95 (1999). As Lynn Margulies would say: "Read It!"


[Lynn Margulies is a brilliant and renowned microbiologist who has an encyclopedic knowledge of the literature in her field. She was the subject of a "New York Times Magazine" article several years ago. Whenever someone contradicts her professional opinion she will rattle off, from memory, the title of a published paper that supports her view, and state emphatically: "READ IT!" Margulies was married to famed astronomer Carl Sagan (now deceased).]


1-13-02 Here's somebody to look into: PETER SCHEINER. Central High School, 230th graduating class, 1971. We were in the same music theory class in 1970-1971 (senior year). He can give you the inside scoop on Joseph Ostrow, who taught renowned linguist, Noam Chomsky, now at MIT. Scheiner doesn't seem very promising. He lists no extracurricular activities and for career ambition he lists "undecided."


1-14-03 Message for Senator Lieberman-- I think John Edwards is better-looking than you. He has that nice goyish grin that you look for in a candidate. Yesterday at the library Velvel was talking about the upper-class in ancient Rome -- "The Patricians." I thought it was a reference to Pat Loud. Then Brian mentioned something about sexual orientation -- that was the clincher.


[In January 2003 PBS-TV broadcast a show on Lance Loud, and rebroadcast an episode of the PBS series "An American Family," originally aired in the year 1973. "An American Family," an early prototype of reality-TV programming, followed the daily lives of the Loud family, "a typical middle-class family," who lived in Santa Barbara, California. The oldest son, Lance Loud, was homosexual. The mother was named Pat Loud. I had mentioned to several people not associated with the library, including my psychologist (Dr. Shaffer), that I was a big fan of the show.]


1-15-03 Trivia question for Elliott Feldman -- In 11th grade social studies (1969-70 school year), in William Ruderman's class -- we had a student teacher (I forget his name, I think he was a student at LaSalle). As a parting gift the class got him what? ANSWER 1. A bottle of whiskey and 2. William L. Shirer's book, "The Collapse of the Third Republic."


[Feldman is now an attorney who practices insurance law in Philadelphia. In 9th grade English class, Feldman and I sat next to each other. A course assignment in that English class was "All Quiet on the Western Front," a World War I novel by Erich Maria Remarque.]


1-16-03 It's been unusually quiet in the library. What's up? Brian seems quite circumspect (or is it circumcised -- I always get the two confused). Brian has been using the phrase "the old-fashioned way" a lot. A reference to disbarment? Yesterday Brian kept mentioning Washingtoniana -- a reference to somebody named "Anna" or something that sounds like "Anna"-- [or Tony?] I'm at 15 mg/day Abilify -- an anti-psychotic med. Cool, huh? I take meds -- and they don't jeopardize my disability benefits. Happy snowstorm!


[Years earlier I had created a witty paraphrase of the Morgan Stanley advertising slogan: "DC BAR COUNSEL -- We disbar attorneys the old-fashioned way. One lawyer at a time." "The Old-Fashioned Way" (Morgan Stanley) might also refer to my former treating psychiatrist, Stanley R. Palombo, MD, apparently of Italian heritage. In an earlier message (11-22-02) I attributed disguised feelings of rage to Brian Brown, discharged in a barrage of double-entendres (so I believed) that referred manifestly to persons of Italian heritage; the "old country;" as well as "senile."


On 11-22-02 I interpreted Brian Brown's statement "Be that as it may" as a symbolic reference to Kurt R. Eissler, MD. Kurt Eissler, MD, was the founder of the Sigmund Freud Archives, an entity currently headed by Harold Blum, MD, who has professional connections with Dr. Palombo. Drs. Blum and Palombo co-chaired a professional seminar on the work of the psychoanalyst Erik H. Erikson in 1994 in New York City ("The Dream Specimen in Psychoanalysis.")


The paraphrase I created (concerning the DC Bar Counsel) was contained in a document on a computer disc that I had sent to numerous parties.


"Circumcised:" In Yiddish it's called a "Bris," which was also the title of a Seinfeld episode that I parodied in a previous message. That particular Seinfeld episode featured references to professional ethics and loss of license. In that episode a mohel (the person who performs a circumcision) states: "I should have been a kosher butcher like my brother. You make a mistake with a cow, you move on with your life." "Nobody ruins this for me, it's my life, it's my livelihood!"


Analytically, note the intriguing connection between the notes dated 1-15 and 1-16. The note dated 1-15 poses a "trivia question," and uses the phrase "parting gift" (which is frequently used on TV game shows). The note dated 1-16 refers to the word "jeopardize:" "Jeopardy" is a popular TV trivia quiz show.


1-17-03 That was some snow storm, wasn't it -- all 1/2 inch of it! Laurie Kravitz ([Apartment] 236) is moving out -- that's a real loss to the 2d floor community.


[Kravitz and I did not know each other. Her apartment was directly above mine. She was very chatty and her voice used to travel through the ventilation duct to my apartment.]


1-20-03 / 1-21-03 Here's somebody to look into JONATHAN K. FEARS, M.D. Fears was an abstracter at The Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. Elena Saboe used to edit his work. He graduated from Haverford College with a B.A. in English. He received an MD from the University of Virginia Medical College and specializes in asthma, allergy, & immunology. He's in Huntingtown, Maryland -- 301 855-1644. He can give a summary of the culture at The Franklin Institute in the mid-seventies.


[Elena Saboe used to be my supervisor at The Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. She wrote a letter of recommendation for me for law school in 1979. Elena Saboe shared an office for several years (1976-1979) with an employee named Verlyn Hewer, whose husband, William Bener, Esq., is an attorney who practices in Doylestown, PA.]


1-22-03 Message for President Bush -- The French! Jacques Chirac is a crock. Don't take orders from Eurotrash. God Bless Tony Blair!


[Refers to international diplomatic conflict about the upcoming war in Iraq.]


1-23-02 I just learned yesterday that Dr. Jerry Mortimer Wiener died in September 2001. A real loss to the psychiatric community. Also, I would request that Dr. Sack's daughter reconsider her decision not to go into psychiatry. Radiology has too much math in it.


[The late Lawrence C. Sack, MD, a psychiatrist, had a professional office in my apartment building. I had read on the Internet that Dr. Sack's daughter decided to do a residency in radiology instead of her first choice, psychiatry, because of her concerns about the managed-care system. Dr. Sack's son, Robert Sack, MD, is a local psychiatrist.]


1-24-03 I'm not taking anti-psychotic meds (Abilify) anymore. It may have been causing insomnia. Do you notice the difference? Do I seem more irrational, out-of-control, wild, in need of supervision, on the verge of involuntary commitment, potentially violent, argumentative, even more paranoid than usual?


[Insomnia is a recognized side-effect of Abilify. I have a long history of insomnia, and have been medicated for the symptom since 1999.]


1-27-03 Did you see the Sunday NY Times Magazine article about George W. Bush? They say he makes Pres. Reagan look like a moderate. What they meant, but didn't say, was that George Bush makes Ronald Reagan look like a fag! You heard it here first! -- Like I said 12 years ago: New Key Rock!

[In the early 1970s, while running for Mayor of Philadelphia, then Police Commissioner Frank Rizzo said that he would make Attila the Hun look like a fag.]

1-28-03 Message for Mr. Castleberry [please transmit]. This is the right and prudent time to institute on-line direct payment of rent. With a war coming -- and all that entails, including homeland involvement such as terrorist attacks, germ/chem/radiological warfare -- people may not be able to transact business at their bank. With on-line rent payment, tenants won't even have to leave the building. Think about it. It's the patriotic thing to do. Talk it over with the WRIT home office. -- [hand drawn picture of the American flag, then the message:] God Bless Rent. In just a few months Washington could be a far different place from what it is at this moment. Different from anything we can now imagine -- Only the prepared will survive!

1-29-03 Ignacio, from the library is gone for good, I think. And he didn't even kiss me good-bye. What kind of person is he?

[Ignacio (last name?) worked at the circulation desk at the Cleveland Park Library.]

1-30-03 Last afternoon, at my psychologist's, we talked about Steve Routh, an attorney (partner) at Hogan & Hartson. Routh's wife (Linda Stein) had a baby boy Robert Martin Routh in January 1987. Routh had a degree from the London School of Economics. I wonder if Routh knew Glenn Fine, an economics major from Harvard (Routh was a Harvard grad). Routh and Fine worked in nearby offices, when Fine was a law clerk at H&H. I wonder if Routh knew that Fine was VERY SPECIAL. I knew that.

[Steve Routh clerked for DC Appeals Court Judge John M. Ferren, who heard my appeal, Freedman v. DC Department of Human Rights in the year 1994, which was dismissed for lack of jurisdiction. (I believe that Judge Ferren himself had once practiced at Hogan). Routh worked in the education practice group at Hogan; Routh was a member of a large team of attorneys, under Elliott Mincberg (now with "People for the American Way" -- a constitutional rights advocacy organization) and David Tatel, Esq. (now an associate judge on the U.S. Court of Appeals for the DC Circuit) who represented the Milwaukee, WI public school district in desegregation litigation. I worked with Routh on a document production task in late December 1986 to early January 1987. Routh was an idealist who named his first child, Robert Martin, for Robert F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. I always wondered what a psychoanalyst would say about the Oedipal (or other) implications of naming one's son, a first child, for two persons who were murdered. Glenn Fine is now Inspector General of the United States. He was a Rhodes Scholar and a star basketball player as a Harvard undergrad; his law degree is from Harvard. Esquire magazine's December 2003 issue featured a one-page article on Fine (page 200): "Glenn Fine: The Conscience of the D.O.J."]

1-30-03 Richard Reid gives a whole new meaning to the phrase-- "He has his foot in the door."

[Richard Reid, the so-called "show bomber," was a terrorist who concealed explosives in his shoe.]

1-31-03 Here's another Hogan partner who may remember Glenn Fine from the time in 1985 that Fine worked as a law clerk at the firm -- George H. Mernick, III 637-5726. Mernick worked on the 2nd floor at 815 Conn Ave in fall 1985 -- near Nancy Kent (in accounting).

2-3-03 I'll tell you my one recollection of George Mernick. It was the final days at 815 Connecticut Avenue in early April 1987. The building management at 815 Conn Ave was already starting up its renovation for the new major tenant. There was drilling of the terrace outside the building. The drilling was very noisy. Somebody (apparently not with the firm) asked Mernick what was going on. Mernick said we were moving to a new building, the other party said: "A new building?" Mernick said "A brand-new building!" -- Thus spoke George Mernick in April 1987.

[Hogan & Hartson moved to Columbia Square (555 13th Street, NW) in April 1987. One of the tenants at 815 Connecticut Avenue was Clark Clifford, Esq., former Secretary of Defense and a friend of Robert Strauss. Clifford's law partner was Robert Altman, Esq.]

2-4-03 Today's Birthdays: Stanley R. Palombo, MD (69) / Daniel D. Cutler (40). -- The above is the most persuasive evidence against the validity of astrology!

[Stanley R. Palombo, MD, was my treating psychiatrist in the year 1990. I worked with Cutler at Hogan & Hartson; he later went to law school (Seton Hall in New Jersey).]

2-5-03 Yesterday David Grady gave me a testy look when he saw me. Is it just coincidence that Grady is a Hogan attorney & I've been communicating with you recently about Hogan attorneys -- such as Steve Routh and George Mernick? That's a case in point about why I can't practice law. The jealousy is so EXTREME.

[David Grady, Esq. has been a tenant at 3801 Connecticut Avenue since at least 1990.

A preoccupation with envy or jealousy is a diagnostic criterion of a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). My current treating psychologist, Israella Bash, Ph.D., denies that I suffer from NPD.]

2-6-03 Like I told my psychologist yesterday-- I felt that Brian at the library was reacting to something that made him jealous. He was having a quiet "tantrum" -- Brian that is. What was Brian reacting to? I think Brian is just a jealous M-F'er. -- Then Dr. Shaffer [my psychologist] said she's getting cut from the system. That the city's no longer going to provide psychological services. What am I going to do? I'm just a helpless psychotic. I'll have to go elsewhere.

[The term "M-F'er" might be an Oedipal allusion.]

2-7-03 / 2-10-03 I've been so depressed since I heard that I'm losing my psychologist. I stayed in bed (more or less) all weekend (Fri-Sun) just sleeping and staring into space in a stupor. This is bad. The District has been systematically dismantling the mental health system. All that's left is psychiatrists to prescribe meds. It's inhuman. It's going to take me some time to get past this.

2-11-03 I'm still depressed about the mental health situation here in the District. What I'm thinking about is contacting some high-ranking official, and ask if I can become his pen-pal. That should get some attention.

2-12-03 Here's the name of Sid Dorfman's predecessor at The Franklin Institute: Castle Freeman. Freeman left in about 1972. He and I had no contact. Freeman can give insight into the culture of the Institute at that time. -- You know, I could die in a terror attack at any time. I want you to know it's been good knowing you.

[I worked with coworker and friend Sid Dorfman at The Franklin Institute in Philadelphia. Dorfman obtained a B.S. in biology at Temple University in 1970. We attended the same high school.]

2-13-03 I've mentioned this before-- But you need a civil defense plan. Duck tape, duck tape, duck tape. As far as I see there's no plan at all. It's each tenant for himself. What is wrong with you people?

2-14-03 Later, dude.

2-17-03 / 2-18-03 / 2-19-03 I'm starting with a new psychologist -- Meghana Tembe at GW's Center for Professional Psychology -- a new beginning. -- Did you survive the storm? --

FREEDMAN: I'm coming back to GW!

DR. WIENER: Over my dead body!!

[Jerry M. Wiener, MD, was the chairman of the psychiatry department at GW, where I was in treatment from September 1992 to June 1996. Dr. Wiener died in early September 2001.]

2-20-03 I think that Mr. Pius and Mr. Doug did an outstanding job with the snow. They selflessly battled the elements during and after the storm of the century, all for the greater good of the residents. I recommend that those fine men be given a bonus of $50 each. Remember, a storm like this is a once-in-a-century occurrence.

[Doug and Pius were the building engineers at 3801 Connecticut Avenue, my residence.]

2-21-03 Message for Brian-- Please get the "A-Drive" fixed on the computer. Sure, it was cute in the beginning -- humorous, even -- but now it's just plain annoying. And I'm getting really p.o.'d. Get the damn thing fixed, Brian.

2-24-02 I had my first session with my new psychologist at GW on Friday (2-21-03) -- Meghana Tembe. She's good, if you can get through her accent -- She's from India. You can call her at the clinic (202) 887-0775. -- By the way, if I run into financial problems, I'm thinking I could move in with Brian -- I could be his butler -- Put his clothes out for him, run his bath, get him his coffee, arrange secret trysts with babes!

[Note that the very first reference to a friendship with Brian Brown (in the guise of a professional relationship) seems to be a negation of my relationship with my new psychologist, Meghana Tembe. Arguably, from the outset, my fantasies of closeness to Brian were a reaction to a relationship with a psychologist who I did not like at first sight.]

2-25-03 I have my second assessment session this morning with my new psychologist at GW. Meghana Tembe. I can't tell you how many evaluations and assessments I've gotten in my life. -- Brian hasn't voiced any interest in my becoming his butler. I'd be willing to do his wife. In fact. I could sleep with his wife, and Brian could sleep in the servants quarters. It's Oedipal.

2-26-03 Message for Brian -- Listen, Brian -- I was over at the West End Branch of the library system yesterday. That place was like a real library -- no chatting librarians, no noise, no librarians talking about their wive's first homosexual husband. I'm sorry to say it, but, you can't run a library. Cleveland Park is run like a social club. Moreover-- they have four computers over there, and you don't have to be hunched over to use them. They have privacy screens right on the computers. What's up with that?

[William Dacosta's wife, Debra (also a DC librarian), was previously married to a homosexual. Dacosta himself is a medicated bi-polar psychotic who takes lithium and Risperdal to control delusions and hallucinations. Isn't it odd that a patron should know all that by simply sitting in the library? On one occasion Dacosta permitted a patron to talk to him (in a loud, disruptive voice) about masturbation and fellatio. William Dacosta is Brian Brown's only male colleague.]

2-27-03 Did you catch Doug Feith last night on the CBS Evening News with Dan Rather? He's the Under Secretary of Defense. Douglas Feith -- Central High School, 230th class, 1971. Do you think Dan knew that?

2-28-03 / 3-3-03 Message for Brian. Brian-- would you sleep with me? It's not sexual. It's a Michael Jackson thing. Sure it might generate a lot of gossip. But, you know, let people talk!

3-4-03 It's almost 24 years to the day in March 1979 when Malcolm Lassman and Larry Hoffman snagged that giant fish and had it mounted in the lunch room at Akin Gump. An amazing catch.

[The lunch room at Akin Gump features a gag "fish" made of metal, with a plaque that indicates the date in March 1979 that Malcolm Lassman and Lawrence Hoffman caught it.]

3-5-03 Message for Brian-- What do you do on Mondays, Brian, now that the libraries are closed? You know, I was thinking we could make Monday "our day" Brian. We could hang out, go places, do things. We could be buddies Brian -- and Mondays could be "our day." I'm thinking, in the summer, we could head up to Baltimore and take in a ball game and have a hot dog or two. What do you say? Sounds good, huh? You need a friend, Brian. You spend too much time at the library. You need a buddy who'll show you how to live a little. That's me, buddy! Call me (202) 362-7064. I'll be waiting.

3-6-03 / 3-7-03 I had my last session with my psychologist, Dr. Shaffer, on Wed 3-5-02. Onward and upward to GW I go!

3-10-03 / 3-11-03 I think the DC Gov't is screwed-up. My mental health clinic pharmacy ran out of my sleep medication early last week (a common med) and still hasn't received its order. I was given the old standby this morning (3-10) on the telephone: "Could you call back tomorrow?" -- You know, it's the Jews who are behind this!

[The reference to anti-Semitism alludes to Congressman Jim Moran's allegation that it was primarily the Jews who were in favor of going to war with Iraq.]

3-12-03 I just got a letter from Social Security saying they're reviewing my case. I got a big case of the "war jitters" -- What will the outcome be? I could lose this thing -- or win it in a matter of weeks. -- Message for Jim Moran-- I didn't know Tony Blair was Jewish.

3-13-03 Things are quiet at the library. Brian is on vacation to the 19th of March. I still have war countdown jitters.

[Note the connection between the subject matter of the message on 3-12 (war) and the reference to the "quiet" at the library: a possible association to the war novel "All Quiet on the Western Front." I read the novel in ninth-grade English class in high school. (See message dated 3/14).

3-14-03 Slow news day. Beware the Ides of March, which is coming up.

[The Ides of March is an apparent association to "Julius Caesar," a Shakespeare play I read in ninth-grade English class.]

3-17-03 I've got the war jitters really bad. I can't tell you how nervous I am about this. What is that expression Americans use? "The shit is being frightened from my anus?"

3-18-03 / 3-19-03 BUY BONDS TODAY! WAR! As you can see I'm stocking up on supplies. This is only the beginning of a massive stockpile to insure my ability to last out a major siege of Washington. I plan to survive this thing. Now, what about direct payment of rent online. Remember -- only the prepared will survive.

3-20 / 3-21-03 / 3-24-03 The Iraqi Ambassador to the United Nations -- Mohammed Al-Doury -- is in violation of the No-Comb Zone. Did you see that guy? He's bald, but he has one of those "comb-over jobs."

3-25-03 SHOCK AND AWE.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: I have seen it all. You can't shock me, you can't even annoy me. --

I'm lovin' the new exercise room-- Thank you, WRIT!

["WRIT" is the Washington Real Estate Investment Trust.]

3-26-03 Tell you what I really like in the new exercise room is the "natural runner" machine. You get a good aerobic workout-- and it's very low impact. Good choice of machinery! [Cut out from magazine article referring to Bob Strauss and his wife:] "All Bob would have to say was 'It would be nice if I had a newspaper.' It would be midnight [and] Helen would run out to get a newspaper."

[If I could have found a wife like that, I'd have gotten married years ago.]

3-27-03 / 3-28-03 David Bloom-- You put the "B" in NBC.

[David Bloom was an NBC reporter who was killed several weeks later, covering the war in Iraq.]

3-31-03 IN MEMORY OF THE FALLEN

IGNACIO (Hot Latino)
DEBRA (Ghetto Fabulous)
TERRI (Ebony Hottie)
BREW SNYDER (Wittiest)
LYNNE BOZE (Best Southern Accent)
RONNIE (Least Vulnerable)
MR. PEOPLES (Biggest)

R. I. P.
e n e
a a
d c
e


[Refers to former library staff persons. I believed that all of the named persons knew about Brian Brown's communications with Akin Gump managers. Bruce Snyder replaced Lynne Boze as one of the librarians in about 1992. Ronnie was the children's librarian. Mr. Peoples was the custodian who preceded Alex Chandler. Terri and Debra worked at the circulation desk.]

4-1-03 I have a feeling your contacts have already contacted Richard & Bonnie Moses, so I won't bother giving you background facts on those people.

[Richard Moses, D.O., a gastroenterologist with a law degree from Temple University Law School, was in my graduating class in high school, Central High School, 230th class, 1971. His wife, Bonnie, is a lawyer who worked for Leonard Sagot Associates, and may have known Jeffrey Orchinik, Esq., who used to practice at Sagot & Jennings.

Inserted at this point is a solicitation from The Central High School Capital and Endowment Campaign: an invitation by Judge Lawrence S. Margolis (Central High School, 199th class) for Cocktails and Conversation on April 8, 2003 at The United States Court of Federal Claims, Washington. Judge Margolis' chambers is (202) 219 9581.]

4-2-03 Brian -- Psy-Ops. I hope you understand I've just been fucking with your head -- nothing more. It's all good, clean fun.

4-3-03 Anyway, like I was saying -- on Tuesday, 4-1-03, I was walking along 23rd Street, and I saw Jim Stewart of CBS-NEWS. He saw me, gazed at me, I looked away -- turned to him -- and he was still looking at me. I was sure he recognized me. But how? He was carrying a "carryout" lunch -- a few steps away from the CBS studio on 23rd Street. I'm Famous!

[The phrase "Anyway, like I was saying" suggests to me that I had already begun to leave messages to Brian Brown on the library's public access computer hard drive by this date, and that I was continuing a message that I had begun at the library.]

4-4-03 Here's a flash from the past: MARCIA CHASE. She worked at The Franklin Institute in Philadelphia in the early 70s. I and some other folks had lunch over at her apartment in (I think) the summer of 1972. Marcia Chase made gazpacho. She worked with Barbara Van Horne. They worked for Joe Pitts. Those were the days! I was 18 years old and moving up in the world (briefly).

4-4-03 BONUS Elizabeth Joyce is always going on about the British -- the defenders of liberty! I notice she never talks about the Queen's uncle -- he was a Nazi sympathizer. Actually, I'm a lot like the Duke of Windsor, myself, except for the money, the sex, and the Nazi connections.

[Elizabeth Joyce used to work at the front desk at 3801 Connecticut Avenue. She retired in the summer of 2003, after about 17 years at the building. I thought that she knew all about the invasions of my privacy by Elaine Wranik and David Castleberry. I also think she knew all about my difficulties at Akin Gump.]

4-07-03 / 4-8-03 So much for Bob Simon's advice on surviving in Iraq!

[Refers to the death of NBC-News reporter David Bloom in Iraq. Simon, a CBS-News reporter -- who was captured by Iraqis during the Persian Gulf War in 1991 -- had written that there was one sure way to survive in Iraq: "Just keep your eyes and your balls covered." In 1991 Simon and his news crew had been captured along a desert road in war-torn Iraq, and held captive by Saddam loyalists for forty days.

Excursus: It was in a trifurcation of the road, where Oedipus "had killed the old man who had tried to thrust him out of the path -- the old man who has turned out to be his father, Laius: 'For now I am found evil and of evil birth. O ye three roads, and thou secret glen -- thou coppice and narrow way where three paths met -- Ye who drank from my hands that father's blood which was my own, -- remember ye, perchance, what deeds I wrought for you to see, -- and then, when I came hither, what fresh deeds I went on to do?' Karl Abraham held the trifurcation of the road as the symbol of the maternal genitals, the place of traffic with the father and the son. (This interpretation is certainly reinforced by the words 'secret glen' and 'coppice and narrow way.') In the speech, the mother's genitals become charged with oral-sadistic libido and drink blood. The 'place where three paths meet' is called on to witness the past, 'the deeds I wrought for you to see.' This is after Oedipus has destroyed his own sight, has symbolically castrated himself. (Eyes are related to testicles symbolically and etymologically -- note the German Eier (egg) [compare message at 5-15-03, below, that refers to eggs] and Auge (eye) -- and testicles literally means 'little witnesses.') I have stated that part of soul murder is the consequences of seduced children taking on the guilt of the seducing parent. By assuming the adult's lies and denial, the children renounce their own ability to see what is and has been. They cease being reliable witnesses to the past and to present repetitions of the past." Shengold, L. "Soul Murder: The Effects of Childhood Abuse and Deprivation" at 48 (New Haven, Yale University Press, 1989).]

4-9-03 Brian-- Pick a day -- and order the tickets. How about June 30 -- Orioles/Yankees. Just you & me, buddy! [Attached is the Baltimore Orioles Camden Yards Home Game Schedule (2003).]

4-11-03

GEORGE BUSH: Hello, Madame.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: Madame? What are you calling me Madame for?

GEORGE BUSH: Those are ladies glasses.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: Ladies glasses?

GEORGE BUSH: Sure, says right here, "Gloria Vanderbilt Collection."

SADDAM HUSSEIN: That son of a bitch sold me ladies glasses!

[Parody of a Seinfeld episode. Saddam Hussein had appeared on television with large-framed glasses, a rare sight. Note the connection between this note and the preceding one dated 4/7 ("Just keep your eyes and your balls covered") as well as the note on 4-9 ("Take me out to the 'ball game'")]

4-11-03 THE BAGHDAD CAFE

SADDAM HUSSEIN: I gotta get out of this city!

GEORGE BUSH: So, you're tunneling to the center of the earth?

[Parody of a Seinfeld episode.]

4-14-03 Could you tell Mr. Castleberry that it's about time to start thinking about putting the summer furniture up on the roof. We're heading for some warm, summer-like days. -- Also, speaking of the roof -- on Saturday (4-12) at about 5:30 PM, somebody was barbecuing on a grill on the roof. Can you do that? Isn't that a fire hazard? Hot coals and all that.

4-15-03 MESSAGE FOR SYRIA

GEORGE BUSH: We demilitarize countries the old-fashioned way -- One regime at a time.

4-16-03 As you know, 3883 Connecticut Avenue, across the way. is now renting to tenants. The apartment directly across from my apartment -- the first terrace above the tool shed -- has been rented to a good-looking young guy. He comes out onto the terrace from time to time, to smoke a cigarette. Maybe you could induct him into providing covert information about me to you. He frequently looks across to my apartment and sees me. (I've been behaving -- no nudity and no masturbating in front of my neighbor across the way).

[Note that the message on 4/14 refers to a smoking barbecue; the message on 4/16 refers to a smoking tenant.]

4-17-03 Tell you who I think about from time to time -- "Ari" -- (not Ari Fleischer) -- He used to be a tenant in the building. Elizabeth Joyce will remember him. He looked like a fine young man -- A young man with character. I had identified him as someone who was probably going places in life. Now, several years later, I wonder what he's doing -- whether he has fulfilled his "early promise." Tell him to give me a call if you talk to him.

[Note that the messages on 4/16 and 4/17 both concern the issue of tenancy. In the message on 4/16 I refer to the issue of "being peered at" and in the message on 4/17 I refer to the act of "peering at" a tenant.]

4-17-03 Message for Malcolm Lassman: This is the 12th Passover you've ruined for me! When will the insanity end?

4-18-03 Happy Easter to my Christian friends. -- Did you talk to Ari? Is he on a safari?

4-21-03 TO TELL THE TRUTH

KITTY CARLISLE: I think Saddam No. 3 is the real Saddam. He's the only contestant who knew about the 60% discount at J&T Optical.

SADDAM NO. 3: Retail is for suckers!

[The message is a parody of a Seinfeld episode.]

4-22-03 Message for Condaleeza Rice -- In a novel titled "The Cobra Event" published in 1997 (6 years ago) (a book about germ warfare), Richard Preston writes that the French Unscom inspectors weren't interested in finding any WMD in Iraq -- that the inspectors were ordered by the French Gov't not to find anything in Iraq -- That was six years ago! See p. 115.

[The French were supposedly opposed to war with Iraq because of their commercial interests in Iraq. The previous message (4/21) refers to concealing the truth and commercial interests at a retail level.]

4-23-03 If you're wondering where all this paper comes from, a tenant, Mike Epstein, threw it away. It's all "Star Wars" crap. I thought that kid Epstein was a nut-job. -- By the way, today is Shakespeare's birthday (and the anniversary of his death -- He died on his birthday).

[Epstein was a tenant in apartment 108. He was a graduate of Utica College, I believe.]

4-24-03 Jonathan Belmont, MD, -- graduated first in his class at my high school -- Central High School, 230th class, 1971. Smart guy. He's signed up for classmates.com -- so he's obviously willing to talk. He can give you the inside dope on another class star, Doug Feith -- Now Undersecretary of Defense. By the way, in the class yearbook, Feith was elected "Honorary Faculty Member" -- He hasn't changed.

[Belmont is an ophthalmologist. Once again, a reference to the eyes. Incidentally, Belmont was sports editor on the school newspaper. (Eyes = balls = baseball? See messages for 4/7, 4/9, and 4/11).]

4-25-03 Sheldon Kanfer graduated third in my high school class (230th class, 1971). Smart guy. He was in the school orchestra; I think he played the flute. He can give you the inside dope on Douglas Feith, Undersect'y of Defense in the Bush Administration. The Internet lists Kanfer as a donor to the Columbus (Ohio?) Symphony Orchestra.

4-28-03 4-29-03 I've got something big planned for you for next week. It's going to be stupendous -- but you'll have to wait.

4-30-03 Stephen I. Kasloff, Esq. Central High School, 228th Class (1969). He was two years ahead of me in high school. He didn't know me, but we attended the same elementary school (Rowan Elem Sch). When he was in the 6th grade, I was in the 4th grade. I remember him because we were both library volunteers in elementary school -- under Mrs. Mary Stevens, a teacher. Kasloff was on the Bd of Managers of the CHS Alumni Association.

4-30-03 BONUS Did you check into Santo Diano, my 10th grade geometry teacher? (and homeroom teacher). He was a graduate of Central High School and was an alumnus, served as the school archivist.

5-1-03 Yesterday, Mrs. Joyce said to me, "Hello Gary, how are you?" -- Well, I didn't want to cause a row, but it's not appropriate. The downstairs staff should not be addressing me directly. After all, how does Mrs. Joyce know that I am not a peer, in which case I would be addressed as "Lord Freedman." I'm not a peer, but Mrs. Joyce doesn't know that. The bottom line is you need to remind staff of protocol. Long live the empire!

[Elizabeth Joyce was the front desk person at 3801 Connecticut Avenue. She was from London, England.

Note that the word "Peer" (an English lord) has a double meaning; it also means "to look at," or peer at.

Note that the Upstairs/Downstairs dichotomy in the message on 5/1 parallels the respective messages at 4/11 ("tunneling to the center of the Earth) and 4/14 ("going up to the roof"). The reference to "Lords" (persons of elevated status) and "downstairs staff" (persons of debased status) might allude to a family romance fantasy. (See message below, dated 5-5-03).]

5-2-03 Have a good weekend. I might get together with Brian, if he gives me a call.

5-5-03 / 5-6-03 [Message appended to a picture of a farmer holding a hoe. Background depicts a farm house, windmill, and silos.] I'm a sheep-fucker, and my grandson is a librarian. We've moved up over the generations!

[Refers to Brian Brown, whose grandfather lived in Montana. The term "sheep-fucker" might be an allusion to Sophocles' Oedipus. Oedipus, the son of a king, was banished from Thebes in infancy and raised by a lowly shepherd.

According to Dorothy Burlingham the fantasy of having a twin sibling is a latency fantasy, Oedipal in origin, in which the child imagines that he has a twin sibling who will provide narcissistic mirroring and thereby propitiate the loneliness engendered by the child's Oedipal rage and associated annihilation anxiety. Burlingham, D. "The Fantasy of Having a Twin." The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, volume I. (See message below, dated 5-7-03).]

5-7-03 Brian, buddy, I like you. Why won't you be my friend? I feel so sad and alone.

[My first meeting with Israella Bash, Ph.D. occurred on about May 2, 2003. At this time the only human contacts I had were with three female mental health professionals whom I disliked: Dr. Bash, Dr. Cooper (my psychiatrist), and Meghana Tembe (my psychotherapist at GW).]

5-8-03 Somebody to look into: Leonard Goldstein, MD. Classmates.com. Central High School 1971 (230th class). I have a funny anecdote about Goldstein. In 10th grade, the hygiene teacher was talking about the evils of masturbation, cautioning students not to engage in such activity. I was sitting next to Goldstein. Apparently, Goldstein didn't know what the word meant -- he started leafing through his dictionary trying to find out what masturbation was. Jerry Seinfeld said he didn't find out till he was in college. Maybe I was precocious.

[Goldstein was in my graduating class at Penn State, May 1975. He was a pre-med major.]

5-9-03 Happy Birthday, Bonnie Jensen! I didn't get you a gift, Bonnie, but remember, Life is a gift!

[Jensen is the assistant manager at 3801 Connecticut Avenue, my residence.]

5-12-03 / 5-13-03 Somebody to look into: Scott Nunamaker. Central High School, 230th Class, 1971. Supersmart. Was in Ming the Merciless's English Class in the ninth grade -- 67-68 sch year. I don't know anything else about him.

[My ninth-grade English teacher, Elliott Cades, known by students as "Ming the Merciless," was a very demanding teacher. He was a graduate of Central High School himself, and had taught there at least since the 1930s. He had a law degree. Perhaps he vented his frustrations in life on his students. He was unmarried, and died at age 83 in the year 1986.]

5-14-03 Here's the inside dope on Bill Einhorn, Esq. -- The great and glorious Bill Einhorn. (Central High School, 230th class, 1971.) He was not one of the super smart kids in high school. He made Barnwell, but he wasn't scholastic (and he wasn't involved in any athletics). In the immortal words of Lloyd Bentsen -- "You're no Jeff Orchinik" (Orchinik was brilliant).

[Einhorn, a graduate of Temple Law School, practiced at the Philadelphia firm of Sagot & Jennings at the time I clerked there (1981-1982). The Barnwell Award is an academic honor at Central High School. Einhorn's father owned a fruit/produce/fish market on Stenton Avenue, in Philadelphia.]

5-15-03 Mrs. Joyce needs to lose some weight. Those extra pounds are not good for her health. I've been following the following diet -- and I've lost about 10 pounds. It's high protein -- low carbohydrate. -- Spinach (10 oz.) -- a little bit of cheese for a snack -- omelet (main evening meal) [compare message at 4-7-03, above, that refers to eggs] -- skim milk (for snack in evening). No bread! No potatoes! No rice!

5-16-03 The crazies were out last night! I must have gotten about 5 to 6 bizarre telephone calls last night.

5-19-03 / 5-20-03 Michael Morrison, MD. Central High School, 230th Class, 1971. According to the most recent alumni newsletter Morrison made a financial contribution to the Central High School "General Fund" -- Super bright kid -- Didn't know him.

5-21-03 Mr. Pius or Mr. Douglas -- Thank you for changing my air filter.

5-23-03 Have a safe and enjoyable holiday weekend -- and I'll see you Tuesday!

5-27-03 If you're looking for the "story behind the story" on Ming the Merciless, contact Dr. Norman S. Knee, Central High School, 186th class. [Attached is blurb on Dr. Knee, DO, FACOFP, who sent the alumni bulletin "a fascinating story of a series of memorable contacts with teacher Elliot Cades (who he referred to as 'Ming the Merciless'), during Knee's stay at Central, during his service in the United States Army of Occupation in Japan, and the aftermath of those experiences."]

5-27-03 THE ROAD MAP

BIBI NETANYAHU: What about the terrorism, the violence, the settlements, the refugee problem?

THE PRIME MINISTER: I propose that for the moment we place all these questions aside, and pursue our way further along one particular path.

[Refers to the Middle-East conflict. Note Dr. Shengold's observation that the metaphors that interconnect with that of the journey are all involved with the "map of the world" within and the world outside the mind. The line attributed to "The Prime Minister" (above) is, in fact, a quote from Freud's "Interpretation of Dreams."]

5-28-03 I'll tell you who I think is a weirdo-- Stanley Schmulewitz. He works out in the exercise room in his street clothes. Isn't that against the rules. Gives you an idea of the mentality of the tenants association as a whole!

[Schmulewitz, who has lived at 3801 Connecticut Avenue for the last 35 years, used to be president of the tenants' association.]

5-29-03 Did you see Mr. Pius' new car? Beautiful. I keep checking it out -- The design, the color -- tres cool!

5-30-03 Here's another item I picked up from my high school alumni bulletin-- The current rabbi and immediate past president of Jewish Congregation Beth El in Bethesda are graduates of my high school (Central High School in Philadelphia).6-2-03 / 6-3-03 After all these years we find out that Richard Chamberlain is homosexual. Right. Big surprise! Do you remember, back in 1992 when Aaron Ezekiel told Malcolm about how he tore up my "Dr. Kildare" collectible cards [in the fourth grade]? I know all & see all!

[Ezekiel and I were friends in elementary school. I mentioned Ezekiel in a letter I sent to my sister in 1992. I believe Akin Gump managers contacted Ezekiel.]

6-4-03 WMD

BABU BAAT: You said there were weapons of mass destruction. But there ARE no weapons of mass destruction. Where are the weapons of mass destruction?

PRESIDENT BUSH: The wheels are in motion, Babu. The wheels are in motion even as we speak.

[Parody of a Seinfeld episode.]

6-4-03 BONUS Could you tell Mr. Castleberry-- What I heard -- I heard Msairi talking about his undergoing diagnostic tests for cancer. It could be serious.

[Msairi used to be a front-desk employee at 3801 Connecticut Avenue.]

6-5-03 Check this out. The front inner courtyard of 3801 -- you know, where the entrance is -- if you look at the south side of the building, a tenant on the sixth floor has a lot of crap in the window -- multicolored junk. It reminds me of when I was a kid. I would put things in the window of our house. My father would say: "Get that crap out of the window. It looks like a shit-house from outside!"

6-6-03 Bonny Jensen's life is like a country-western song. When she filed for divorce her husband said: "I beg your pardon. I never promised you a rose garden."

[I had overheard Bonnie Jensen talking about her marital difficulties that led to her divorce. Her husband objected to her hobby of gardening.]

6-9-03 / 6-10-03 Yesterday (6-8) I saw Ben Wattenberg in the Giant Supermarket. What happened to his TV show "Think Tank?" Did it get tanked? -- 6-10 / Strauss' birthday. 139 years old today.

[Refers to the composer Richard Strauss, who was born June 10, 1864.

Wattenberg -- who lives off Connecticut Avenue in DC's Van Ness area -- is a senior fellow at the American Enterprise Institute.]

6-11-03 Did you know that Bill Cosby and I are good friends? That's right. I call him Bill, and he calls me Gary. We've been on a first name basis or years. [Cosby (204th class) and I attended the same high school in Philadelphia. Attached is form letter from Cosby addressed "Dear Gary," soliciting financial contributions to Central High School's capital improvements campaign.]

6-12-03 I'm in a deep funk. I'm just going through the motions of being alive. Things don't interest me anymore. I don't listen to music much anymore. Is this what they call depression? My friends don't call anymore. I guess I'm no fun to be around.

6-13-03 / 6-16-03 / 6-17-03 Happy Friday the 13th. You should wear garlic around your head for good luck. Enjoy the long day light while you can. Have a good weekend! Library is closed today. How will Brian get on w/o me?

6-18-03 Sorry. Got a hot date with Ms. Amos at the welfare office [concerning food stamp recertification].

[Note that the letters have become brief and uninformative, unlike the earlier messages. By April 2003 I had begun writing daily letters to Brian Brown at the library (and saving them to the computer hard drive), a medium of communication that had replaced, in large part, my letter writing to David Castleberry.]

6-19-03 Idea of reference on 6-17-03. Tues afternoon I added material to my autobiography on the computer at the West End Branch of the library. The material concerned the [recently-decided] Charles Sell Supreme Court case, which concerned anti-psychotic meds. Later in the afternoon Velvel [at the Cleveland Park Library] started talking about "Zorba the Greek," which I saw as a reference to Dr. Georgopoulos [my former treating psychiatrist at GW], who used to recommend I take meds.

[The U.S. Supreme Court opinion in the Sell case quotes expert testimony to the effect that anti-psychotic medication is very rarely effective in treating delusional disorder. My diagnosis is delusional disorder.]

6-20-03 / 6-23-03 / 6-24-03 Has David Castleberry ever thought of using my services at the front desk? -- Maybe the pressure would be too much for me. I don't know.

6-25-03 3801 was featured briefly on a TV news story last night on WRC-TV (Ch. 4) about emergency preparedness re: terrorist attacks. One of our tenants was asked if we have evacuation plans. The tenant basically said, "Da?" I talked to you about this before. We need civil defense preparedness. That's more important than a new lobby, don't you think? -- Dead tenants don't pay rent -- do they? We need to encase 3801 in lead to ward off radiation!

[Management remodeled the lobby beginning in the fall of 2003.]

6-26-03 How do you like my "new" Chinese chochkas? I picked them up in the trash room. You can pick up a lot of good stuff in people's trash - computers, picture frames, scrap paper -- an endless variety, really.

6-27-03 FYI -- HUNKY TONY

STEPHEN BREYER: I must confess that I was born heterosexual, but I sign on to the homosexual agenda now and then.

[Refers to a recent U.S. Supreme Court opinion in which Justice Antonin Scalia referred disparagingly to "the homosexual agenda."]

6-30-03 / 7-1-03 A few days ago I heard David Castleberry talking to Elizabeth Joyce about capital improvements. What about a pool? Yes! A big Olympic-sized pool for tenants. 3883 Connecticut has a pool and the tenants are loving it!

7-2-03 I was going to go to the party, but I decided against it. I'm basically a monarchist. This whole American independence thing was a bad idea. -- God Save the Queen!

[Refers to a July 4th party at 3801.]

7-3-03 Did you talk to Judy Glassie about installing a swimming pool, here at 3801 (using the capital improvements budget)? I think tenants would enjoy that more than sliding doors [at the front entrance]. -- I was thinking -- Isn't there any job I could do around the building? What about emptying the trash rooms every day at, say $5/day ($35/week). I think I could handle that. Plus I'd get first dibs on the "good" trash. -- Happy Fourth of July. See you Monday 7.7.03.

[undated] 3801 Masturbation Policy. It may not be done in common areas. This may only be done in your apartments.

[Parody of the new "smoking policy" which was posted in the building.]

7-6-03 BONUS -- LATEST THINKING AT THE WHITE HOUSE

PRESIDENT: What do we do about the growing numbers of unemployed?

SECRETARY OF STATE: We could ship 'em off to Iraq--

NASA ADMINISTRATOR: We could put them in the space shuttle program.

ATTORNEY GENERAL: I say we execute 'em all.

PRESIDENT: (aside to Treasury Secretary): How many billions more do we have to give away in tax cuts? This fiscal policy is hard work!

7-7-03 BONUS This is the 3-month anniversary of the death of my friend David Bloom.

7-7-03 / 7-8-03 Saturday afternoon (7-5-03) I learned about a dark, ugly side to Dr. Sack. He forgot about his 4:00 PM appointment. The poor patient had to wait in his waiting room -- You know how hot that was? She had to sit there with the door open, with her husband. They were helpless pawns of the powerful Dr. Sack. At one point the lady stood up and said-- "I think he stood us up." It was tragic heart-rending - and it exhibited a streak of callousness and indifference in Dr. Lawrence C. Sack that heretofore I did not know existed! ! Shame, shame, shame, Dr. Sack!

7-9-03 I got a notice from Social Security that they're not even going to bother doing their regular 3-year review, based on the preliminary information I gave them. Apparently, they can see I'm very, very sick!

[Attached is SSA Notice dated July 8, 2003.]

7-10-03 My psychologist has been on vacation the last two weeks. My mental state is deteriorating. Maybe I should get together with my friends.

[The psychologist took several vacations during my therapy with her, which spanned the period 2/03 to 5/04. She took off the entire month of December 2003 plus the first two weeks of January 2004. When I complained to my psychiatrist, Dr. Cooper replied: "Your therapist is not allowed to take vacations?"]

7-11-03 Nothing to report. Not much chance of going to the All-Star game with my buddy Brian. It's HIS loss! I PITY Brian!

7-14-03 / 7-15-03 Ten years ago today, my girlfriend dumped me! How can I ever enjoy Bastille Day? How can I ever be with another fraulein?

[Refers to my friend Craig W. Dye. We spoke for the last time, by telephone, on July 13, 1993.]

7-16-03 ELLEN DOES THE SHANGHAI MAFIA

FREEDMAN: Well, Jeffrey, did you talk to Ellen about resigning from the Court? Tell you what, there's an extra $50 bucks in it for you if she does.

ELLEN: Don't tell me later that there was something extra I was supposed to do like renounce my citizenship and disown my first born child.

FREEDMAN: No, no. Just resign from the Court and sign a contingency-fee agreement.

ELLEN: I'm doin' it!

[Parody of a Seinfeld episode, "The Chinese Restaurant." Note the phrase: "disown my first born child," a possible allusion to Sophocles' play, "Oedipus Rex." Oedipus' father, Laius, disowned the infant Oedipus. Compare the message on 1-30-03 that referred to the first born child of Steve Routh, a Hogan & Hartson attorney. The phrase "renounce my citizenship" might be an allusion to the punishment imposed on Oedipus; he was forced into exile from Thebes.]

7-17-03 For my friends at the Gump. -- Think of this as a terrorist attack in very, very slow motion: Only nobody dies, they just end up getting disbarred!

7-18-03 Happy 97th birthday to Clifford Odets -- By the way, how are Walt and Nora. -- Good to see Luise Rainer on the Oscars this year.

[Odets was a playwright, whose children were named Walt and Nora. Odets was married to the Oscar-winning actress, Luise Rainer. Odets was born in the same year as my father: 1906. My father had been a close friend of Odets' cousin, Benny Rossman.]

7-21-03 / 7-22-03 I heard that 20-year tenants get a $500 bonus. -- August 2003 will be my 20th anniversary here at the beautiful 3801 -- Please make my bonus check payable to "Gary Freedman."

[Message is a joke.]

7-23-03 Last night I was thinking about the sorry end for those two partners in crime -- I thought: "It's like a Greek tragedy, only they're not Greek and it's not particularly tragic." I don't know what nationality Race and Hoffman are!

[Refers to two management partners (Dennis M. Race and Lawrence J. Hoffman) at Akin Gump. Note the implied allusion to Sophocles' play "Oedipus Rex," a Greek tragedy. Also, note that the reference to Race's nationality seems to allude to the record on appeal in Freedman v. D.C. Dept. of Human Rights: "At this point Malcolm Lassman turned to Dennis Race and said, 'Dennis, you're not Jewish. Jews don't eat pork'" (see message below, 7-24).

7-24-03 I signed up for food-stamp recertification last week. I'm hoping they will increase my benefit. I gotta talk to Glickman -- Hey, Glickman! -- There needs to be a kosher premium for food stamp recipients who eat kosher. That kosher crap costs like 20% more they treyf. I think the current program violates my 1st Amendment rights!

[Refers to Dan Glickman, former Secretary of Agriculture in the Clinton Administration, and, as of 2003, a lawyer at Akin Gump. The word "treyf" means "non-kosher."]

7-25-03 I'm getting inappropriate pressure to return to work from Dr. Bash. I'm beginning to identify more and more with John Hinckley!

[Refers to the fact that the government has consistently fought to preserve Hinckley's status as a ward of the state; while I, an innocent person who never committed a violent act, was being pressured by a state employee, Dr. Bash, to give up his government benefits.]

7-28-03 Somebody in the apt bldg threw away a perfectly good DVD player! My gain.

[I learned later that the DVD player didn't work.]

7-29-03 I started on a new anti-depressant medication this morning -- Effexor. Let's see what this does!

7-30-03 They didn't increase my food stamps! What's up with that, Glickman?

7-31-03 I hear there's a big meeting with the WRIT folks. Why don't you raise the issue of the $500 bonus for 20-year residents? I know you have a lot of influence in the organization.

8-1-03 On a couple of occasions in the library -- the following picture was displayed prominently in the magazine exchange. It looks like an age-enhanced picture of Rubenstein. How would they know what Rubenstein looks like? [Attached is AT&T ad featuring a photo of the actor Cliff Robertson holding a telephone with the following advertising copy: "The better we sound. Touch Someone.]

8-4-03 I'm hoping to tighten the noose this week. They shoot horses don't they?

[Refers to a letter that I contemplated sending to GW President Stephen J. Trachtenberg about my psychotherapy at GW; the letter described my job termination by Dennis Race at Akin Gump. My therapist at GW (Meghana Tembe) later persuaded me not to send the letter.]

8-5-03 This morning when I looked at Mr. Cookson, he turned his eyes away, and would not look me in the eye. That tells me things are heating up (Ouch! that's hot! Something's cooking on the hot stove ! ! !)

[Pius Cookson is the building engineer at 3801 Connecticut.]

8-6-03 I just wish this thing were over. Then I could sue the bastards -- and rent a penthouse at 3883 Conn. I'd keep this apt for storage.

8-8-03 OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT, I will NOT run for Governor of California. I'm sorry to disappoint all of the California out-of-state voters here at 3801.

[Refers to Arnold Schwarzenegger's announcement that he will run for Governor of California.]

8-8-03 I'm submitting these notes -- ("The Archives") to my psychologist.

DENNIS RACE: I got Bashed!

[Refers to my simmering anger about Dr. Bash's statements that she thought I was employable. Dr. Bash's statements about my employability were especially troubling because SSA had just renewed my benefits without even doing a review, which suggested to me that SSA believed my disability was serious.]

8-11-03 / 8-12-03 I was thinking about ending this line of communication, but I decided against it. My instincts tell me it's not time. Still got some lawyers to screw! As they say: A lawyer who fucks a lawyer is twice a lawyer!

8-13-03 People ask: "Does Israel have the bomb?" The way I see it, it misses the point. In terms of destructive potential, they have Dr. Bash! Does it matter whether they have the bomb?

8-14-03 Tomorrow (8-15-03) is a big day. No, not Vernon Jordan's birthday. No, not Napoleon's birthday -- 32 years ago tomorrow Richard Nixon got on TV in the evening (a Sunday evening in 1971) to announce wage & price controls. I don't know why I remember that -- I wonder if Ben Stein remembers -- you know his old man was a Nixon econ. adviser.

8-14-03 BONUS #135 (John Walsh) keeps his TV on all day-- Is he nuts? Aren't there better ways to scare off demons?

8-15-03 My illness is so devastating at times that I wonder how I can get through the day. "It's so sad"-- That's what Pat Nixon said on the plane back to San Clemente after Pres. Nixon resigned.

8-18-03 MESSAGE FOR DAVID GREGORY: Caught you on the Today Show. Good to hear you speaking English. Sincerely, George W. Bush.

[Gregory was the NBC-TV White House reporter in 2003. His fluency in French at a press conference with French President Chirac once irked President Bush.]

8-19-03 I guess it's the end of an era. I just found out that [resident manager] David Castleberry left-- All of a sudden. Then I learned that [my former treating psychiatrist] Lawrence C. Sack, MD, died. There was a note on his [office] door on Sat 8-16 advising patients to call his son, Dr. Robert Sack -- La comedia est finita!

["La comedia est finita" refers to Beethoven. A few days before Beethoven's death, a friend wrote: "He feels the end coming, for yesterday he said to me . . . 'Plaudite, amici, comoedia finita est.'" (Applaud, friends, the comedy is ended.).]

END OF DIARIES.

1 comment:

Gary Freedman said...

I've saved all the original handwritten notes. I expect they may be the subject of a subpeona duces taecum at some future time!